War is Peace - Freedom is Slavery - Ignorance is Strength

Wednesday, June 30, 2004


I just got F911 thanks to #datavault on irc.addictz.net - the warez/moviez channel with the strongest pimp hand by far.

If you don't see it before this weekend, you will have to watch it up here Mr. A.

I want to cum on your tit$ - m4w - 39

Just want to jack off on your tits and then lick them clean, nothing else.

Will pay a reasonable fee. Age/race not important. Prefer asian or Hispanic women but will respond to all. Big tits/small tits doesn't matter. BBW's are cool too!
Once again - let me just say that casual encounters is where it's at. [and no... that is not sarcasim - I swear]

Do you have any questions? - 2

BET Music Awards tonight - so I kept it real, and peep'd a bit of that. The only real highlight was the old-school tribute, which climaxed with Public Enemy.

On that note: Fuck Russell Simmons - who founded Def Jam with Rick Rubin, but never gave anything back to society - besides a lame-ass/sweat-shop produced/designer clothing line.

Fuck Russell Simmons - who got rich for two decades selling rap that claimed to speak to the "street," and the "ghetto," but did nothing political at all. And then, two years ago, he jumped on the bandwagon, and tried to buy his way into leading the crusade to overturn New York's draconian "Rockefeller" drug laws. Thanks for nothin' - ASS HOLE!

And this is the problem. BET isn't "Black Entertainment Television," it's "Viacom entertainment televison" (The same company that owns CBS, MTV, Nickelodeon, Paramount and Blockbuster), and while they may play Public Enemy as part of a tribute to old-school hip-hop, they wouldn't dare put revolutionary shit like that on their regular play list. So, Fuck Them as well!

And this is the real problem. Rich people will never understand, or be able to help the poor. If they had the ability, they would never have gotten rich in the first place. So, Fuck BET, Fuck Russell Simmons, and Fuck all of the other ghetto-dilettantes.


Do you have any questions?

Yeah, I do...
1) Why is the coke gone?
2) Where can I get more?

I remember promising that I would put up some ground-breaking material on U.S./Chinese relations, but sadly - a week later - I am still drunk, and I still haven't done it.

So, let's forget about that, and move on.

Firstly: I have a job now, so I am actually really busy, and I have no time to write useless bullshit to post on this lame-ass blog.

Secondly: My job sucks, so I have a lot of bitter, venemous hatred to spew out, in rapid fire fashion, whenever I do get a chance to post on foresaid blog.

Friday, June 25, 2004

Uhmmmm... It might be a hit.

Despite my ranting, I decided to go see the movie.

Well lucky me - by 5:00pm today, every showing of Fahrenheit 9/11 at every theatre in Portland was sold out.

That is pretty phenomenal for a "documentary" - almost as phenomenal as a starless s&m flick, with Aramaic dialouge, earning $300 million dollars.

Bush Interview on Irish TV

CNN has been running clips of an interview Bush did on Irish TV, and it is just crazy. I don't know whether I should laugh, throw up, or renounce my citizenship.

If somebody can locate the whole thing on the internet, please send me a link, or I will look for it later when I'm on an internet connection that can actually load more than one page every five minutes.

The Hunt for Red November

Jack Ryan has dropped out of the Illinois senate race, which he was losing anyway.

As I mentioned earlier, the Republican leadership was clearly through with this guy as soon as the story went national. Apparently the glaring hypocrisy of a right-wing candidate who digs kinky public sex was just too much for them, which makes you wonder how they can stomach a smacked-out wife-hopper as their surrogate spokesperson.

On a side note, there are also unconfirmed rumors that Mr. Ryan is considering changing his last name to "Ass."

More Anti-Bush Propaganda

Extremists lose control of Miami streets for the first time! (El Granma)

The Passion of Moore

I have to say that I am getting really annoyed by all the hype around F-9/11. I mean seriously, GIVE ME A FUCKING BREAK!

Both Mercury and Willamette Week printed reviews that I wouldn't deign to wipe my ass with. Both of the reviews were pretty much along the lines of "you need to see this movie because it is the good liberal thing to do."

What the fuck do I look like? Some middle-America, right-wing, evangelical fuck wit? What is this The Passion of Fucking Christ?

Fuck off!

I'm not a "good liberal." I'm a bitter narcissitic asshole. And while there may not be much of a difference - it's an important one. The difference is that the only way I would go see F-9/11 in a theatre, would be if it climaxed with the crucifixion of Michael Moore.

Barring that, I will just download the thing, and watch it at home.

Tuesday, June 22, 2004

O'Reilly Tries to Spin the Ryan Sex Scandal...

...Welcome to the, erm, No Spin Zone.

Thanks to Mr. A for turning me on to this story. It is a hot one, although I am dissapointed that Jack Ryan's wife wasn't a 14 year-old girl who had been his babysitter. That would have been even better.

As it turns out, Jack Ryan's ex-wife is a B-Movie Bimbo, so you can find lots of skanky nudity-free pics of her Here.

Anyway, about O'Reilly: I flipped onto his lame ass show, and found him talking to Fox News' so called "legal analyst" Joe Napolitano [sp? IDGF.] O'Reilly is trying to blame the whole thing on the "media," and trying to say that "they" shouldn't have had the court records unsealed. The interesting thing is that Napolitano argues strongly and convincingly against O'Reilly, effectively saying that Ryan is getting what he deserves.

Now, if Fox News is trashing him, it is a pretty good guess that the word has come down from up on high that Ryan is finished.

His only hope now may be to go on national tv and start bitching about a "vast left-wing conspiracy," because I doubt he'll be able to get is estranged ex to do the gig for him.

[You can get a good rundown on this story from the N.Y. Times]

Chain Letter Humour

Checking my email today, I see a message from my sister, and think to myself "hey, that's nice, she's written to me," but no, it's an e-mail chain letter - one of the "20 Questions About Yourself" variety. As it turns out, the content is actually quite funny, primarily because it is, in fact, my sister answering the questions.
7. Who would you hate to be stuck in a room with? ...Americans.
16. What characteristic do you despise? American-ness
18. Anywhere in the world for holiday? Columbia :-P
26. Who do you least expect to return this to you? erm, my bro, 'cause being unemployed, he has way better things to do. hahah.
29. Coke or Pepsi? coke ;)
I guess hating America and loving coke runs in the family. Or maybe we just hate America, because we're always on a bloody coke comedown.

[note to c: I am actually employed now, so piss-off with your mockery. And as long as your ideal vacation destination is Columbia, I doubt you'll be buying much Dolce.]

Bush Loses Advantage in War on Terrorism (Washington Post)

Saturday, June 19, 2004


Looking back on my last two posts, I see that they both have a definite tone of drunken degeneracy. This should not come as any great suprise, especially not to me, since I have been consuming vodka at a steady, and staggering pace for about the last six hours.

The point here, is that this is not the time for serious writing, or even serious attempts to make it to the toilet before I vomit.

I had been planning to write up a summary of the pentagon's "Annual Report on the Military Power of the People's Republic of China, 2004," which I read sporadically over the last couple of hours, but that will have to wait. But rest assured, tommorow - after I sleep off this booze, which will probably be after noon - I will crack the whip, and post all of this fantastic stuff about US/China/Taiwan relations, the Israel/Russia effect, weapons proliferation, and global war, etc...

Hold your breath, it will be worth it.


The Horror, the horror.

One Heart of Darkness experience after another. This time it was Gretchen Wilson singing on the Tonight Show.

I had no idea who this woman was, but the moment I saw her singing on stage - belting out some bullshit lyrics in that rancid country twang, while lurching around the stage like an aging stripper with parkinson's - I knew it was wrong.

Let me just say, there is nothing worse than mid-30's, drunk country girls, way past their prime. The only thing that comes close is country music.

