SpeedBalling

Irresponsibility

2008-06-25T15:12:00.000-07:00

“to abdicate one’s own moral understanding… is the only irresponsibility”

Irresponsibility

My sister has a new(ish) blog -- holla!

Illegal Immigrants Take to the Streets

2006-05-01T18:47:00.000-07:00

ILLEGAL IMMIGRANTS screams the headline of the evening Oregonian. The extra-large bold typeface menaces the reader. “Be afraid,” it tells them. “They’ve taken to the streets.”

“The anti-war movement’s got nothing on this man. They had like a million fucking people marching in L.A.”

I’m sitting in the south park blocks next to two bombed out aging street hippies.

“Fuck man, this could be the start of the real revolution,” the one on the bicycle replies.

A hundred feet in front of me the remains of the JWJ labor rally is beginning to peter out. Most of those remaining are stragglers from the much larger immigrant justice rally earlier in the day. None of my fellow Teamsters are to be found, and I don’t see any of that familiar SEIU purple either. So much for solidarity.

About four hours earlier I had been walking vigorously through downtown looking for the march. I knew it was supposed to start at noon in the south park blocks, but I didn’t know the route, and I was already twenty minutes late – and a bit drunk.

I had walked in a large arc up around the Koin center, and then started back in the other direction, walking toward Burnside, zig-zagging along streets, scanning up and down each block looking for action. This quest is proving more and more futile as I finally make my way all the way back to Pioneer Place, so I decide that I need some elevation, and jog to the top of one of the Smart Parks along fourth.

On the top level I still can’t see any surging mass of marchers, but I do see the two circling news helicopters that have been echoing in the periphery of my hearing for the past half hour. Giving up on my high ground, I decide to return to the street, and after a short wait, I board an elevator headed down. On the fourth floor the car stops, and takes on a suburban couple.

“I don’t know what they are doing,” the wife says to the husband – referring to the helicopters – “maybe they are practicing circling for the Rose Parade.”

I exit the lift shaking my head and immediately begin walking briskly back up the street in the general direction of the circling choppers. I figure that this is my best bet for finding the action.

My instinct doesn’t fail me, and within five minutes I have come up to an intersection blocked off by police and forded by a thick throng of marchers, a majority of them are suited up in a natural uniform of jeans and white t-shirts.

I turn up to my right, and walk up the street in the opposite direction of the marchers, taking pictures as I dodge bicycle police weaving down along the sidewalk. I continue walking, block after block. I’m looking for the end of the march.

This isn’t my march. This isn’t my cause. I’m an anglo. A gringo. More important than my ethnicity, I am a citizen.

I am here to show support. Solidarity. I will respectfully bring up the rear, while those who have earned the honor to do so, take the lead.

Bringing up the rear is harder than I expected. Block on block I wonder how far back this mass of people extends. All the way up to 8th, and then left, and then a few more blocks, I finally make it to where the contiguous mass of participants thins into a milling crowd of spectators. I turn and step into the mille, empty my paper cup and throw it into a garbage can, and then start slowly back down the path from whence I came.

I’ve walked about a mile, down and twisting around the streets of downtown Portland. The only thing of note to strike me came as I walked under the glass bridge that spans the two building of the World Trade Center. There, a business man in a suit stood leaning up against the glass, staring down onto the mass of people in the street. It struck me that this could very well be the one single thing that this man feared the most – the masses joined as one, rising up like a great wave, high enough to wash him out of his glass tower.

But in the end, he had nothing to fear. We were a peaceful bunch, demanding only justice and not vengeance. Even if that weren’t the case, there was still an army of police - on horses, motorcycles, and bicycles, carrying pepper spray, tazers, shotguns, and glocks, constantly on alert, ready to give us an unforgettable reminder of the origins of our non-violent ideals.

The headline on the sign read “Work is Bullshit.” I hadn’t noticed it ‘till I hear two women behind me discussing it.

“Yo man, you’re in the wrong march,” one of them had said.

“Yeah,” the other replied, “it’s like that sign that said ‘legalize now,’ they got the legalize part right, but drugs ‘got nothing to do with it.”

The two of them joked back and forth about this, while I began to contemplate heavily on the meaning of the relationship between the few Caucasians who showed out, and the overwhelming Hispanic mass that embodied the march.

“What is it that separates us?” I asked myself.

It may seem like an intractable question, but for those of us who are keen to the answer, it is really only a matter of denial that prevents us from replying to it.

The fact is, that in the U.S. the only unions we have are built around dying industries – autos, steel, airlines. And while their industries collapse, and their membership shrinks, the fates of their corrupt leadership become increasingly tied together with those of their corporate employers.

This pernicious influence aside, the simple lust for power is enough to separate most union leaders from the will to carry on the fight for labor as a whole. Faced with a declining membership in their core shops, the old time bosses know that new recruits will inevitably bring new leaders and new centers of power that dilute their own control, and so anachronistic local presidents cling to their old ways, like the captains of fatally smitten ships, sullenly awaiting the cold embrace of the deep.

This is why the Teamsters didn’t represent today, this is why the SEIU was barely felt (despite their departure from the AFL-CIO and their supposed commitment to organizing). This is why organized labor IS the Democratic party – they WOULD NOT exist without us – but we get nothing from it, besides our corrupt leadership using their congressional ties, bought with our money, to maintain their seats of power in our union.

This is the state of organized labor in these United States, and reflective of it, this is the state of the political discourse in these United States, and this is why HR 4437 is on the table, being seriously contemplated, by law makers whose election campaigns were paid for by Jack Abramoff. This is the sickening state of our body politic.

All of this being what it is, we still enjoy a quality of life envied by people around the world. In spite of all our complaints, ours is still a country that offers opportunity unsurpassed anywhere else in the world. There are still a hundred others of every nationality willing to take the place of even the lowliest citizen in this society of ours.

This duality is ever present, and it was unmistakable today, as thousands marched, not in the name of peace, not in the name of reform, not in the name of some right, or claim to a right, but simply to remain on this soil, to be given a chance to stand up and prove their worth through hard work and sacrifice, to be judged equally against us native inhabitants, and to be given equal consideration before our laws.

Whether this is a small thing, or large, varies dramatically from one person’s perspective to the next, but I would argue, and defend, that this is the essence of justice, and the essence of our American ideal, that all men are create equal, endowed with certain inalienable rights, among these, life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness. And that is why I was in the street today.

Another Wiretapping Scandal Unfolds

2006-02-04T18:41:00.000-08:00

Suicide adds to phone-tap mystery (The Guardian)

Kostas Tsalikides, 39, who took his own life last March, a day after the discovery of sophisticated spy software at the mobile telephone operator Vodafone, has deepened the mystery of how 100 portable phones, belonging to senior officials, were tapped in the run-up to the Athens Olympic Games.

'We found no suicide note,' said Tsalikides's brother, Panayiotis. 'He had no health problems, was about to marry and was doing very well at work.'

hi-tech software enabled phone conversations to be diverted to a set of 14 'shadow' mobile phones which then relayed them to a recording system. Officials say the calls were intercepted on mobile phones picked up by antennae in an area close to the US embassy.

Vodafone owns a 50% stake in Verizon Wireless, the largest U.S. wireless provider.

Russian Posturing on Iran a Win-Win

2006-01-11T19:18:00.000-08:00

The Washington Post is reporting that Russia has agreed not to block a referral of Iran to the U.N. Security Council by the IAEA.

Russia Won't Block U.S. on Iran

Additionally, Reuters reports that EU powers to set stage for U.N. sanctions on Iran. The article states that in response to the Iranian uncertainty oil prices shot up more than a dollar per barrel.

With respect to the larger dispute on Iran I certainly can't figure out what the play is, and I'm not sure who can, but in regards to Russia's sudden supplication to the western will, their motivation is starkly obvious self interest.

Let's see:

Russia and Iran are both major suppliers and major prospective suppliers of oil to China.

Many people believe that China will veto any security council resolution against Iran in order to protect their investments there. This would allow Russia to keep selling their nuclear hardware and expertise to Iran, while letting China take the heat for vetoing a major U.S. proposal.

What if China didn't veto? Russia would still win, because they would gain an even more important position as a supplier of oil to China.

In the end Russia gets what they want, no matter how it plays out in the security council. In the meantime, Russia exports 7 million barrels of oil a day, so let's hope the prices stay up and that the wheels of bureaucracy grind slow indeed.

Merry Crunkmas

2005-12-24T11:33:00.000-08:00

Since I hadn't posted in a while I thought I would take some time out this holiday season to crank everybody’s paranoia levels up into the red. Please, don't thank me.

