Friday, June 18, 2004
The Conservative Republican Way
[I originally posted this on Craigslist:Politics to bitch-slap some lame conservative. WTF - may as well post it here as well.]
A baseball team was ready to begin selling 50,000 tickets for an upcoming game.
A committee was formed to set pricing, and they were about to set the prices as they normally do - with the best seats being sold at the highest prices - but they were interrupted by George, a member of their committee who had a different idea.
"We should sell all the tickets at the same price," said George, "After all, if everyone is getting to watch the game, then shouldn't everyone pay the same price?"
A few other members on the committee immediately questioned this idea, asking, "how will we make up for lost revenue from prime seating?"
"That's easy," replied George, "we will just raise the prices for the nose bleed seats high enough, so that overall revenue remains the same. And if we can't do that, then we will cut back on stadium maintenance, or bathroom janitorial services, or team salary, in order to reduce expenditures."
Well, that works, agreed the other members of the committee, but how will we assign these very few seats, which suddenly everyone will be able to afford? First come, first served?
"About that," said George, "in all fairness, I think we should compensate the people who paid for those high priced tickets all these years, and so, the only people who should be able to buy the best seats, are the ones who have purchased them in the past - I mean, that's only fair."
The committee wasn't too sure about this, but they concurred, because it was already 12:15, and they wanted to finish up the meeting and get to lunch.
"One more thing," George interjected, right as the meeting was about to adjourn, "I think we should discuss pricing policy for our sky boxes."
The group grumbled, but George pressed forward, "The people who buy these sky boxes are our most loyal customers, they are the biggest fans of the team. I think that we should reassess the cost of their sky boxes based on the number of seats they are using, and charge them at the same rate as everyone else - I mean, It's only fair."
"whatever," said a V.P. at the head of the table, "I need to get to lunch."
"Oh, and one last thing," George said, "I am sad to announce that this will be our last meeting together, because I will be resigning."
A chorus of polite dismay went up from the assemble group, and someone asked, "why are you leaving us George?"
"Well," said George, "I've been talking to some of our sky box customers, and it seems they think I have a future in politics."
A baseball team was ready to begin selling 50,000 tickets for an upcoming game.
A committee was formed to set pricing, and they were about to set the prices as they normally do - with the best seats being sold at the highest prices - but they were interrupted by George, a member of their committee who had a different idea.
"We should sell all the tickets at the same price," said George, "After all, if everyone is getting to watch the game, then shouldn't everyone pay the same price?"
A few other members on the committee immediately questioned this idea, asking, "how will we make up for lost revenue from prime seating?"
"That's easy," replied George, "we will just raise the prices for the nose bleed seats high enough, so that overall revenue remains the same. And if we can't do that, then we will cut back on stadium maintenance, or bathroom janitorial services, or team salary, in order to reduce expenditures."
Well, that works, agreed the other members of the committee, but how will we assign these very few seats, which suddenly everyone will be able to afford? First come, first served?
"About that," said George, "in all fairness, I think we should compensate the people who paid for those high priced tickets all these years, and so, the only people who should be able to buy the best seats, are the ones who have purchased them in the past - I mean, that's only fair."
The committee wasn't too sure about this, but they concurred, because it was already 12:15, and they wanted to finish up the meeting and get to lunch.
"One more thing," George interjected, right as the meeting was about to adjourn, "I think we should discuss pricing policy for our sky boxes."
The group grumbled, but George pressed forward, "The people who buy these sky boxes are our most loyal customers, they are the biggest fans of the team. I think that we should reassess the cost of their sky boxes based on the number of seats they are using, and charge them at the same rate as everyone else - I mean, It's only fair."
"whatever," said a V.P. at the head of the table, "I need to get to lunch."
"Oh, and one last thing," George said, "I am sad to announce that this will be our last meeting together, because I will be resigning."
A chorus of polite dismay went up from the assemble group, and someone asked, "why are you leaving us George?"
"Well," said George, "I've been talking to some of our sky box customers, and it seems they think I have a future in politics."