Now, when you have a woman in her thirties, dressed like Brit, but looking like the last woman left in the last bar in town, five minutes after last call, and this woman is singing a song called "Here for the Party," off an album where the other hit song is "Redneck Woman," well - that is just wrong. Wrong, I tell you - Wrong! [Finding interesting ways to string together endless sentences here.]

God, I wish to fuck that Conan didn't come on after Leno. I wish they would fire that fat Republican fuck, so I would never be victimized by his cruel shit again.

Friday, June 18, 2004

Have you no decency sir?

The Conservative Republican Way

[I originally posted this on Craigslist:Politics to bitch-slap some lame conservative. WTF - may as well post it here as well.]

A baseball team was ready to begin selling 50,000 tickets for an upcoming game.

A committee was formed to set pricing, and they were about to set the prices as they normally do - with the best seats being sold at the highest prices - but they were interrupted by George, a member of their committee who had a different idea.

"We should sell all the tickets at the same price," said George, "After all, if everyone is getting to watch the game, then shouldn't everyone pay the same price?"

A few other members on the committee immediately questioned this idea, asking, "how will we make up for lost revenue from prime seating?"

"That's easy," replied George, "we will just raise the prices for the nose bleed seats high enough, so that overall revenue remains the same. And if we can't do that, then we will cut back on stadium maintenance, or bathroom janitorial services, or team salary, in order to reduce expenditures."

Well, that works, agreed the other members of the committee, but how will we assign these very few seats, which suddenly everyone will be able to afford? First come, first served?

"About that," said George, "in all fairness, I think we should compensate the people who paid for those high priced tickets all these years, and so, the only people who should be able to buy the best seats, are the ones who have purchased them in the past - I mean, that's only fair."

The committee wasn't too sure about this, but they concurred, because it was already 12:15, and they wanted to finish up the meeting and get to lunch.

"One more thing," George interjected, right as the meeting was about to adjourn, "I think we should discuss pricing policy for our sky boxes."

The group grumbled, but George pressed forward, "The people who buy these sky boxes are our most loyal customers, they are the biggest fans of the team. I think that we should reassess the cost of their sky boxes based on the number of seats they are using, and charge them at the same rate as everyone else - I mean, It's only fair."

"whatever," said a V.P. at the head of the table, "I need to get to lunch."

"Oh, and one last thing," George said, "I am sad to announce that this will be our last meeting together, because I will be resigning."

A chorus of polite dismay went up from the assemble group, and someone asked, "why are you leaving us George?"

"Well," said George, "I've been talking to some of our sky box customers, and it seems they think I have a future in politics."

Wednesday, June 16, 2004

That Hanzel - He's so hot right now!

Jesus God, it is fucking hot outside today.

I just took this little Pit out for a walk, and I am fucking exhausted. The pit is in even worse shape. He is panting like a fucking humming bird, and periodically choking.

This dog is fucking hilarious, because at the beginning of every walk he is tugging on his leash like a mofo, but by the time we are going back, I pratically have to carry his ass back up the hill.

Thank God I have plenty of beer, and peach daiquiris, otherwise I might not make it.

Tuesday, June 15, 2004

Why I Love America 2

A Metairie abortion clinic has accused a telephone referral service of tricking women into carrying their pregnancies to term by repeatedly rescheduling appointments with an abortion doctor until it is too late for a legal abortion.
Women seeking abortions were tricked, suit says

Weekly World News 2

I have never read WWN before, but it is actually hillarious satire - and I'm not even drunk. Well, not that drunk.

Just look at these headlines:
-Low-Carb Dieter Turns Cannibal
-Lottery Winner Trades Ticket for Neighbor's Sexy Wife
-Satan hires public relations firm to improve image
-Florida will sink like Atlantins - unless 4 million fatties move out Now

Weekly World News

I went to Safeway to buy some beer, and in line - with a half of PBR and a loaf of cheap bread - i noticed the Weekly World News, with Cheney on the cover, and it was the funniest thing I had ever seen. I nearly cracked up laughing in line.

So naturally I had to buy it, which made me look really whiskey tango, what with the PBR and white bread I had already.

[For those who don't regularly use TGP sites: you click the thumbnail to open the full-sized image.]

thanks fly out to ----- for the hosting

Justice for Janitors

It is a beautiful day today in Portland, and I just got back from the Justice for Janitors/SEIU rally and march that took place at noon.

The turnout for the rally was good, although I certainly always wish that more people would represent. Jim Francesconi made a short statement at the beginning, which was good of him, even if he does have a face like a lizard.

The march wound through downtown from Terry Schrunk Plaza, up to the park blocks above the Fox Tower, which was one of the two main targets of the day.

Fox Tower, which is owned by big time Portland developer Bill Moyer, houses some of the most upscale retail and office space in the downtown area. Its retail cornerstones are a huge Banana Republic store, (you know how much that shit costs) and Regal Cinemas' Fox Tower theatre - an upscale art house multiplex that sells out shows every weekend. And yet this building does not want to give fair wages, and health benefits to their janitors. Keep that in mind next time you think about going to see a movie there, and if your planning to shop at Banana Republic - DON'T, for lots of reasons...

The other stop of the day was One Main Plaza, which as I understood it, had union janitors, but then dropped them in favor of a cheaper non-unionized janitorial firm. At 1 Main the most memorable event of the march took place when we all packed into the large downstairs lobby, and formed a circle - drumming, dancing, and chanting our way around the room.

At the conclusion of the march, in the park blocks, a few more people spoke, highlighting the main points of the day, which were fair wages, health care, and unionization for janitors in Portland. A seemingly simple request - for building owners in Portland's richest high rise developments - which would make all the difference in the lives of hardworking janitors and their children.

F911 Theatres

varsity theatre, ashland
regal tualatin valley highway 16, hillsboro
century 16 eastport, portland
regal division street 13, portland
regal fox tower 10, portland
regal lloyd center cinema 10, portland
No theatres in Eugene - probably because you guys are a bunch of fucking hippies.

It is worth noting that the website currently only lists 325 theatres showing the movie, so they are either behind on updating the listings, or way behind their targets for distribution.

Salmon Man Fights Crime

The guy who actually collared the purse snatcher was wearing a foam rubber full-body salmon costume.
Heroic ZooBombers Fight Evil Crime! (indymedia) (pictures)

Was this The Salmon Man? A well known figure in downtown portland, known for handing out literature that details how removing the plastic license plate holders off your car can save salmon? I don't know, but if there are two people in this town crazy enough to wear a full body salmon suit, while doing the ZooBomb on a minibike, then we are in more trouble than I thought.

Blog Crawl

Finding myself too lethargic to leave the house, and too bored to watch TV, I decided to just start reading in order the most recently updated blogs on blogspot. Apparently I am a person who hits bottom when I don't have any drugs. On that subject: switching from a diet of booze, speed, and coke, to a diet of booze, sugar, and fat is not doing wonders for my physique either. But enough of all that, and let's move on.

For anyone who reads blogs (such as this one) regularly, you already know that 99% of them are total shite. And the other 1% are just really fucking disturbing, or moronic. The following are the magic 1% - in no particular order.

1) Kate's Pics
An ugly teenage girl who apparently just graduated high school, but failed to learn how retarded it is to post gash pictures of yourself on the internet.

2) Don't Click - You will regret it!!!
This site wins in the "eye-ball melting design" category, and congratulations go out to the 13 year-old girl who created this monstrosity of creativity gone bad. This will probably be her last meaningful contribution to humanity, at least for the next five years, until she turns 18 and can begin an exciting career as an adult entertainer.

3) Desert Perspectives
This from a self described "LDS same sex attracted" individual - or as I wrote in my notes "mormon faggot in denial." I didn't read much of this, but noted it for future mining, because I'm sure it contains some priceless material.

4) lisablog
"I really hate them. My grandpa is really creepy too. Like actually staring at my chest and being too touchy feely. It made me sick to my stomach." The quote speaks for itself. If I knew this girl, I would probably be dating her.