This surveillance issue is serious business and while it is definitely bad for our civil liberties it is also becoming increasingly likely that it will be just as bad for the Bush administration. Perhaps they would do well to read Nixon's resignation speech:

"In all the decisions I have made in my public life, I have always tried to do what was best for the Nation. [...] As I recall the high hopes for America with which we began this second term, I feel a great sadness that I will not be here in this office working on your behalf to achieve those hopes in the next 21/2 years." --Some Asshole

Bush resigning... That would be like Christmas every day for a year. My only concern is that I might have to start believing in God again.

Bush on the shame plane isn't likely, but I know the Times is eager join the big game club so exclusive that it counts the Post as its only member, so my hope remains alive, and I'm sure the stories will keep coming.

Smile - You're on Carlyle Camera

2005-12-24T10:53:00.000-08:00

The New York Times is reporting today that the NSA is "tapping directly into some of the American telecommunication system's main arteries" in order to collect and analyze a "vast trove" of information about the communications of individuals both inside the United States and around the world. What hasn't been disclosed is the possible involvement of everyone's favorite boogey-man multi-national: The Carlyle Group.

--Spy Agency Mined Vast Data Trove, Officials Report (N.Y. Times)

Along with its numerous defense holdings The Carlyle Group holds a diverse portfolio of other investments that includes a large Real Estate holding arm. Of Carlyle's 400 odd properties, there are three very special ones that are managed by a subsidiary, CRG West.

--CRG West

The three properties managed by CRG West are what as known as "carrier hotels." These are data centers where internet and telecom providers meet up and their networks interconnect. One Wilshire, in Los Angeles, is a major transit point for international communications and a hub for data traffic all over the west coast. One Wilshire's website boasts that the building is "home to virtually all of the market leaders in the telecommunications industry." Along with One Wilshire, the Carlyle Group owns and CRG West manages similar facilities in San Jose and Washington D.C.

Given that these locations would be ideal for doing exactly the type of data interception that the Times article describes, and that their owner has extensive defense interests and intelligence community connections, it is pertinent to ask if the Carlyle Group is one of the unnamed corporations that is cooperating with the NSA on this project.

Smile - You're on Cingular Camera

2005-12-24T09:25:00.000-08:00

Recently there has been a dribble of information coming out via the New York Times about secret and illegal NSA surveillance programs. What hasn't been mentioned, but is technologically quite feasible, is the exploitation of cell phone usage data to track individuals. This could be used either to locate specific individuals or similar to the analysis the NSA is doing of calling patterns, they could do a broad analysis of usage data to determine who is traveling where and with whom. For instance: a cell-phone used to call Saudi Arabia that has also been carried on site-seeing tours of national monuments could be flagged for investigation of possible terrorist activity.

You don't think this is possible? Think again. Even now, without E911 (the requirement that all cell-phone companies provide location data for emergency services), it is possible to track an individual’s movements via their cell-phone, even if you can't pinpoint their exact location.

Tracking is possible because even when your handset is not in use it is communicating with the network in order to maintain signal and enable the routing of calls. When you travel a few miles or more, your handset will communicate with different cell sites as you go, continuously looking for the best signal. With a record of those communications all one must do is analyze the timing of the connection to each cell site and they will have a map of where you have traveled. If the records available for analysis included signal strength information and your model took into account terrain related signal impairments, the tracking could be extremely accurate. This accuracy would be at its peak in urban areas where there are many cell sites and your handset is handing-off between them quite frequently.

We don't know exactly what information cell-phone companies collect and store, and if that information is being used for surveillance that fact would certainly be classified, but it is a possibility that this is taking place, and that deserves recognition and further investigation.

Bum Wine

2005-10-08T23:10:00.000-07:00

I work continually now, and go to school, so I have no time to post. Luckily, I do still have time to get drunk, and Bum Wine has got some great tips on getting wasted cheap and fast.

This review of Cisco is representative of their high quality editorial content:

Known as "liquid crack," for its reputation for wreaking more mental havoc than the cheapest tequila. Something in this syrupy hooch seems to have a synapse-blasting effect not unlike low-grade cocaine. The label insists that the ingredients are merely "citrus wine & grape wine with artificial flavor & artificial color," but anyone who has tried it knows better. Tales of Cisco-induced semi-psychotic fits are common. Often, people on a Cisco binge end up curled into a fetal ball, shuddering and muttering paranoid rants. Nudity and violence may well be involved too.

Sounds like a winner to me.

Everything Changed, Yet Everything is Still the Same

2005-09-11T23:59:00.000-07:00

Like everyone on September 11, I watched the endless replays of the second plane hitting the tower in dumfounded shock. Even after I had long lost count of the number of times that clip was repeated, I still couldn't believe it, and the empty, numb sensation of bewildered horror that had enveloped when I first saw the attack refused to abate.

Later that evening I went to pick up my sister from work. While I was waiting for her to get off, I chatted with a girl who was smoking in the parking lot. She told me that her father had called her first thing that morning to make sure she was safe. For him, in rural Oregon, his daughter living in the metropolis of Portland put her at the epicenter of danger, and he was so concerned that he had begged her to come home.

Trying to turn to lighter subject matter, our conversation devolved into mundane chit chat. The girl mentioned that she was going to PSU, so I asked her what she was majoring in.

"Islamic terrorism," she told me. Neither of us laughed.

Later that day I gathered around a TV with my sister and a mutual friend. As we watched coverage of the aftermath, my friend, a die-hard Democrat, said that he was kind of glad that Bush was President, because he wasn't sure if Gore would have been able to respond to the attacks with the same kind of force and purpose that Bush was displaying. He has denied speaking those words ever since.

A few weeks after the attacks, I was driving in Tigard when I saw a homemade sign in the back of a pickup that threw me into a vicious rage.

I don't remember what it said anymore, but I do remember that it had the word "towel head" on it.

"Fuck you, you racist mother fucker!" I screamed, leaning out the window and bellowing as hard as I could. The driver of the pickup looked about 55 and he seemed from his expression to be genuinely perplexed by my outburst. His equally aged wife glanced back hesitantly, then turned quickly back forward as the light switched green and they pulled away from me.

That incident tore at me for a long time. I felt guilty for viciously assaulting a kindly elderly couple, but on the other hand I was consumed with genuine hatred and disgust for people who could be so callous, so ignorant, so indifferent to their fellow human beings.

I think it was at that traffic light that I lost faith and gave up on the whole national unity story line. It was then that I started realizing that our respons to the attacks was nothing but a continuation of the attitudes, policies, and actions that had instigated them in the first place.

Retrospectively, my main observation of the affect of the September 11 attacks on our country was that they served primarily as a distraction. For a time, their enormity and evil unified the national focus, fixing it onto those who we blamed for the attacks, and turning it away from any kind of thoughtful introspection or self criticsm.

As time has passed, those images, as putrid and viscous as they are, have faded and been assimilated into our everyday lives. Now, in perspective, they fail to stir the emotions they once did. Side-by-side with pictures of Iraqi streets, strewn with the limbs of civilians scattered by both American and Arab bombs, the images from September 11 still convey the epitome of absolute evil, but no longer can they inflame our sense of moral superiority. Along side the brutal reality of our own careless destruction of human life, the images of September 11 leave us clinging only to our regret, disappointment, and sorrow.

Four years on now, the flags have come down, the FDNY t-shirts lay in the bottoms of drawers or charity bins, and we have come so far that we aren't even concerned that Osama Bin Laden is still at large.

This summer I went camping at Detroit Lake, and as will happen, I was forced to make a run into Detroit, OR, to stock up on beer and mixers. We went to the first grocery we saw on the main road that runs through town, and as I walked to the door I notice an improvised poster in the window.

Crudely printed in B&W, and with an inked in red cross-hair across his face, was a picture of Osama Bin Laden. Inside, browsing through the store's sunglass selection, and listening to the country music that played from the PA, I reflected on that sign. It was very plain, very simple, but it conveyed a succinct and powerful message. It was a plea for justice. Or at least a plea for vengeance. While everyone else has gone on with their lives, in rural Oregon there is still a hunger for closure, at least in one person, who took the time to make that 8.5x11 poster and tape up in the window, declaring publicly their demand for satisfaction.

But surely there must be a distinction - between justice and vengeance. Condemnation and hate. Acceptance and denial. War and peace.

There is, and those who believe, those who don't, and those who count Jesus as their favorite philosopher, can all appreciate this summation of it equally.

"You have heard that it was said, 'An eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth.'

But I say to you, offer no resistance to one who is evil. When someone strikes you on (your) right cheek, turn the other one to him as well.

If anyone wants to go to law with you over your tunic, hand him your cloak as well.

Should anyone press you into service for one mile, go with him for two miles.

Give to the one who asks of you, and do not turn your back on one who wants to borrow.

"You have heard that it was said, 'You shall love your neighbor and hate your enemy.'

But I say to you, love your enemies, and pray for those who persecute you.

Is Wayne Brady Gonna Have to Choke a Bitch?

2005-07-21T20:53:00.000-07:00

[Yeah, it's vain-glorious and self-indulgent, but I love debating people. Here, I go up against a right-wing pro-life idiot. Naturally, I do nothing but light this paper tiger the fuck up, and leave him - and me - smoking.]

This is a long running argument, but this ass hat starts to get on my tits with this quote.

i agree with quite a bit of what you are saying except the part where you say "women should have the choice in a democratic society".. THis would fail to uphold in America as according to multiple polls and research studies... only %16 feel abortions should be legal all of the time under any circumstance while 55% feel the way i do and believe abortions should ONLY be legal if birthing will put a great risk on the soon to be mother or chil'd health.

The second I read this, my bullshit meter is deep in the red, so I call him out.

This is a LIE. Prove it.

[I hope you have some time (as well as your cock) on your hands, cause you'll be googl'ing a long time to try and back up this crock of shit.]

Or not...

wow.. you truely are an immature child....

http://womensissues.about.com/cs/ab...ortionstats.htm

now.. when you say "goopgling for a long time" do you mean 0.18 seconds? because thats how long the search took and it was listed under the very first site listed.

so bite your tongue, and go back to the MTV forums or wherever it was you decided to crawl out of and troll around.

good day.

Does "goopgling" have something to do with anal sex? I'm not sure if I want to know. What I do know is that I don't take well to people who try to talk down to me.

I'm so glad you replied. Too bad those stats are from a summary, and they are 6 years old anyway.

For a broad range of actual numbers from recent polls, go here.

http://www.pollingreport.com/abortion.htm

What the REAL polls say is that ~25% support abortion in all cases, ~14% support it in general, but with greater restrictions, ~38% support for life/rape/incest, and a meager ~15% are dumb enough to support abortion only in cases where a woman's life is at risk.

And on the question of "In general, do you think the Court's decision [on roe v. wade] was a good thing or a bad thing?" a solid majority (in one poll 59%) say it was a good thing.

**A few suggestions**

1) When reading poll figures, it is a good thing to carefully consider the wording of the questions. In the poll you link to, the 16% figure is for people who believe that abortion "should be legal for any reason at any time during pregnancy." This would include the abortion of viable fetuses, up to the moment of natural birth. Probably the only people who answered yes to that were the ones who didn't understand the question.

2) Respect and contempt - both earned - are two sides of the same coin. When you cite phony statistics in a lame attempt to give an aura of credibility to an argument you could not otherwise sustain, you gain all of the latter and lose all of the former.

3) I'm an American, and despite everything, I am - within reason - proud of that. Don't go on an international website and misrepresent my country to be full of ignorant trash like yourself and expect me to treat you nicely.

Marcy son - what.

proud to be American?? you don;t even have the slightest clue what it is to be American. Hell.. you agree that the court system should make laws not the people... that's not an American.. that's a socialist. So please.. spare your rhetorical bull crap as it doesn't slide with people who have intellect. Also... if you actually did research on anything, or even knew about %3 of information regarding a subject... you would know that those figures are in high regard as they come from the source that all would consider the best. Infact.. go to their website.. you'll see that they still use older information because of all the work they did to compile it. The information is still accurate.

Instead.. you go to google type in a quick search string and find a site to post.. then profess to know anything about politics and what it is to truely be an American. you are a disgrace to the title of American. You can't pose a single rational argument on any debatable subject... you constantly burn people down with childish insults and badgering, you impose "facts" without even knowing the true facts yourself. It's a joke really.

Obviously a Fox News protege - when you can't cut it on substance, start spewing meaningless red-blooded gibberish. Too bad it works better on TV than in print.

Well, the numbers speak for themselves.

I feel like Ashton Kutcher.

Now if only I could be fucking a hot post-menopausal woman like he is, then I could forget about all this drama.

Shut em down - Shut, Shut em down!

Klart skepp!

2005-07-21T01:11:00.000-07:00

Unlike certain other countries, such as the one you're in, we have sane copyright laws here. But we also have polar bears roaming the streets and attacking pople :-(.

The Pirate Bay

Altough many may be inclined to believe that the Swedes and the Dutch are a bunch of useless hash-monkey racists and genetic freaks, they are actually pretty damn cool, and along with democratic socialist governments that aren't dominated by multi-national corporations, they also have quite a sense of humor.

The Pirate Bay is one of the few remaining outlets where the warez hungry masses can still satisfy their hunger, and after the rolling wave of torrent site takedowns their "last man standing" status has made them larger and stronger than ever - now boasting 1.5-2 million users at any given time, rivaling, in terms of membership, the size of all the sites the MPAA/FBI have taken down combined.

While I have no doubt that they will eventually go down like the rest, there is certainly something to be said with going out in style, or at least with as much juvenile piss-taking as possible.

Divided By Predictable Lines, Culture Combatants Take Surprising Sides

2005-07-18T10:24:00.000-07:00

Feature Article

In our modern debate over the rights to both live and die it may seem that the opposing sides of the argument are perpetually riven in their inflexible and unwavering positions, but due to an unexpected and unimaginable quirk of fate, one case has caused these warring factions to seemingly switch sides.

Full Story

Peak Middle-Finger

2005-07-14T01:17:00.000-07:00

101 Reasons Theatre Ticket Sales are Declining (FUCK©)

Star Wars Ep. I, Hulk, Alexander, Bewitched, The Chronicles of Riddick, Daredevil, Tom Cruise [you get the idea...] Reindeer Games, Phantoms, Gigli, Jersey Girl, Paycheck, Bounce. Boiler Room, Mallrats, Internet file sharing

Maybe the FBI should arrest Ben Affleck???

Journalistic Priviledge

2005-06-29T01:12:00.000-07:00

Journalism is not a profession or a trade. It is a cheap catch-all for fuckoffs and misfits— a false doorway to the backside of life, a filthy piss-ridden little hole nailed off by the building inspector, but just deep enough for a wino to curl up from the sidewalk and masturbate like a chimp in a zoo-cage.

The recent refusal of the Supreme Court to hear the Miller/Cooper appeal has once again forced the debate over whether or not journalists deserve special constitutional privilege into center stage, and unsurprisingly, journalists are eager to shine the spotlight on this question.

Surprising to some may be that I wholeheartedly support citing these journalists with contempt, and I truly believe that journalists should enjoy no special privilege or immunity whatsoever from being compelled to reveal sources in grand jury testimony, or in trials where no reasonable Fifth Amendment right can be claimed.

At the core of my opinion is my belief that secrecy always serves deceit. Whether in government, business, or personal affairs, the desire for secrecy almost always arises from a desire to gain advantage over someone else by controlling the information available to them, and thus causing them to make decisions and take actions that they would not take if they were aware of the information being withheld from them.

Journalists - and governments, and everyone else, for that matter - justify this deceit by claiming that it serves the greater good (or lesser evil).

Ironically, just as this case was being decided, the identity of "deep throat," the ultimate example of an anonymous source whose revelations benefited the public at large, was finally revealed. What came as a shock, and really shouldn't have, was that his motivations were purely selfish, and that his contact with the press was motivated not by an altruistic sense duty to his nation, but a thirst for revenge against the individuals and organization that he felt had slighted him.

At the end of the day, I believe that there are more than enough good people, who are willing to stand up and tell the truth regardless of the consequences, to keep journalists supplied with all the information they need to keep the public well informed. On the other hand, providing a guarantee of secrecy to those who divulge closely held information only encourages cowards to exploit their privileged positions for personal gain.

While there may be a few isolated cases where personal deceits do result in greater public goods that does not change the basic fact that wrong is wrong, and in sum, foul deeds inevitably result in pain and harm.

News Review

2005-06-28T01:34:00.000-07:00

Meth tactic gets a replay

Their goals: Slash local meth production, and ease growing pressure on resources in the fields of law enforcement, treatment and prevention.
And it worked: The amount of meth on the streets went down.
This year, right? Try 1987.

Continuing its long series of ignorant and misinformed pieces on Portland's "meth epidemic" the Portland Tribune brings us yet another avalanche of crap.

While normally I would start by nitpicking at a story's sophomoric writing and unsupportable sensationalist claims, I will cut to the chase here, and get right to the heart of why trying to suppress small time domestic meth manufacturing is a policy train wreck, which has and will continue to increase the harm that meth abuse causes to our society and its citizens.