5) Here I Am
"I found out why women obsess over men. Its our curse! (Genesis 3:16)" Also disturbing, but more funny than creepy.

Monday, June 14, 2004

Fox News Neither Fair or Balanced - Shock!

Fox News censured for rant at BBC (Guardian)
Ofcom said Fox had breached the programme code in three areas: failing to honour the "respect for truth" rule; failing to give the BBC an opportunity to respond; and failing to apply the rule that says, in a personal view section, "opinions expressed must not rest upon false evidence".

Action: Repeal Drug Provisions...

...of the Higher Education Act that withhold Federal Student Aid from college students who have been convicted of even minor drug "crimes."

Anyone who has filled out a FAFSA recently knows what this is about - it is the little box you check off indicating whether or not you have ever been convicted of a drug "crime." If your a person who has to check that box, well, bend the fuck over and get out the vaseline, because you won't be getting any federal assistance in paying your skyrocketing college tuition.

Repealing this law is so common sense that further explanation isn't really necessary. Click Here to sign a petition being circulated by the NAACP and ACLU.

Steal This!

It struck me when I was reading over my previous post, that some people my age may have no fucking clue who Abbie Hoffman was.

Very shortly, he was an activist/acid-freak/psychotic, who was very instrumental in the late 60s and early 70s peace movement, and he was a true revolutionary. He was also the author of a book called Steal This Book, which is both historically informative, and still an effective guide for those interested in action.

As it happens, someone has taken the time to put this book online, so you can Steal It!

Why I love America

...The Oregon Republican Fat-Cats List

The idea behind this list is to single out wealthy Republican donors who are flouting our Democracy by funneling money through their unemployed "homemaker" wives, and thus donating $4000 dollars in their own names, and on the behalf of the corporations, and corporate agendas they support. All told, this list comprises 46 donors - most of whom gave the maximum amount allowed - who in total gave $173,000 dollars to the Bush campaign.

It is worth noting that in one election season, these individuals have given to one campaign, probably more money than I have spent in my entire life. And that folks, is why I love America.

Sunday, June 13, 2004

Rev. Dennis Delivers The Word...

...and the State Democratic Convention delivers a wild-eyed far-left platform.

Around 8:00am this morning I manage to drag myself out of bed, and somehow get enough coffee and advil down my throat to get out of the house and down to the MAX stop. Amazingly this proved to be worth the effort, because when the convention convened at 9:00am Dennis Kucinich took the stage - to the frenetic applause of an army of rabid Kuchies - and delivered a fiery speech that denounced the pacification of the right-wing, and extolled the virtues of leadership by principle.

At first Kuch seemed a bit off tilt - he identified one of his own operatives as Diego Alvarez, instead of Alvarado. I heard someone mutter that he must have "hit the rails pretty hard" the night before. But as he built momentum, and the crowd continued to increase the intensity of their response, Dennis got into his own. By the time he was condemning Kerry's support of Bush's war policies, and leading a call for Democrats to set an alternative policy, even I was standing and cheering.

Others in the audience shouted "yes, yes" as he spoke, invoking a spirit of religious revival. All that was missing was a call for the converts to come down the isle, and kneel before the congregation - to accept the spirit of the holy trinity of democracy (Jefferson/FDR/JFK) into their political consciousness.

After Dennis left, so did I, to go up the street for another 20oz cup of coffee. Walking out, I was joined by a number of other Kucinich supporters. For them it seems, a Democratic Party without Dennis Kucinich is a Democratic Party not worth being a part of, and I can't say that I really disagree with them. I am not a registered Democrat anyway.

The Democratic Party is a dinosaur - a gigantic old skeleton, which gets dragged out and dusted off every couple of years to be toured around the country. It does still draw crowds who come to gawk at the spectacle, but with each passing season they come out in fewer numbers, and those who come bring less of an interest and intensity than they did before.

While I was brooding on this, nursing a hangover, and sipping on my hot coffee, I fired off a text-message to Mr. A complaining bitterly about my boredom, and concluding that "The only people still getting turned on by the D party are necrophiliacs!"

This, in retrospect, proved to be a rush to judgment, because once I began to listen to the debate over the planks in the platform, I realized that what had been assembled over the past two days, in the meetings I couldn't attend because I didn't have the money to register, was a truly supportable progressive agenda.

In the planks of the platform you will find support for "public education at all levels, universal and free for all." It is clearly stated that "we support universal health care." The platform calls for the "repeal of the USA PATRIOT act." The platform denounces a "bloated defense budget," and endorses "increases in the incomes of the poorest in our society." Reading and hearing language like this was a pleasant surprise, and I actually found myself staring at a document that I would endorse.

On the lunch break I hurried home, and started to chug some cheap wine, while doing last minute research for proposed amendments to the Legislative Agenda of the platform, which was scheduled for debate during the afternoon. After 30 minutes - and 3 glasses - of frantic digging for obscure statistics, I poured out another quart of wine into a large cup, and staggered back across the river.

When the delegates recovened, the realities of trying to debate 14 pages of policy points, along with countless additions, began to sink in. As the afternoon progressed, the pressure for speed steadily eroded the level of order, and the ability of the delegates to follow and participate in the proceedings. When the final hour arrived, the process collapsed entirely, and the convention descended into chaos.

Nathan Jimenez, who had been forcibly removed earlier in the day after a long outburst of railing against what he described as, the "vagaries of the Chair," fought his way to the microphone repeatedly. He frantically called points of order, and personal privilege, while making a litany of wild motions. His attempts were met mainly with defeat, and inspired a great deal of annoyance in his fellow delegates, which reminded me that the Democratic Party never really cared much for Abbie Hoffman or Jerry Rubin either.

Will Seaman - the soft spoken, but eloquent mainstay of PPRC demonstrations - delivered a passionate argument, calling for Israeli withdrawal from the occupied territories. The motion to include this controversial language was passed in a contentious 77-70 vote.

At one point, a hastily formed group of activists won a voice vote to include language condemning human rights violations by China. Then, a few minutes later, a (presumably Chinese) Asian woman, whose name I did not catch, angrily took to a mic and demanded that the point be reconsidered. She contended that it was unfair to single out the Chinese for human rights violations that are common in regimes around the world. Her point was well taken, and the language was stricken.

This incident was perhaps the most extreme, but not the only example of how the haste of the afternoon session led to votes on language that had been only superficially debated, and poorly understood by the delegates.

In another very close vote, a motion to insert language supporting "instant run-off" voting was rejected, (65-60 I believe) after only the most minimalist explanation, and a cut-short debate in which the Chairman took the floor in opposition. After the vote I heard a young delegate, who was wearing a Kucinich t-shirt, say bitterly that he was "quitting the Democratic Party."

While there was some bitterness at times, there was also a great sense of humor among the delegates. At one point when a woman was speaking in opposition to privatization of the OLCC, saying that this would lead to "liquor being sold in your neighborhood stores 24 hours a day, seven days a week," someone in the back began clapping loudly, bringing a round of laughter from the lighter elements of the after lunch crowd. In another case a bearded middle-aged man from Multnomah County, who had seen his progressive amendments being shut down all day, took the mic in opposition to a motion he actually supported, saying that "since I seem to kill everything I touch, please vote against this," which unleashed another wave of laughter.

As the last hour wound down it became increasingly apparent that the final platform would be woefully ragged and unfinished. Recognizing this, an ambiguous motion was put forward to allow the Democratic Party Executive Committee to edit the platform and rectify any "inconsistencies" in the text. This motion brought about smatterings of explosive dissent, but with time running out, and no real alternatives being offered, it passed.