The primary thrust of this article is that previous efforts to obstruct meth amphetamine manufacture by controlling/banning necessary precursors were effective in limiting meth production, and that the same actions, if repeated, will be successful again.

This is false.

To understand this, all one has to do is observe the evolution of the meth supply chain over the past couple decades. Historically meth has been a product that was produced domestically, mostly on the west cost, by small time cooks. Today major drug cartels rooted in Mexico produce the majority of the product, and the result is that overall production has increased dramatically.

How did this happen? Well, let's just say that capitalism is a bitch.

In a market place, if demand is fixed, and supply shrinks, the price of a product rises. So, if the government eliminates cheap and easy ways of producing drugs, and as a result, supply shrinks, then prices sky rocket. Given the unique nature of the product, higher prices do very little to deter consumption, so even relatively small reductions in supply can lead to dramatic spikes in prices.

The other primary effect of government efforts to prevent the production of drugs is that the capital investment required to produce them increases.

Now, combine sky rocketing prices, and the inability of small time producers to invest the capital necessary to adapt to the new production environment, and the result is a golden opportunity for well organized and well funded criminal organizations to move in and capture market share.

What happens when those organizations do move into the market?

With their superior organizational structures, larger capital investments, and subsequent economies of scale, they begin to produce more product faster and more efficiently than those who they replaced. Which is exactly where we are now.

To understand the proposals currently being floated to curb meth production, we have to take a quick second to discuss how meth is manufactured.

Currently there are two main ways that meth can be produced. The first - used by small time cooks - is a reaction of pseudo-ephedrine, red phosphorous, and iodine, which is relatively safe and easy, but only produces small (2-10g) batches. The second method - used by large professional producers - is a reaction with pseudo-ephedrine and anhydrous-ammonia, which is extremely dangerous and requires a laboratory environment to be done safely, but produces up to a pound (don't quote me on that) at a time.

The reason that the second method is so tough is that anhydrous-ammonia (a gas) is some nasty ass shit. A bit of annie in your face will instantly blind you, and if you happen to inhale, your lungs will be so badly burned that you'll either die, or sincerely wish that you had.

What makes it difficult for the government to legislate against meth manufacture is that all of the precursors have vital legitimate purposes, and are commonly available in consumer products. PE is used in cold medicine, red phosphorous is what the strike pads on match books are made of, and iodine can be reduced from OTC iodine tincture used to treat cuts. Anhydrous-ammonia is an essential component of fertilizer, and the occasional truck bomb.

Because PE is the substance that is actually turned into meth (the other chemicals are used to fuel the reaction), and because the pharmaceutical industry has finally created suitable replacements for it to put into OTC cold medicine, it is now the primary focus of legislative attempts to disrupt the meth supply chain.

Control/illegalization of pseudo-ephedrine is what the Tribune and many others are currently advocating as a remedy to our "meth crisis."

Why wouldn't this work, and what are the ways that it could make the deleterious affects of meth on our state even worse?

It is true that restricting and/or preventing access to PE would make it impossible for many small local cooks to produce meth, but the inevitable result of this (see: capitalism is a bitch) is that the street price of meth would dramatically increase, and due to the addictive nature of meth, the increased price would do very little to abate demand.

Meanwhile, while domestic cooks would be effectively shutdown, cartel manufacturers, rooted in Mexico, would barely miss a beat, and enjoy record profits and increased market dominance in the meantime.

Here's why.

Pseudo-ephedrine converts 1:1 to meth amphetamine. In other words, a gram of PE equals a gram of meth. At current market prices, meth is more expensive gram-for-gram than cocaine. What follows is that if a major cartel, which both produces meth and imports cocaine, faces a shortage of PE, they will simply import PE from Mexico, where it can be bought without any restrictions at all.

What would be the end result of a clampdown on pseudo-ephedrine in Oregon, or the U.S. in general?

A reasonable supposition would be that this will only lead to increased dominance of the meth trade by organized drug cartels, who will enjoy increased profits, which they will invest in more advanced production facilities and more comprehensive distribution networks, leading to even high levels of consumption and availability than ever before.

Great Moments in Strict Constructionism

2005-06-27T02:38:00.000-07:00

U.S. Constitution, Article. IV.

Section 2, Clause 3

No Person held to Service or Labour in one State, under the Laws thereof, escaping into another, shall, in Consequence of any Law or Regulation therein, be discharged from such Service or Labour, but shall be delivered up on Claim of the Party to whom such Service or Labour may be due.

On a Lighter Note

2005-06-26T03:32:00.000-07:00

Yeah, looking over my recent posts, they definitely seem to toe to a pretty grim line in their general tone.

That shit is very un-dude.

So, lest anyone be falsely impressed with the notion that I am no longer digging the spirit of silly/stupid fun, I give you yet another candidate for my attendance violation hall-of-fame.

This story starts Friday night, which is my scheduled poker night.

Traditionally, my poker games involve heavy drinking, hard drugs, and savage losses. This Friday though, I managed to swing the prior pair without falling victim to the latter - a rare feat indeed.

After 4 hours of gaming I was up $28 dollars, down six pints, and ankle deep in a gram, chased with the occasional pill bump. And that just brings us up to 11:00pm.

After the game, I was in a sprightly mood to say the least. For the last four weeks I have been locked into a vicious loosing streak that has left me mourning $180 dollars, gone and lost from my barren pockets. Aside from the rebound factor, this small victory was even sweeter given my present financial situation, which is dire indeed, so much so that my first thought of the fresh bills in my pocket was "now I'll be wiping my ass with toilet paper again" = 'nough said.

Fast forwarding now, past 5 blurry incomprehensible hours, we come - 3 pills later - to 4:00am Saturday morning, when it suddenly strikes me that it might be a "good idea" to do a few quick lines as a night cap.

One of the dangerous curveballs that coke can throw you, is that when you get really fucked up, and take it over the top, your shnozz can get so clogged up, that instead of absorbing the product, it just packs up, and then is slowly absorbed into your membranes as your sinuses gradually clear out.

Well, this is the cruel fate that befell me Saturday morning, and all that I could think as I tossed and turned at eight in the morning was "son of a bitch!"

Given that I had to be at work by 1:30pm, my alarm was set for 11:30, which ironically, was about the time that I finally fell asleep.

I finally started awake about 10 minutes after the start of my shift, and promptly called in to let my management know that i would be a little late. (an hour an fourty-five minutes to be exact.)

When I got to work, I slid into my desk and took two calls before taking my first scheduled break, on which I gulped down several cups of coffee, and then returned to my desk where I took about 40 calls from pissed off customers calling in about a nationwide outage that was preventing them from receiving any incoming calls.

I have to say, it is a credit to my deft customer skills, or possibly my heartless and callous lack of empathy, that I didn't issue a single credit for the loss of service in the entire day.

Or maybe it was just because I was too fucking lazy to write the memos.

Cocaine: it's a helluva drug

2005-06-14T02:57:00.000-07:00

Seriously, anybody who hasn't seen it yet really needs to get Chapelle's Show Season 2 and watch episode 4, "Charlie Murphy's True Hollywood Stories," which has got to be the funniest shit ever - no qualifications necessary.

And now, let's launch into a series of non-sequitur stories...

I was sitting at a table in the break-room at work about a week ago, talking to my friend T, and this annoying but tolerable 18 year old girl that he is vaguely associated with. She pulls a script bottle from her purse and pops a pill, which naturally peaks my interest, and so I ask her what it is. She tells me it's penicillin, so naturally I ask her if she's got "VD." Responding in a pointedly chilly tone, this girl tells me that she has strep throat, and I let the subject drop.

A few days later we're all sitting around again, and somehow (I wonder) the subject of crack comes up, and this girl asks what "crack" is. Being a naturally generous person I took it upon myself to provide this naive youngster with at least a basic education in the fundamentals of rock cocaine.

And it goes a little something like this...

In chemistry an "acid" is something that gives up hydrogen atoms, and a "base" is something that takes hydrogen atoms. Cocaine HCl (the shit you put up your nose) is a "salt" - the product of a base and an acid. Free-base (i.e. crack), is the "free" base (cocaine without the Cl atom) form of cocaine HCl. The reason that you need to reduce Cocaine HCl to free-base before smoking it is that ionic bonds (like the one between the cocaine molecule and the Cl atom) are strong enough that the heat required to break them is greater than the melting point of the cocaine molecule, so if you try to smoke Cocaine HCl, the cocaine molecule will break down before the whole thing vaporizes, and all your left with is a lung full of acrid - and likely carcenogenic - smoke. Thank god for Arm & Hammer.

After reciting this spiel in front of a wall of glazed eyes, I paused, and this girl asked me, "so have you ever smoked crack?"

My friend T started laughing immediately, and I wasn't far behind.

"Yeah, a couple of times," I replied, "but I wouldn't recommend it."

"Why would you do that?" she asked me.

Shit - I don't know - "why not?"

A few days later, I was talking to my friend T, and he was complaining about how sick he was. At the time, he though he had caught strep throat, probably in the process of exchanging bodily fluids with our mutual co-worker. To say the least, I was unsympathetic. In fact, I was laughing my ass off.

"Fucking ironic, isn't it," I said, "you hook up with this nice respectable girl, and get dog sick, and I'm involved with all manner of degenerate whores, and I'm healthy as a horse."

"That's what you get," I continued, "for fucking with a girl that's got penicillin in her medicine cabinet - that just isn't a good idea."

That and Valtrex.

Fuck Tha Police

2005-06-02T02:49:00.000-07:00

Anniversary Edition

Fuck Tha Police - NWA (10.6 MB)

How to Insulate Yourself from Informants - with total impunity from law enforcement

How to Ship a Half Ounce of Confectioner's Sugar Through Customs - without having it mistaken for cocaine/heroin/pure-e

IMCryptd - High security encrypted IM for computers and mobile phones

-It's not a war unless somebody is fighting back.

Catching Up

2005-06-02T00:50:00.000-07:00

Having been super fucking busy of late, I haven't had a lot of time to post here, but since the One Year Anniversary of this little rag is drawing near, I feel somewhat obligated to crank some shit out, if only to keep up appearances.

First and foremost on my item/action list is a link to the Puto of the Millennium, courtesy of Nebur's World. The only thing I have to add is, Ann Coulter is A MAN BABY! Seriously, check the adam's apple and the jaw-line on that bitch. 100% tranny!

Now, for a quick detour into retrospective mode, let's talk about how SpeedBalling came to be, and where it's going.

About 18 months ago I was holed up in a crack motel in Phoenix, working for yet another customer service call center, strung out on meth and coke, and generally hating life.

Interestingly enough, when the call center I worked for instituted an "employee of the month" program I won the first month, and would have won the second month if I hadn't split to come back to Oregon. So much for "drug testing" weeding out undesirable employees.

Anyway, I was down in PHX and my friend Mr. A got obsessed with the idea of "blogging." Initially, I was quite skeptical about starting a blog, because I classified it as "geek bullshit," but after months of badgering, I finally agreed to do it.

By the time that we started our blogs, I was back in Oregon - still strung out - but at least on my home turf, and no longer plagued by the impositions of the Pheonix lifestyle.

[In general I oppose violence and the use of weaponry, but during my time in Pheonix I slowly escelated from travelling naked to carrying pepper spray, then a stun gun, and then a knife. I was cruising pawn shops for a piece by the time I finally left.]

So, back in Portland I started this blog and entitled in "SpeedBalling."

Technically speaking "speedballing" is the act of shooting coke and heroin in the same dose, which is something I have never done - in fact I have never done heroin at all. I chose "speedballing" because I felt it had a certain kind of edge to it - a definite air of mystique - and also because there is this guy in New Zealand who sells instructional videos about a fishing technique that he has dubbed "speedballing," and that shit cracks me the fuck up.

Over the course of a year I have posted little snippets and excerpts from my life, most of them highlighting the exciting/unique/other-than-legal events that I have participated in. For better or worse, this is a tiny cross section of my life - most of the time I just slog my way through a shitty/meaningless 9-5 like everyone else.

The funny thing is that other people actually find my life interesting. Every month several hundred unique visitors pop up in my logs, and a few hundred people have taken the "official" speedballing quiz, and as of now they have rated it at an average of 4.2/5.

Looking forward, I can't guarantee what the future might hold, but unexpected incidents aside, I plan to celebrate my one year anniversary with the posting of two tutorials - both in the same vein as my "Computer Security Essentials" - entitled "How to insulate yourself from informants - with total impunity from Law Enforcement," and "how to ship a half-ounce of confectioner's sugar through customs - without it being mistaken for cocaine/heroin/pure-e."

Keep your ear to the ground, and Fuck the Police.

281 3 3 0 000 4

2005-05-31T03:11:00.000-07:00

C.I.A. Expanding Terror Battle Under Guise of Charter Flights

A good read for sure. This article very plainly details what is publicly known about the illegal* activities that the CIA is participating in within the United States.

(*irregardless of executive orders, the U.S. constitution still provides absolute protection from illegal detention, and guarantees due process. Even fanatically right-wing "strict constructionists" (read: Antonin Scalia) would be hard pressed to find an exception for times of war - because it doesn't exist.)

For anyone with an even limited memory, this entire scene should seem very reminiscent of the bad old days when Hoover/Nixon/Kissinger & Co. were running wild, and abused their authority so egregiously that congress was finally forced to pass laws making all of this bullshit illegal.

And Let's not forget, it was the arrogant excesses of the CIA that sunk us into this whole mess in the first place, (Bin Laden, the Shah, Lebanon, etc...) so it is nothing but insanity to trust them to digs us out of it now, especially with a hack pig like Porter Goss running the show.

No News is Good News

2005-05-26T02:54:00.000-07:00

Feds Shut Web Site in Piracy Crackdown

I guess that blows my weekend.

Seriously, this shit gets a bit annoying. The idea that people can be arrested and sent to prison for doing something that harms no one is really depressing.

With drugs it is somewhat understandable. People are getting hurt everyday, and sometimes even killed because of their involvement with illegal drugs, so if you can make the logical leap of assigning the blame for that to a particular individual, there is at least a sense of justice being served by punishing them for their actions.

The misuse of "intellectual property" on the other hand, harms no one at all.

Despite the fact that lobbyists and politicians love to refer to it as "theft," the violation of copyrights is clearly not.

Theft is an action by which one person gains property, while another person loses it.

In the case of "intellectual property" misuse, one person gains, and nobody loses. Unless you count potential profit as a real asset, which last I checked, nobody in their right mind does. (if you have any doubts about the distinction, ask an accountant, or try taking out a second mortgage on your get rich quick scheme.)

In a larger sense, I disagree with the enforcement of copyrights and patents in general, but for god's sake, at least let's recognize that violating them isn't stealing, and since it doesn't harm anyone, it can't be considered a criminal act.

**Edit**

For clarification, I would like to add that I don't necessarily oppose the right of copyright holders to claim damages in civil court. The distinction is that civil law is much less absolutest and less focused on "right" and "wrong," while being more focused on resolving conflict, and awarding the plaintiff damages that they can prove they incurred.

Additionally, civil law is focused not on punishment, but on restitution, and thus, if the accused is unable to pay the judged award, they do not suffer any additional sanctions. This, in my opinion, is fair and just, because it sets individual citizens on a level playing field with corporate entities who are immune, by definition, from criminal sanctions.

On the other hand, allowing criminal sanctions against citizens for "crimes" against corporate entities is inherently unjust, because it punishes the one party with measures that the other party is immune from, no matter how perverse their actions.

WatchthisDVD.com

2005-05-19T20:06:00.000-07:00

Check out the greatest DVD store in Portland ever: watchthisdvd.com

That's a totally unbiased review btw...

ALL TWEAKED OUT

2005-05-19T03:17:00.000-07:00

haha... that isn't even about me.

No, that was the 200pt BOLDED headline on the world's worst newspaper (Portland Tribune for those who don't live here) last week.

Beneath the headline was a 1/4 page photo of two officers with shotguns kicking down the door of a meth house.

When I saw the photo I was actually overcome with pride in the performance of our local police bureau. All else aside, at least they have learned that the only reasonable way to deal with a tweaker is a shotgun.

As the old saying goes: tweakers are like cockroaches - they hate the light and they need to be exterminated.

At my work the whole meth sweep has been rather personal since one of our employees got fired after no-call/no-showing due to being in jail. The only thing that suprised me was that it was only one.

Workplace Suggestions II

2005-05-05T03:30:00.000-07:00

In our "team" meeting today my TL asked us all to come up with ideas on how we could improve CRT (call time) and adhearance (staying on schedule) since our team is hovering somewhere between last and last place in these, and a few other categories.

As it happens, I am number two on our team, and comfortably above the established call center goals, so I have a certain amount of license to fuck around - not that I woundn't anyway.

So this is what I wrote for my "suggestion" about improving adhearance...

I think they need to drop the whole "drug free workplace" thing. Seriously, how am I supposed to maintain my adhearance when i have to go into aux-2 ever 5 minutes, just so I can go to the bathroom to smoke my crack?