The affect of leaving the platform open, to be edited by another committee, remains to be seen. It is possible that the platform may stand as it is, unchanged. According to one local party agent who took the floor, it is against the party's by-laws for the platform to be modified outside of the convention. It is also possible that radical modifications could be made, to remove some of the platform's more divisive language, which will surely hang like a rotting albatross on the neck of Democratic candidates in rural Oregon.

As the platform stands now - in the language that has been passed by the State Convention - it is a truly exciting progressive vision for Oregon and America. Major points that I have not yet mentioned include support for:
-single-payer healthcare
-getting the U.N. in, and the U.S. out of Iraq
-rescinding Most Favored Nation trade status for China
-normalization of relations with Cuba
-withdrawal from NAFTA, FTAA, GATT, Fast Track [negotiation], WTO
-taxing companies based on Net Income reported to shareholders [as opposed to IRS]
-ratification of, and full participation in the International Criminal Court
-repeal of the death penalty
-judicial discretion in criminal sentencing [read: opposition to mandatory minimum sentencing]
-ending the war on drugs [I am proud to say that I was the instigator for this language - and thanks to the individuals who put it forward for me.]
-immediate ratification of Kyoto Accord
-repeal of the "kicker"
-removal of upper limit on Social Security payroll tax
-progressive taxation of all income, including capital gains, and dividends

In case it isn't clear, the platform adopted today looks a lot like the one that Kucinich has been campaigning on, and it is far to the left of the positions being promoted by John Kerry. This is no accident. The Kuchies are excited about their candidate's ideas, and they had the dedication to arrive in force at the convention to get them into the Oregon platform. But what now?

Something I heard from more than one delegate was "This is my first Democratic convention, and it will probably be my last." I also heard from a number of young - and a few older - progressives that they would not campaign for Kerry, and some said that they wouldn't even vote for him.

At the Oregon State Democratic Convention there were almost no young people participating as delegates. To have some of the few who did attend say that it wasn't worth it, because the national candidate and party is too far to their right for them to support, is a potential disaster for the Democratic Party. It remains to be seen what will happen at the national convention, but if the Democratic Party fails to listen to this same group of noisy lefties who dominated in Oregon, they will squander an opportunity to expand the big tent with some of the strongest and most dedicated activists they have had the opportunity to reach out to in years. At the same time though, a platform like the one adopted here could be disastrous nationally, and though it remains to be seen, there were surely be ramifications locally.

Saturday, June 12, 2004

Disorganized, Pointless Post

I was watching C-SPAN earlier this evening, (let's not even talk about what a lame-ass loser this makes me - it's a touchy subject) and they were running a commencement speech by Jon Stewart, at William & Mary, his alma mater. It was really funny.

One of his bits, which I am paraphrasing, went something like "I don't want you to set the bar low, but - seriously - not everyone can spend their life wandering around in an alcoholic haze, and then become President when they turn 40." Naturally, this was met by wild applause.

[I am watching Bridget Jones' Diary now - for reasons I can't comprehend - and it just struck me that it could be called BJs Diary... Coincidence? I think not.

On a side note...

I am preparing a list of Oregon's "fat cat" Republican Donors. In this list I have the names of 46 households where both the self-described "home-maker" wife, and rich CEO/VP/Owner husband donated the maximum amount of $2000 to King George II's Second Crusade.

Shit, I feel like McCarthy now. If only I could get some smack, the effect would be complete.

Friday, June 11, 2004

AA in my future?

The magic 8-Ball says "Very Fucking Likely."

I feel terrible.

Blows my weekend... 2

My last post got out of control, so I decided it would be best to just start a new one.

Big, BIG, event number 1, is the PPRC counter-Reagan demonstration, same bat-time, same bat-channel (Friday, 5:00pm, Pioneer Square) as always.
The Crimes of Ronald Reagan: Local Peace & Justice Groups come together to remember the victims of the Reagan Administration.
Somewhat less inspiring is the Democratic State Convention, which is taking place this weekend @ the Oregon Convention Center. I will drag my ass to this as well, not because I really care, but because I can see the Convention Center right out my window across the river, and I can ride the MAX there for free.

Blows my weekend - 'cause naturally, I'm gonna have to go.

Not one, but two, important events are taking place this weekend, and right now, I don't have the spice to even think about either one of them.

I just broke my coffee pot, whilst trying to clean it, and in retrospect maybe filling it with ice cubes and shaking it violently was not a good way to polish it. What kind of person uses fucking ICE CUBES to "clean" a coffee pot? Why would I even do a think like that?

Fuck! I was given that little "tip for living" by a stoned out, junkie crack-head I used to work with. I should shit down that fucker's throat, god damn it, because his bullshit just cost me a fucking coffee pot. I would go to Phoenix right now, and throw a sack of flaming shit at him, but he is probably already in county - where he belongs - and I ain't goin' to "Joe's House" - not even to throw a sack of flaming shit at someone.

That was cathartic - I'm feeling a little better now. Shit, since I'm on the subject already, I may as well mention how much I hate Joe Arapio, (sp?) the Maricopa County Shitbags - oh sorry, Sheriffs - Dept, the Phoenix PD, and especially the Phoenix/Maricopa Fire Department. If I had it in me, I would shit on all their graves.

I would rather have my house burn down, than call the Phoenix Fire Department for help. They would just go inside, loot anything of value, and then go back to the station house to toss eachother's salad. The PFP is the most inept pack of useless swine I can imagine, they boggle the mind. They are all accidents, and failed back-alley abortions. Even their mothers will shit on their graves, when they die.

I hope that Bush wins the next election, and resumes testing of tactical nuclear weapons. Phoenix and all its suburbs should be declared a nuclear test site. All of its residents should be infected with smallpox, leprosy, and The Plague. Every one of those rich-trash, Republican voting, yahoo cowboys should die a horrible death. Radiation poisoning is too good for them.

Jesus! Was there a point here? How did I get locked into this hate frenzy? Part of it has to do with the fact that a geek from Comcast came and fixed the cable, just in time for me to see that no less than 10 channels are showing non-stop live coverage of Reagan's funeral. That is a difficult thing to take, especially when you are dealing with a really terrible hangover. Shit, even "Winsor Pilate" infomercials are better that the funeral of Reagan.

But enough of that. I just blew a load of bloody snot out of my nose, and can actually breath again, so it'time to get down to business.

Thursday, June 10, 2004


Yeah!!! I'm boozed up, and ready for some serious hooliganism!

No speed, which is a shame, but by deftly mixing cheap wine, PBR, rum, and "thirsty thursday" beer specials, I should be able to make out.

Amusing Websites From the Corporate-Food Lobby

The Center for Consumer Freedom - Loads of hack postings, very entertaining.

NeoProhibition.com - Affiliate site dedicated mostly to attacking MADD, which isn't all bad, but they are also way over the top.

So, do any of these right-wing, pro-Republican corporate interest groups - who supposedly are all about free choice - support the right of adults to freely choose to use dangerous drugs? I doubt it.

Wednesday, June 09, 2004

2004 Interactive Electoral College Map

Here (L.A. Times)

This map is pretty cool. It shows every state, and the number of EC votes it has, and the current polling results for that state, and then lets you change the direction each state goes, and tallies up the vote totals for you.

Who Needs a Miracle?

Top White House aides are saying - off the record - that the President's behavior has recently become a matter of concern to those around him.

According to these sources, what began as an unnoticed part of the President's daily jogging routine, has now spread to consume most of his day, and is interfering with his own ability, and the ability of those around him, to conduct their business. Word is, the President is addicted to CHEESY TRANCE!

The President's trance habit apparently began when he discovered a "Trancetopia 2000" mix CD that one of his daughters had left behind on a visit. At first the president would listen to the CD while he was jogging, saying that the "upbeat, happy music, helped him unwind," from the stress of a morning spent listening to grim status updates on Homeland Security, the Iraq War, and the escalating detainee Torture Scandal.