Actually, I have many insights into how our workplace environment could be improved, and I am generally pretty willing to share them, especially when I'm cracked the fuck out, and I've slept about 5 hours in the past 3 days.

Amongst the gems are these:

"These people don't need customer service. What they need is to finish the eight grade."

"It's not my fault this guy's parents shared the same uncles."

"Until now I didn't realize that calling customer service was an event in the Special Olympics."

Word. These days, working in a call center is too.

Hell'a'dazed Holidays

2005-04-20T04:20:00.000-07:00

Happy 420 all.

ETC

2005-04-05T02:55:00.000-07:00

Hello, my name is *****, my rep ID is ******* - how can I help you today?

Yeah man... I broke mah phone yesterday. I was runnin' from da poh-lease, 'n' aih dropped-it 'n some wahtah. Yeah...I got arrested. An' now dey won' giv'b me mah phone back.

Well... I do see that you have equipment protection on your account, and that does cover lost/stolen phones, but one of the requirements for making a claim is that you file a Police Report and -- given your situation -- I'm not really sure how that would work out... How about I transfer you to the company that handles the insurance and you can talk to them about it.

That's got to be the funniest call I have ever taken.

Seriously, what do you think all these credit challenged mother fuckers need Sidekicks for? Let-me-think - dealing drugs? Bingo.

Now, let's flip the topic for a minute...

On a totally tangential note, I have discovered and crowned the "Gay'st Cover EVER," which now joins DJ Sammy's Boys of Summer in my own personal tekno hall-of-shame.

You Spin Me Round - Queer

Download and weep. The super-fucking-cheesy strings intro is the high point. After that it is pretty much run-of-the-mill garbage. All-in-all the track isn't very extraordinary, but what really puts it over the top is album art.

The fact that some record label actually released this cracks me the fuck up. In fact, it's almost as funny as this NIN promo CD I downloaded recently.

Apparently that warning isn't being taken too seriously. (The single is tight BTW)

Back to the plot...

Speaking of Sidekicks and Dealing Drugs. Interested parties should check out imcryptd.org an easy to use, high security, end-to-end encrypted messaging system. Currently it is in alpha stage, but it is working, and AFAK all of the security features are fully implemented.

Drug Testing - Lil' Jon Style

2005-03-15T00:15:00.000-08:00

At around noon today I was taking a piss in a dirty stall in the back of "Chu's Chinese Fast Food," when I suddenly thought that a slightly pinkish tinge had glinted across my eye.

"Jesus," I though, "At this rate it would be easier to count the orifices I'm not bleeding from."

But no, it was actually just a trick of the harsh florescent lights bearing down over my head. Either way, nothing would surprise me anymore.

Not even being awoken Saturday afternoon at 4:30pm by a call from my Call Center Manager - when my shift started at 1:30. At the time it didn't even phase me. I had bigger things on my mind. Like the world's worst hangover.

Not only was I hung over in a way that few people can imagine, I was also near fucking lame from a brutal ankle sprain I had incurred the night before, when I had infortuitously missed the final step on a set of stairs inside the club I had been at.

When the injury occurred it hadn't seemed so bad, but the next morning I could barely walk, even to the bathroom and back, let alone work. As it happened, the bathroom is about as far as I made it that day. And the next.

Back to this morning - after Chinese and a quick commute into the hinterlands of Beaverton - I slide into work, fresh off my four day vacation, trying to maintain an air of easy nonchalance.

For the first couple hours I worked alongside an uneasy paranoid feeling that the hammer could drop at anytime - at any moment I could be called away from my desk to face whatever kind of hellfire management had in store for me.

Naturally, the focal point of my fears was drug testing, which - if I were forced to submit to it - would inevitably result in massive failure on multiple counts.

In fact, I am so wholly aware of the fact that even taking a drug test would be virtual suicide that I have been strongly considering the Lil' Jon approach.

Supervisor: We're going to need you to take this "random" drug test.

Me: WHHAAATTT!?!

Supervisor: We're going to need a drug test...

Me: WHHAAATTT!?!

Supervisor: Just take this cup, and take off that jacket. Yeah, leave your bag here.

Me: WHHAAATTT!?!

Supervisor: All you have to do is pee in it. No big deal.

Me: WHHAAATTT!?!

Well, that's one idea, and a laugh, but hopefully things won't get that bad any time soon. I have a few test avoidance cards up my sleeve, and chances are that at a center like mine nobody really cares anyway.

Peace out. I gotta work two more days, and then take another weekend.

It's a rough hoe, but somebody's got to do it.

Wiggidy-Wizzord!

2005-02-25T01:17:00.000-08:00

Apparently Melvin the Barbarian thinks I'm the shit (who doesn't these days....)

Not to mention the fact that he kind of looks like Pablo Escobar.

Doesn't get much better than that!

Work

2005-02-24T23:11:00.001-08:00

I don't do button up shirts
or drive Maybachs
I got a 'Brat wit' an 8 track
give me an AK an' a crack vile
I'll be bringin' 88 back

When it comes to company policy, I like to think of myself as being pro-active - I'm more of a Leader than I am a follower.

It's not that I'm not a good worker - just because I have a few petty disagreements with management.

Such as what constitutes an acceptable workplace BAL. (Management: 0; Myself: <1)

Or the acceptability of snorting coke off picks in company restroom.

Well - somebody's got to do it.

And as I told my TL, $9.00/hr isn't enough for me to even pretend like I give a fuck.

I get people on the phones every day telling me that I'm the "best T-Mobile rep they've ever spoken to."

I never mention that I have only been working on the floor for three weeks.

The truth is - with bullshit jobs like this - the few quality workers who actually get hired will never stay around for long. So, as a customer, you're far better off trying your luck with a trainee than with a seasoned veteran - at least then you have a chance of getting decent service.

On a separate note:

50 Cent's new album SUCKS ASS! Fuck that pop-rap bitch.

I didn't like him as a rookie, except for the fact that his shit was so damn catchy. And now, his follow-up makes the by-product of a horse's ass look like a tasty breakfast.

I hope you get shot eight more times BITCH!

Total shit. Fuck off and die.

Shit

2005-02-21T04:20:00.000-08:00

It will hit all the papers tommorow, and I just ran across it in my insomnia driven browse through the current headlines.

Hunter Thompson shot and killed himself.

Obviously I admire the man. Most of what I write is a cheap knock off of his style and prose.

I can't say that I am sad, but I am circuspect.

About a year ago in Phoenix, I was sitting at a bus stop in downtown Tempe - the Phoenix suburb where ASU is located - reading one of Thompson's books.

A twitchy, and slightly crazy middle aged man asked me what I was reading, and I told him it was "The Great Shark Hunt," a compilation of Hunter Thompson's magazine articles from the sixties and early seventies.

The man, whose name I don't remember, proceeded to launch into a lengthy and twacked out rant about how he had seen Thompson speak in the seventies, and how Thompson had shown up dishelved, and told the crowd - in essence - to fuck off and go do something better with their time than sit and listen to a fool like him.

This man, a street musician who gave lessons in guitar and flute, (he gave me his business card) proceeded to compare Thomson's style and philosophy to Ginsburg's (or maybe it was Kerouac, or some other period luminary) in a decidedly negative light. Apparently the unreformed hippie in him was unable accept the nihilism, and surrender to human falibility that Hunter embodied. Maybe that is why he was still a street musician.

Speaking in fast and crookedly rythmic phrases, the man meandered through this subject until his bus came, and just before he boarded, he paused, and then said to me - in a matter-of-fact tone - "You would have to be a horse to live like that - all the drugs and booze he did. You try that, and it will kill you."

Right now, I can't really argue that point.

I can't say that people will look back at Thompson's life and admire him for his accomplishments. Admire him for squandering his talent, for selling out, for turning into a hack and pedling horse shit under his good name, long after he gave up on himself and his work.

It is the fallacy of unachieved redemption that makes death, and especially suicide, so poignant. The myth of a satisfied life, which could have been achieved, if only the deceased had just had a bit more time.

Hunter S. Thompson did not leave the legacy of promise fullfilled, goals accomplished, or obstables surmounted. All he left was a rotted and broken corpse that is a monument to the folly and fallibility of even the most talented and brilliant among us.

This may give us pause, but it would be wrong to believe that it could have happened any other way.

For Many Killed in Iraq, the Future Was Bright, and Near

2005-02-02T04:00:00.000-08:00

Headline across the bottom half of A12 in yesterday's New York Times, set beneath photos of 36 members of the U.S. armed services who died last Wednesday. (1/26/05)

Including the front page, which was almost entirely Iraq, the Times had six pages devoted to the election story. I didn't read much of it, but it was pretty easy to catch the general drift from the headlines.

What can I say? Until now I hadn't known that Dan Bartlett was a member of their staff.

The total willingness of the media - even the old school print - to act as mouthpieces for administration propaganda may not be shocking anymore, but in this case the arrogant extremes to which they have gone - in promoting the Iraqi Election as some kind of epic achievement - are dumbfounding in both their scale and their ineptitude.

First, let me ask this: How much print is typically devoted to foreign elections?

Seriously, they didn't give this kind of coverage to the U.S. elections. The very fact that this P.R. event is being taken seriously enough to write six pages about it is nothing but irresponsible pandering to the administration.

Why do I call this a "P.R." event?

Well, I can give a few reasons - ones that I didn't see mentioned in any of these gushing oratories about the triumph of democracy.

1) Turnout

It was high! 60%! Maybe. At least that's what they said. Even though they hadn't counted any ballots yet. And since nobody could travel by car - except for the U.S. military and the Iraqi Security Forces - there was no independent reporting of Sunday's vote.

Well, 60% is high by American standards... right?

Am I dripping in skepticism - or is that just more cold sweat?

Even if turnout actually proves to have been 60%, that is 60% of registered voters. A very nasty little caveat indeed. Curious parties may want to pay close attention to the final vote tallies, and see how they compare to Iraq's population figures.

2) Legitimacy

Free Elections = Legitimate Government (or so it's claimed)

Anyone with two bits of common sense can see that there was nothing free or fair about Iraq's elections.

From the highly contrived party systems, and geographical power allotments, to the pervasive lack of security, and the fact that the elections were conducted under a state of martial law, the elections were a farce. Which should come as no surprise to anybody who remembers that they were originally put in place for the benefit of voters in America, not Iraq.

3) Impact

None.

The only benefit to holding elected office in a country that is serving as a battle ground for 150,000 foreign soldiers pitched against a heavily armed resistance, numbering in the tens of thousands, is that the U.S. Embassy might provide you with an attachment of civilian contractors to serve as body guards.

The downside is that even a highly trained body guard can't exactly throw himself on top of a car bomb.

You'd have to be pretty hard hearted not to be moved by the courage of the millions of Iraqis who insisted on turning out to vote yesterday despite the very real threat that they would be walking into mayhem and violent death at the polls. -Bob Herbert

Maybe it's the insight of a hardened heart, but last i checked, the willingness of Iraqis to die for their beliefs wasn't exactly a wellspring of optimism for the future of that country.

Good Read

2005-01-30T18:38:00.000-08:00

The New York Times has a nice article on Alexander Shulgin, the preeminent recreational chemist of the past few decades. It is well worth the read.

Dr. Ecstacy

Doldrums

2005-01-22T13:33:00.000-08:00

Iran: Hijackers Escape Execution The head of the country's judiciary, Ayatollah Mahmoud Shahroudi blocked the hanging of three convicted hijackers, scheduled for yesterday. His intervention was partly an effort to end the practice of executing minors, the daily Etemad reported.

-N.Y. Times (1.20.05)

Now even Iran is leading us on human rights. The horror.

P.S.

Check out my new track DullDrums.mp3 (3.58 MB)

Get Educated Bitch

2005-01-07T02:27:00.000-08:00

From UrbanDictionary.com:

American culture
An oxymoron

Puto of The Month

2005-01-07T01:52:00.000-08:00

William Rehnquist

From Nebur's World

5 Minutes Hate

2005-01-07T01:08:00.000-08:00

Can somebody stick a needle in me? Please... I don't even care what's in it - as long as it fucks me up.

Congress certified the vote today, and "it's official," we've got ourselves a president. One that this pathetic fucked up country truely fucking deserves.

Not to be dramatic, but I say "a plague on both your houses!" Republicans and Democrats alike, you can all go to hell. I hate America. Political affiliation is an afterthought.

I will never vote for a Democrat or Republican again. And I mean it.

If there is a god, hopefully he will strike me dead before the next election, but if not, I'll vote a straight Socialist ticket, and it will be much more meaningful than any of the votes I cast this year.

Get Crunk

2005-01-06T01:07:00.000-08:00

I now have the pleasure of presenting to you what is quite possibly the greatest thing since sliced bread: CRUNK-HOUSE!

I have been a huge fan of crunk, and for a while now I have been thinking that it would be bad ass to combine hard-house beats with elements of the crunk sound, and then throw some crazy fucking rap over the top.

Sadly, I am really lazy, and also have no manner of production skill whatsoever, so there have been some obstacles to bringing this concept to fruition.

Well, I have finally done it. It may not be much. Just a one bar beat, and a really simple baseline, with Little Jon's Get Crunk - pitched way the fuck - up playing over the top. But I have to say that I was 100% right in believing that the result would kick major ass. Hopefully when I have some time I will be able to expound on the concept a bit.

With no further ado, download this shit and turn it the fuck up.

crunkhousedemo.mp3

Fuck 2004

2004-12-30T01:44:00.000-08:00

It’s been another year. I wouldn’t call it “good” straight off, but it was something. From smoking crack in the slums of Phoenix, to canvassing for John Kerry, to another failure of an election, and then back into the rat-hole of call-center customer service – it’s been emotional.

Phoenix

Getting coffee. $5.50 for a latte and water. The fire alarm starts going off, but it is met with total apathy. A recorded female voice says “please vacate the area immediately.” No one moves.

More budget work needed. Massive overruns on discretionary spending. Bush and I have something in common – massive debt.

My body craves coke and speed. These desires ARE the source of my suffering, but I have obviously not yet reached the spiritual plane where I can deny them and thus find my inner peace.

“I’m talking about flagellation. Who gives a damn about parades!”

The mail-in-rebate industry is just one example of a larger trend of companies adding outsourced “products” and “services” that provide short term revenue at the cost of customer satisfaction and long term customer loyalty.

“Do I strike you as someone with a high degree of self control?”

bad comedown now
must have more
approaching stop

“Consumer Christianity” – love, money, excess. Biblical porn: “The Second Cumming of Christ.”

Gomahdiarmy.com

Back to Portland

The shooting of Jahar Perez occurred shortly before I returned, and the public inquisition took place in my first week back in town. At the time I was a little strung out on meth and cocaine, and I had nothing better to do, so I decided to go.

There was a kind of irony in the fact that I was doing coke in the bathrooms of the courthouse where they were holding an inquisition into the death of someone who had been murdered by the police as a result of cocaine. Sometimes this made me feel smug, and at other times it made me sick, but most of the time I didn’t feel anything.

A little taste might help. I probably need some more muscle relaxants. I must have something for this anxiety.

Audio tape - recorded directly after shooting…

[Recorded by Dennis Marty, who is narrating as he watches.]

-noise in background

[distraught yelling]
“Haven’t you given him enough yet?”

-Sirens. Another car.

[voice breaking – talking fast]
“Now they’ve been tasing him for about fucking three minutes at least.”

“Guy looks like he’s fucking dead.”

...

“Kerry up 8. With McCaine on the ticket - 18.”

“Kerry should stop wasting time campaigning and start sucking McCaine’s cock.”

What about Bush? He’s probably on his knees right now.

“He could offer to toss McCaine’s salad if he stays off the ticket.”

How about Rumsfeld sucks his [Bush's] cock, while McCaine watches and jerks off. Make it fast – and sexy.

“When he finishes, I want you to say ‘oooh - what a lovely tea party.”

Despite all the wild fantasies being spun across the political columns at the moment the chances of a Kerry/McCaine ticket are nil minus one.

Now I know why the Democratic party can't win any fucking elections.

One evening at work - after I had finished up a day of canvassing - I was sitting outside the office with a co-worker sharing a bowl. One of our fellow employees (who was later promoted to Team Leader) walked up to us, and I asked him how his day had been. He hesitated for a second and then said, “It was great. I laid in a park shooting dope all day.”

Merry Christmas

2004-12-28T09:58:00.000-08:00

United States customs officials say the holiday is a peak for drug smuggling into the United States as crops ripen and drug cartels from Colombia to Mexico rush to get marijuana and cocaine to market.

Holidays Inspire a Rush to the Border (N.Y. Times)

FUCK THE MPAA!

2004-12-23T02:12:00.000-08:00

I would like to send a big "FUCK YOU" to the MPAA, which I believe was the primary actor behind the shutdown of TorrentBits, Suprnova, DVDR-Core, Phoenix-torrents, and others over the last week.

I have some free business advice for all of the MPAA's members: make a quality product and people will pay for it. Keep churning out the same shit you are now, and people will pay exactly what it's worth - jack shit. So get fucked, you fucking cunts.