Now, aides say, the President's condition has gotten worse. Not only does the President listen continuously, but he has now reduced himself to listening to only one track - "Toca's Miracle" by Fragma - over and over, on repeat. On top of this, he spends increasing amounts of time wearing nothing but camoflage cargo pants, with no shirt, gyrating around the oval office, claiming to be "practicing his liquid."

Another source, a member of the White House custodial staff who would not be named for fear of losing their job, claimed that about a week ago, the President - apparently inspired by the publicity about Rush Limbaugh's maid - furtively approached them, and asked if they could help him "score," something called "x," which the custodian was not familiar with.

One can only assume that the President was referring to the drug ecstasy, and it is not clear which is more worrying - the President's inneptitude concerning drug slang, or the fact that he may very soon end up in a "cuddle-puddle" with Dick Cheney and Condolezza Rice.

Today's round-up of (depressingly bad) Iraq news

Iyad Allawi, the Iraqi PM to be, masterminded terrorist bombings (with civilian targets) aimed at the Hussein regime during the early '90s - bombings that were instigated and paid for by the CIA. So says the N.Y. Times. Full Story

Also in the Times: The two main Kurdish political parties, which control armed forces of 75,000 fighters combined, have withdrawn their senior leadership from Baghdad, and are on the verge of a defacto succession from the new Iraqi state, which will be created June 30. Full Story

On the wire, the AP is reporting that a major pipeline has been blown up by insurgents, forcing the shutdown of a power plant, and resulting in a 10% decrease in available electricity for the entire country. Full Story, plus summary of today's other developments. (Courtesy Yahoo)

It's not really "news," (because everyone already knew it would happen) but the U.N. Security Council unanimously approved a resolution on Iraqi sovereignty.

How can you have any pudding if you don't eat your meat?

With the O'Franken Factor, that's how.

Reading comments on the blog over there, I ran across this one, which cracked me the fuck up, because I love Abu Ghraib humor.
Ashcroft? First let's strip him naked . . then let's get those attack dogs out, and see if he thinks being treated like the Iraqi prisoners is like frat hazing. Oh, let's get Rush in there too . .in fact I can think of a WHOLE PILE of those guys who would look great in a naked pyramid.
Maybe I should go to Washington, so can get a picture of myself leaning over Reagan's corpse, flashing a thumbs-up.

Fuck Reagan!

Apparently the national press is finally beginning to remove their collective head from their ass, and starting to print some more balanced retrospectives on our freshest presidential corpse.

The Washington Post offers up a quick overview of the various racist, illegal, and economically disastrous policies that Reagan pursued while in office, and includes this gem of malignant stupidity from Reagan's Interior Secretary.
Watt was forced to resign from his Cabinet post after a series of controversies, including the uproar that followed his portrayal of five members of an advisory panel as "every kind of mix you can have. I have a black, I have a woman, two Jews and a cripple. And we have talent."
Schisms From Administration Lingered for Years

Tuesday, June 08, 2004

Cracked the Fuck Out!

I finally got permission from Mr. A to reprint the transcript of this conversation, which took place this morning (about 10:00am), although I did have to redact some classified portions of it.

[Mr. A is on the phone, and raving wildly, in a brutally sardonic tone. He refused to allow me to reprint the beginning of this for his own reasons...]

Mr. A: I've been popping sudafed all fucking morning - but it doesn't do anything any more.


Mr. A: Earlier I felt like I was going to die, then I took some, and I felt a little better, but then thirty minutes later I felt like I was going to die again.


Mr. A: How do you feel?

Dr. E: OK. I feel pretty good.

Mr. A: That's great. I'm glad your doing good. Fucker! [long pause] Fuck you, you stupid mother fucker!!

With friends like these...

Coke is fuckin' dead as... Dead

...and heroin is comin' back in a big fuckin' way.

Pulp Fiction is a great fucking movie. That's all I have to say.

You Are All Pigs

This story takes some setup, but here goes.

I was spending some time today with my nephew, who is five, and has a major obsession with the game "slug-bug." But it is not your regular slug-bug, this is a version of slug-bug that includes taxis, police cars, convertibles, jeeps, red pickups, limos, and god knows what else.

Anyway, the kid loves slug-bug, and he also loves to win, which means he cheats continuously. Most of the time the adults just ignore this, but every once in a while we will gang up and go all out, just to mess with him.

This is the situation that I found myself in earlier today, driving with my sister, grandma, and nephew. I had just gone into a long rant about "pigs," "swine," and "scum-suckers," for reasons that I don't even remember, and then I had gotten heavily into the slug-bug competition.

My sister, and myself were racking up literally dozens of scores, and my nephew was becoming increasingly aggravated. Finally he had had enough, and just yelled out at the top of his lungs:


It cracked me the fuck up. I am a great role-model.

Pistons Choke Like One of Kobe's Rape Victims*

Son of a bitch. That stupid fuck Mr. A picked up a last-minute sucker bet on L.A. from me, and won.

I knew I should have never trusted 'Sheed. He is nothing but a god damn junkie. AHHHHHHH!

I hate gambling. Not only am I completely inept at all games of skill, but I also have no manner of luck whatsoever. I really need to stop.



So now that I discovered Quizilla, I am hooked into making myself a little quiz.

I just started, so it is far from complete, but check it out.

What kind of speedballer are you? - The Sex, Drugs, Music & Politics Quiz.

[I have changed the title of this, and consequently the link]

[I have added to the quiz considerably now, and it is complete, at least in skeletal form.]

I'm a lush indie fuck

I took this lame ass quiz that Mr. A posted a like to, and here are the results. Pretty accurate, amazingly enough.
congrats!! you are mostly a lush indie fuck that
dont care about nothin. you should be happy
becuase your the only indie fuck that comes
close to at least a half way decent human
being. you most likely play in a shitty band
and also listenin to shitty music but the drugs
make you an ok guy?

what type of indie fuck are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

What are you - a fuck'n' owl?

this is an audio post - click to play

Yet another of Al "Over-the-Top" Pacino's greatest hits.

Your a speed freak - jack'n' Meth-Amphetamines again

this is an audio post - click to play

This audio blogging thing is sweet - sweeeet! And how better to play with this new toy than posting classic scenes of Al Pacino from the movie Heat.

Monday, June 07, 2004

Casual Encounters

In case you don't know, the "casual encounters" section of craigslist is consistantly about the most hillarious thing you can find on the internet. This posting is particularly funny.
Aces Wild Party Was Ghetto!!!!

I’m greeted at the front door by a hostess (who by the way was nasty!), and she gives me a quick little tour of the place. First we walk into a little waiting room, off to the right were private cubbies for people who didn’t want to be watched. The moans and screams coming from the little room got me really excited, and I could wait to meet a couple of girls and bring them back.
In the center of the waiting room were a bunch of chairs, and a lot freaky guys were just sitting around, But what ever.
Then we walked thru a hall way with another private room off to the left, and some “glory hole” booth off to the right. Yuck…But again, what ever.
We venture on out of the hallway to a room with lockers and a tv playing porn, and to my surprise a few more freaky guys, just hanging out.
Walking up a little ramp, there is this fat girl in a swing, getting screwed by some more freaky guys, surrounded by a lot of freaky guys. It’s getting a little scary. At the end of the ramp a hot tub. Guess what?......Some freaky guy is sitting in it by himself!
We turn the corner to another room. Aha! Ladies?.... Nope just more dudes just kickin’ it. We end our tour at this really nice all you can eat buffet. Really! The food looked bomb. But all I could think about was a bunch of freaky guys, diddeling them self’s in the glory hole room or at the swing, and them coming over to feast on the meat and cheese platter without cleaning up.
I was standing at the end of the tour, close to the front door, and close to the waiting room with the cubbies. The moans were just as loud. But my fantasies of fine lookin’ girlies gettin’ it in these rooms vanished. So I just walked out the front door, and went to drink by myself.
Seriously, I have never felt as filthy as I did last night. It was super creepy!

Carlo Rossi - My new best friend

Riding up in the elevator at this sub-posh loft development, I got a few somewhat sideways glances from my fellow passengers.

I may have looked somewhat dishelved - i was wearing faded shorts, a ragged sweatshirt, sunglasses and sandals (in the rain). But I think what made them nervous was the gallon jug of wine I was holding, and the fact that it was already 3/4 gone.

Now that wine is gone, or at least the last of it has already been poured into my glass, and I am looking at that big empty jug, thinking that it would make one hell of a molatov cocktail. The nearest Starbucks is only six blocks away...

Maybe not. Maybe I should just fill it up with pigs blood, then toss it over the 10 foot electrified fence at the Morman temple down in Lake Oswego. And if that doesn't work out, well, there's always recycling.

Street Literature

Idling around at my Mom's pad, perusing her bookshelf, I happened to notice a stack of roughly bound, paperback sized, little books. The one on top had a black & white photo of Bush on the cover, and was titled The Public Revival of Facism - And the Criminal History of the Bush Family, which grabbed my attention.

What I learned from reading these four short books is that they are published and sold by a man named Michael Carver, who was, at least when he wrote them, living homeless in Portland.

Two of the books, Michael Carver: What It's Like to be Me parts 1 & 2, were particularly good. In both, the author not only tells about his life, and the day-to-day realities on the street, but also ties these things in to the larger social and political realities that lie at the root of the widespread homelessness, and working poverty that exist in this country.

Below I have included some excerpts from What It's Like to be Me Part 1 - Landless Peasant in Corporate America, and I strongly recommend that anyone who has any interest in social justice at all, try and get a copy of these books to read for yourself. The author can be contacted at ysmike@yahoo.com (address listed in the book).
...crawl outside, push the stakes back in the mud as solidly as I can, climb back in, then get dressed, wet, crouched down, unable to stand. Gather up the days necessities, don't forget anything! Straighten up the tent, and out into the wind, and rain. It's going to be a tough day selling newspapers. The walk to the bus stop is over thirty minutes long. I camp a long way out of town, to get away from most of the drunken convicts. The trick is to get so far away from any access to alcohol that the criminals are unlikely to camp there. I've been attacked in my sleep twice, once by a guy with a hatchet. I try to avoid that stuff these days.
If the people of this country want a healthy economy, with plenty of jobs, and plenty of money for education, health care, and social services (including Social Security), the single most important thing to do would be to raise the minimum wage to something a person can live on. The benefits of this are exponential. Not only would the working class have money to spend, and not have to apply for social services, but they could cut back on their hours, freeing up hours for another worker, thereby creating jobs. The tax revenue generated by raising minimum wage would cover all the budget needs, and working less hours would allow parents to spend more time with their children.

Sunday, June 06, 2004

Viva La Revolucion

Continuing my wibble-wobble around the wacky communist web, I stopped in at El Granma, the State mouthpiece in sunny and beautiful Cuba, where they are cooking up some truly strange shit indeed.

Video of decapitated U.S. citizen in Iraq staged by the CIA
That situation led to the monopoly of diffusion being centralized in Fox News, CNN and the BBC, identified by the experts as traditional CIA media plants.

The Internet site where the video was originally placed belongs to a society based in Malaysia, which has gone offline; thus the video no longer exists.

The name of the domain, or ownership of the Internet address belonged to Arab Press House, a London-based press society with no Islamic links whatsoever.
Now, I must say that this is a story that I greeted with a great deal of skepticism, bordering on outright dismissal, but since I was bored, and just sitting around watching the stupid fucking Day After Tommorow, I decided to do some checking on it.

I looked up the domain record for al-ansar.biz Here and immediately found that the information on record is totally different than what is described in this story. Then I noticed that the last time the domain record was edited was on June 3, the same day the story was re-posted on El Granma - the plot thickens.
Currently the al-ansar.biz domain, which lists registration information for Denmark, is down. The DNS servers listed for it have incomplete contact information listing Dubai, Arab Emerates as the place of registration, and they are still operating, and being hosted by a company in Florida.

So what do I make of all this? Is it communist propaganda? Dumb conspiracy theory? Do I really care, even if it is true?

Probably, probably, probably not.


I don't know why, but I like to read the People's Daily News on Sundays.

So I bring you today's gem. A Chinese perspective on the failures of neo-con ideology.

US global strategy foiled

I've Seen More Twisted Things - but not recently

"This is an open love letter to Al Gore. Al, I love the way you're receeding hairline highlights the shiny spots on your head, I love the way you're southern accent makes my young heart pitter-patter, I love the way you went nuts after the 2000 election and the most rebellious thing you did was grow a beard, I LOVE the fact you endorsed Howard Dean, I love how you laid down like a diseased dog in Florida and allowed Bush and Co. to steal the election... oh wait, I HATE THAT!"
Irrelevance A friend of Mr. A's

Lindsay Lohan Update

For some reason I had no idea that Lindsay Lohan was SEVENTEEN. I learned that just yesterday, when I was reading the Portland Mercury, which was repeating rumours that she has breast implants. [I'm shocked]

Today, I asked my brother-in-law if he had known that she was 17, and he tells me that she was seen leaving a club with R. "Molest'o'matic" Kelly! Apparently R has been a fan of her work ever since Parent Trap - when she was 12!

Jesus sick-and-diseased Christ, that guy has a problem. I mean, seriously, he has a thirst for underage pussy, like I do for cheap vodka and coke.

Action: Fuck Limbaugh

Normally I wouldn't do this - you know - anything productive, but I happened to get an email from Working Assets, (How the fuck did they get my address? God damn it!) and it struck me as being pretty cool.

They are doing a letter writing campaign to either have Limbaugh removed from American Forces Radio, or to have alternative viewpoints given equal time.

American Forces Radio is a radio program paid for by the U.S. Government, and broadcast to the troops around the world. I for one was shocked, because I had no idea they would even consider broadcasting cheap jack-off bullshit like Limbaugh.

I mean, fuck, your going to send young men and women half way around the world, and then force them to listen to that dope addled fat fuck? No wonder the military is so fucking Red.

Get the full scoop here:
Click it Bitch

Another Liberal Flip-Flopper - How many can I take?

I swear to freakin' god - Mr. A takes fewer real positions that John Kerry.
Dr. E has claimed that I once said that I was "glad that George W. Bush" was president right after 9/11. Most of you who know me should know that I would ever say such garbage. However, what I did say was something to the effect of "well, he's the president, we should support him in this time of crisis. I wish Al Gore were here, but he's not."
Mr. A, I'm going to cut you off right there - because this is the NO SPIN ZONE, and your spinning like a damn top.

Your denials are meaningless. I mock them. You DID say that you were glad to have Bush as president, because you thought he would be a stronger war leader than Al Gore, and you were a dupe and a fool to believe that.

You would be better off just admitting it - and claim you were on E when you said it.

Jimmy Carter - A President Worth Remembering

Today, in a time when cynicism, bitterness, and partisan acrimony reign supreme over our political discourse, the life and presidency of Jimmy Carter truly stands as a beacon on a hill - reminding us of a time when decency, humanity, conviction, and patriotism united us as Americans.

Unlike his contemporaries, who fanned the flames of racial intolerance, and used code-words and euphemisms to divide the American people, Jimmy Carter was truly a Great Communicator, who spoke to all Americans in one voice, and ceaselessly promoted a message of justice, tolerance, freedom, and belief in the American Ideal.

As president, Carter led the nation in difficult times, with a steady and reassuring hand. In the face of crisis he reduced the deficit, and presided over an increase by 8 million workers in the nation's employment.

In the realm of foreign affairs, he secured peace between Egypt and Israel. Even as his political opponents betrayed our nation - by making secret deals with Iran - he strove for a resolution to the Iranian hostage crisis, and only failed due to the twisted machinations of those who sought to take his place.

Above all, President Carter was humble, and he never indulged himself in the hubris of believing that he stood above his fellow man. One of my favorite Jimmy Carter quotes is this:
even the greatest historical events, are not determined by the leaders of a nation or a state ... They are controlled by the combined wisdom and courage and commitment and discernment and unselfishness and compassion and love and idealism of the common ordinary people.

In word, and action, President Jimmy Carter was a man who epitomized the ideals that all Americans strive for. His legacy is one that truly deserves to be remembered and emulated.

Biography of Jimmy Carter

Jimmy Carter Law Day Address One of Carter's Greatest Speeches

Saturday, June 05, 2004

The Rose Parade & a bad case of The Fear

Sweet Jesus. I just managed to get back inside, and not a moment too soon.

I had originally intended to go to the video store on 9th & Burnside, and then stop in at Whole Foods to snag some over-priced beer, but I had completely forgoten that the Rose Parade was going on.

When I got onto the street, and walked up through the Park Blocks, I was greeted by a sea of truely Fear inducing spectacles. The streets were swarming with cops, both blocking them off in patrol cars, and roaming freely amongst the crowd, casting dark stares on anybody who looked weird, which definitely included me.

Already jittery from the heavy Police presence, I looked down the block, and saw a group of Storm Troopers milling around Darth Vader, and an Imperial Officer.

Good God, I thought, can this be real? I did a double take, but I definitely wasn't hallucinating. I decided to turn up the block, and walk toward them. As I walked I saw Vader begin to point, and give orders, but I couldn't hear what he was saying.

Suddenly Storm Troopers began siezing innocent bystanders, and grappling them out of their clothes, then throwing them onto the ground, where they began to force them into a human pyramid.

No, no - too horrible. Just a bad fantasy. I quickened my face, and tried to look nonchalant as I walked past them.

I felt ill now, and the back of my throat burned with a foul gastric taste. I was driven now, only by my thirst.

At first I had trouble locating the video store, and when I finally found it, it was closed, but by then I didn't have the will to care, and I simply turned away from the darkened door, and made my way quickly to Whole Foods, where I bought a six-pack of Ropewalk, and then hurried home.

I feel calmer now, and maybe once I drink off three - or six - of these beers I will stagger back on to the streets - to mingle.

I Never Knew You - And For That I'm Glad

I did not live in the hayday of the "Reagan Revolution," and so I don't really relate to him on a personal level, but I hate him for his policies, and I curse him for the harm that he has caused me, and this country.

He filled our prisons with hapless drug users, and filled our streets with hopeless mental cripples. He drove our nation into debt, and our government services into ruin. He used an increase in the Social Security payroll tax - levied on the middle class - to provide tax cuts for the super rich. Reagan was the blueprint for everything about this nation that i despise. Now, in death, he will give his silly-grinned protege - George W. Bush - a guaranteed 5-points in the polls, or more, when Bush speaks at his funeral, wrapping himself up in the shroud of hatred, ignorace and fear that Reagan so proudly wore for all his political career.

I don't feel up to writing a proper Euology, like the 18 page behemoth of insipid hero-worship that the N.Y. Times has put together, and I doubt I ever will. I don't have the words, or eloquence, to express how I feel.

In 1994, when Richard Nixon died, Hunter S. Thompson wrote a eulogy for him. It is one of the most vicious and hateful things I have ever read, and if I could match it, it would describe perfectly how I feel about the passing of Ronald Reagan.

He was a swine of a man and a jabbering dupe of a president. Nixon was so crooked that he needed servants to help him screw his pants on every morning. Even his funeral was illegal. He was queer in the deepest way. His body should have been burned in a trash bin.
Richard Nixon was an evil man -- evil in a way that only those who believe in the physical reality of the Devil can understand it. He was utterly without ethics or morals or any bedrock sense of decency.

Read it all. It is worth it.
He Was a Crook (The Atlantic - Reprinted from Rolling Stone)

I Feel GREAT!!!

Which means one of two things:

A) I got sex without having to pay for it - and then outran her pimp before he could slice me up.


B) I just ingested some dangerous drugs.

All I'm going to say is that my luck with pimps hasn't been so good lately, and you can draw your own conclusions.

Hahahahahaha. Time to listen to some hard-house.

Beating Specialist Baker

The title of the Porno I'm watching right now? No, it's Kristof's column in the N.Y. Times detailing how an American Solidier recieved possibly permanent debilitating injuries during the course of a training drill where he was pretending to be a detainee at Gitmo. Throw this on the shit heap of prisoner abuse stories, which seemingly never stops growing.

Nicholas Kristof

FBI Making Political Arrests - Schocking, poshitively schocking

Spain and U.S. at Odds on Mistaken Terror Arrest (N.Y. Times)
Carlos Corrales, a commissioner of the Spanish National Police's science division, said he was also struck by the F.B.I.'s intense focus on Mr. Mayfield. "It seemed as though they had something against him," Mr. Corrales said, "and they wanted to involve us."

"Sodomy is up 23%" - ACLU

The Truth About the ACLU

Apparently in a drunken frenzy, Mr. A - a card carrying ACLU member - posted a secret communique written by the Executive Director of the ACLU.

The letter is revealing, but I still have many questions. Is this Gay sodomy? Incestuous sodomy? Polygamous Sodomy? Man-on-Dog sodomy?

I will not rest until I have the answers, and neither will Rick Santorum, believe me.

I would also like to thank god for...

hydrocodone, diazepam, lorazepam, carisoprodol, opium, alcohol, marijuana, and OPB - I would never get any sleep without them either.

Why I Turn My Phone Off at Night

So I wake up this morning, at the god damn ass crack of dawn again, and I have 10 missed calls on my phone. Which means that one or more of the useless junkies I have for friends and family has gone off (or on, depending on perspective) the rails into heaving boozing and drug abuse, and has been calling me non-stop between the hours of 2:00-5:00am to tell me all about it.

I know it is nothing serious. I am not a person who anybody is going to call in an Emergency, at least not a legitimate emergency. I am not that kind of doctor.

As it turns out, the star performer last night was a very drunk Mr. A, who was later joined by my sister - slightly more under control - who had a brief cameo.

What follows is a transcript of the Mr. A voice mail.

[Mr. A - very cranked up, and talking fast in a bad Al Pacino impression, sounding dangerously unsteady. Not likely to be served any more drinks at this point.]

What the fuck?

Where the fuck have you been? You son of a bitch.


[Somewhat more toned down now, and speaking normally, but with a definite slur on.]

Call you later. Bye.


[Unintelligible high pitched scream that sounds like "fuck" but may just be bar noise.]

All I can say is, thank god for caller id and cellphones, otherwise I would never get any sleep.

Friday, June 04, 2004

McLaughlin Into Smack - Oh wait, that isn't news.

The McLaughlin Group is a show that I like, not so much for its wisdom, but for its madness. Generally speaking, by 10:00pm Friday I am blitzed myself, which makes McLaughlin's stone drunk ravings all the more entertaining.

Tonight I wasn't drunk, but I was staying in anyway, so I watched.

The main point of interest was the Tenet resignation. The most interesting conspiracy theory came courtesy of the Fat Fuck from the Washington Times, who believes that the timing of Tenet's resignation, vis-a-vis the still developing Chalabi/Iran/Spook story, is not a coincidence. Interesting, but probably BS.

On the PBS front, American Experience will be doing a show on Jimmy Carter Monday at 9:00pm.

[Originally I wrote that the Jimmy Carter show would be on "tommorow," but this morning I realized that it is only Saturday, and the show is scheduled for Monday. Sorry, I am still getting used to this seven day week thing.]

Mr. A - You are a dumb [expletive]

I couldn't resist.

See We've Been Had for a explanation of this.

Local News - courtesy of Fox

-A man in Colorado runs amok with a bulldozer destroying buildings after a disagreement with the city. (This was also on BBC World News - apparently as their crazy American segment of the day.)

-A fist-fight breaks out in the Japaneese parliament.

-Lindsay Lohan's father arrested for assaulting his brother-in-law.

-3 Oregon solidiers killed and a fourth seriously wounded in Iraq. (This was breaking news, or presumably it would have beaten out the Japan story, although it probably would have still followed LL, because she has really great breasts.)

Mr A.: What are you, a fucking owl?

the point is that electability does go a long way and is more than just an empty, descriptive phrase.

Did you even read what I wrote? I wasn't saying that electability was meaningless, I was trying to say that electability is why a candidate who no one seemed to really like, ended up winning the nomination.

Dean & McGovern: The KY Connection

"My thesis, as it is, is that the demise of Dean, and reflexive ascendancy of Kerry, has everything to do with 1972, and that, consequently, even though the 'McGovern' candidate of the (D) party got the ax, we still have a lot to learn from the results of the '72 election, and we are still likely to repeat them."

One of the big issues in the (D) primaries this year was "electability," a nebulous descriptor that is basically a measure of a candidate's ability to win votes from people who know fuck-all about the issues, or have an IQ that's smaller than their waistline - which is roughly three-quarters of the electorate.

Last winter, even as Dean led by huge margins in the polls of likely voters, he also had a disturbingly high "dislike" rating. On top of his ability to inspire contempt, Dean was also a representative of the anti-establishment (D) left-wing, a segment of the party that doesn't have a real good record of turning out candidates who can actually win elections. These two factors combined were a persistent drag of Dean's perceived "electability," and yet he led steadily in the polls until just a few days before Iowa.

The legacy of the (D) left-wing in recent memory is one of disastrous and humiliating defeat. Mondale and McGovern were both defeated in embarrassing popular landslides, and virtual shut-outs in the Electoral College.

Dean, who's signature issue was opposition to the war in Iraq, definitely invited comparison to McGovern, who had similarly hung his hat on opposition to Vietnam. This comparison, needless to say, was not a positive one, in terms of inspiring confidence in the (D) punters that Dean was the magic guy who could bring it all home for them in November.

Dean's failure in Iowa was probably in part due to his perceived lack of "electability." Other factors may be numerous, and other people probably have a better grip on them than me, but one thing that really bothered me personally about Dean, as the primaries actually drew near, was that he stopped hammering his key anti-Bush/war message, and instead devolved into finding religion, introducing his wife to the world, attacking Dick Gephardt, and apologizing/issuing retractions for a seemingly endless string of gaffed statements.

The night of the Iowa primary I was working till 9:00pm, so I missed getting to see it all go down, but a friend was texting me results, and needless to say, I was surprised by the results, even though polls from that day (or maybe the day before) had actually predicted the last minute shift away from Dean. Then, when it was all over - and Dean took the stage to address his volunteer army of dim witted poli-sci geeks - well, you know what happened.

After the speech Dean looked more like Eagleton than McGovern, and all of the bandwagon hopping bigshots who had joined up with him - against their party chairman, and believing that he was a sure thing - began tearing up the ship for scrap, in the hopes that they could float away from the wreckage, before they were pulled down in the draft with it. The press, who had previously been openly fellating even low-level Dean staffers simply on request, now went out of their way to crucify Dean in an attempt to make up for the sad fact that they once again TOTALLY MISSED the story, and had failed in every way to predict or prepare their readers for what happened.

Overnight, Dean was finished, and somebody had to be The Candidate, so the voters pulled John Kerry's name out of the hat, not based on his appeal, or because they agreed with him on the issues, but because he seemed to be "electable." And that is why we have a cheeseball jackass, who nobody likes, running as the Democratic Candidate for President of the United States in this fine and beautiful year of 2004.

Uneventful Morning

Once again, I was awoken far to early by a very bright sun streaming through the huge curtainless windows that I am forced to sleep in front of.

I had my usual meal of chips & salsa, and ice cream for breakfast, and then around 10:00, when the sun had risen past the windows, I dozed off, and napped until noon.

When I got up, I took a shit & a shower, and then went downstairs to try and score.

No dice on that either, so now I am finishing up my thoughts on Howard Dean, which should magically appear in about five minutes, as if I had cranked them out off the top of my head at an almost magical speed. Actually, I started them yesterday, and they have been laying around my desktop like a rotting corpse ever since, so I will be glad to have them out of my way.

Thursday, June 03, 2004

7 out of 10 Oregonians find Lars "Very Convincing"

...They're convinced that he's a fucking idiot.

I love talk radio almost as much as vomit crusties.

Local talk is especially good because you get the comfort of knowing that the fucking goobs who call in are your neighbors.

Bad Memory

Jesus! I feel like the guy from Momento.

Just now I remembered that last night I bet Mr. A $100 dollars that Bush would win the election.

Quite frankly, this is not a very good bet. But for me, it is more of an insurance policy. The way I see it, is, if Bush wins in November I'm going to need all the cash I can get - because going into hiding, and fleeing the country, are both pretty expensive.

Note to Mr. A:
Would you mind sending me a polaroid of yourself? And if you want to save me some time, just write "Don't Believe His Lies" on the little white part. Thanks.

Demon Rum 2

You know what I love?

Vomit Crusties.

Fucking Love Them!

They should be one of my turn-ons.

Demon Rum

Woke up this morning, quite frankly, surprised to be alive and not in jail.

My memories of last night are pretty vague, but I do remember being extremely drunk. I also remember getting into a bizarre altercation with the staff of a strip club, which climaxed with me getting 86'd after I set a menu on fire.

Fuck it... I didn't want to go back anyway.

Wednesday, June 02, 2004

Another hard day - drinking in the sun...

Around 3:00pm afternoon I loaded up a big cast-iron cauldron with ice and cheap beer, and then went out onto the porch to lay in the sun, and casually peruse Fear and Loathing on the Campaign Trail in 1972.

First I had to deal with a vicious young Pit Bull, who made me very nervous with his persistent gnawing on my bare feet. But after I pacified the brute, by giving him a tattered glove to slather his teeth upon, I got down to serious business.

The 72/04 parallels in the (D) primary seemed very obvious when Dean was the front-runner, but ever since his collapse, that talk has faded away, and few people seem to have considered why exactly Dean did get defeated, and why JK is the (D) candidate.

One thing is FOR SURE - JK isn't The Candidate because of his vision, leadership, policies, or his ability to Turn People On. In fact, JK has an almost magical ability to Turn People OFF, while at the same time convincing EVEN DEMOCRATS that he is nothing more than a self-serving Flip-Flopper, who would sell his soul to Satan, or whoever else was the highest-bidder, for the opportunity to ascend those last few steps to the Oval Office.

Ok, I'll admit it - I DON'T LIKE JOHN KERRY. But I don't really think that I'm alone, and if I had to guess, I would say that there are a lot of other (D) like me, who are still wondering how this guy got to be our candidate.

My thesis, as it is, is that the demise of Dean, and reflexive ascendancy of Kerry, has everything to do with 1972, and that, consequently, even though the "McGovern" candidate of the (D) party got the ax, we still have a lot to learn from the results of the '72 election, and we are still likely to repeat them.

And when I sober up a bit, I may actually try to back all of this up with some facts, but for now, I have that dirty bitch Mr. A screaming in my ear to POST NOW, and so I will let this go, in whatever shape it is.

Big-Ups to Mr. A

I love using hip-hop slang - it makes me look so cool!


Here's a random conversation overheard outside the Democratic Party's Platform Committee Hearings on Homeland Security.

Individual 1: What did you think about the testimony [concerning Homeland Security preparedness?]

Individual 2: I think that I should sell my belongings and get into smack - or maybe speedballing...

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