Meanwhile, I strongly encourage everyone to keep in mind that Copyrights are not exactly "god given." They are just some more shit that wealthy elites have successfully lobbied into law.

No one should feel bad about "stealing" any and every bit of corporate copyrighted material that they can get their hands on. Believe me, you're not hurting the "artists" who created these works. At worst you are only hurting the massive media conglomerates, which are themselves the main obstacles to the dissemination of real art.

gonzo = no story just sex

2004-12-23T01:38:00.000-08:00

I don't post anything now because all I would ever post is "work sucks," and I don't think that anybody needs me to tell them that.

I am currently commuting almost four hours a day via public transit, which means that I am spending 12 hours total devoted to employment. For anybody who knows anything about the level of leisure that I am accustom to, it is pretty damn obvious that this kind of schedule does not agree with me AT ALL, and it is a total suck on my will to live.

On top of the work burden, I also have been hitting the slopes way to regularly, and I have some previously committed to contract work that I am still finishing up, which only makes the situation worse. Anyway, I may not be posting regularly for a bit, so sorry...

Nobody Fucks With The Jesus

2004-12-18T21:04:00.000-08:00

Week One at the JO was less than inspiring, but I managed to slog it out, which is all I can really ask for.

Meanwhile, the Seattle Post Intelligencer is reporting that Hezbollah TV loses satellite feed to U.S. Apparently the first amendment doesn't apply to arabs anymore.

Who cares? Who the fuck cares? Rights? Constitutional law? Fuck it.

Nobody gets high these days - the lucky just get by.

Insult & Injury

2004-12-17T01:02:00.000-08:00

Today was not one of your more typical A+ days.

I woke up feeling like shit, and while I did have the right medication to address the symptoms, I failed badly in my attempts to cure the disease.

I had to be to work in the wastelands of Beaverton by 1:45pm, which meant boarding the Max at 12:23. Usually I read the N.Y. Times during the course of my hour-and-a-half commute, but they didn't bother to deliver it this morning, so I was fucked on that count as well.

Then, on the Max, I started digging through my bag, searching for a nice 12 hour long lasting Sudafed, but all I came up with was empty left over wrappers - FUCK! No Sudafed! Then, in the tunnel just past the Washington Park stop, the Max slowed to a stop, and the conductor came on the P.A. and announced that another train had broken down on the track, and that we would be delayed for "five minutes."

Five more status reports, and fifteen minutes later, we finally started moving again - at half speed - and by the time we arrived at my stop, my connecting bus was long gone. Cue the frantic cracked-out mile-and-a-half walk to work. Cue dangerously racing heart and pouring sweat.

The work day was dull and annoying, but generally tolerable. When I got off I bought a six pack and headed home (even longer commute).

At home, trying to relax, I decided to scan the headlines at the Guardian, and what did I find?

Indiana Jones leads Hollywood version of battle for Falluja

Oh yeah - Harrison Ford as a Marine, fighting the "terrorists" in Falluja. Doesn't get much better than that.

What do you call it when the assassins accuse the assassin?

2004-12-10T15:32:00.000-08:00

Erhmmm... The U.S. Military?

This story is fishier than a cannery. The essence, as it has been reported, is that a soldier just pleaded guilty to murder charges for wasting a wounded Iraqi. The devil of this bitch is in the details, which sadly, are beyond my grasp, because I can only run with what the press (A.K.A. the military) is giving me.

What I can muster is that in the course of a patrol, a group of soldiers shot up a garbage truck that they claim was dropping off bombs. They disabled the truck, and it caught on fire. One of the individuals in the truck managed to get out, but was severely burned, and also had wounds from either bullets or shrapnel. One of the soldiers (the one who pleaded guilty to murder) decided that the guy was beyond help, and so he executed him.

Now, I am certainly not trying to say that I condone execution - legal or otherwise - but I don't condone war in the first place, and so, this seems to me to be just more insipid American hypocrisy.

Seriously, if it is OK to open fire on the garbage truck, and burn and maim its occupants in the first place, then how is it any worse to finish the job, and expedite the inevitable?

I don't know what really happened, but if the soldier involved is telling the truth - that the guy was done for anyway - then what he did is no crime. The real criminals are the ones who ordered our soldiers onto the battlefield in the first place.

The DUI Fighter

2004-12-08T18:50:00.000-08:00

Flipping through blogs, I ran across Nebur's World, the log of a criminal defense attorney working in Methdesto Cali, who calls himself the "DUI Fighter."

Can't get much more pimp than that - but it does!

He has a feature on his blog that he calls "Puto of the Week," and his inaugural puto is none other than Alberto Gonzales.

Now I know who to call if I ever get busted in Modesto.

Would you buy sex toys from this man?

2004-12-08T15:12:00.000-08:00

Browsing Ebay the other day, looking for a new stun gun, I happened to run across this auction listing for a "cattle prod," which features some very disturbing pictures of a man - presumably the seller - posing with said "cattle prod." Check it out, it's funny as hell.

Electric Magic Shock Cattle Prod High/Low Set

Clarence Thomas Gets Served

2004-12-07T17:43:00.000-08:00

"I think he's been an embarassment to the supreme court"

--Harry Reid to Tim Russert on why he wouldn't consider him for Chief Justice

Who says I don't love America?

2004-12-07T14:32:00.000-08:00

This is from some magazine called Rolling Stone that I had never heard of before.

WHAT!?! YEAAHH!!!

2004-12-07T10:22:00.000-08:00

Why the excitement? Have I just had a breakthrough on the librarian front?

No. Sadly no. Nothing quite that exciting.

Actually, my ass is back in the gainful employment business, which isn't really a good thing vis-a-vis my laziness, but it is good news for my beleaugered pocket book, not to mention my many and varied creditors.

For some reason, Mallinckrodt never responded to my unsolicited offers to become a Quality Control Agent and Product Tester for them, so I didn't exactly get my dream job.

Instead I will once again be a call-center CSR. But that isn't half bad, as I can do the job in my sleep, and more importantly, in many creative states of wakefullness.

Tweaker Advice For Standing Trial

2004-12-03T19:04:00.000-08:00

I ask you "do you go to an interveiw for a job dressed in jeans and a T-shirt?" No, you wear those nice black slacks with a clean button down shirt even if its McDonalds cause you arnt going to lose points for looking too good and it may be what makes the difference between you and the last resume.

Same thing here. Stand out from the crowd of methamphetamine criminals, give the impression that you are one of that 3% that actually recovers...

Six Months - Yesterday

2004-12-03T10:51:00.000-08:00

In this world, God is Drugs. Scag is His Son. God has sent His Son to the earth to spread the Word. The Word is that Scag is good. Scag is our shepherd. We shall always want. You and the other apostles are spreading the Word to the uninitiated like Robyn, who is now, whether she knows it or not, in the fold.

Yesterday was the six-month marker for Speedballing and I had some big plans for long hate filled posts, but sadly, events got in the way. First, The Return of the Kings: EE was released, which sucked 4+ hours out of my day, and then I started reading Buffalo Soldiers, which did in the rest of the day, and kept me up till about 3:30 in this a.m. finishing it.

Buffalo Soldiers, it turns out, is a fucking fantastic book. If you have seen the movie, then you will know that it is heavily focused on the themes of Drugs, Violence, Sex, and Self-Destruction - my favorites.

The book beats the living shit out of the movie, because it turns out that the movie is mostly composed of the happy fluffy moments from the book, with much of the darker material left out. [and it was called a "dark" comedy] As a result the book actually has a point, and a sensible conclusion, instead of the happy ending romantic comedy bullshit from the movie.

Parry Center Strike

2004-12-01T23:56:00.000-08:00

Breaking a long streak of laziness and apathy, I decided to take a bus over to the Parry Center to join in solidarity with the striking workers who are picketing there.

Despite the bitter cold the couple dozen employees who were there were boisterous and friendly, and all of those who I spoke to thanked me for coming out.

While I was there a steady stream of passing drivers honked in appreciation, and the demonstration of community support definitely seemed to buoy the morale of the strikers.

I would strongly encourage everyone to go down, say hi, and make sure that the workers on the lines know that you support them. Even if you're not a union member - I'm not - a victory for labor is a victory for every worker, and solidarity is essential, especially during a strike.

So Much to be Thankful For

2004-11-29T19:46:00.000-08:00

And Klonopin is right at the top of the list!

I did Thanksgiving in the only kind of style that is befitting me. Loads of booze. Coke. Scrips. Delirious driving. Truck stop breaks for hot dogs and beef jerky. Clubs. Whore houses. And I think I pulled my tongue. But not at the truck stop.

The day itself was dominated by a little bit of the old "family dinner," of which I have only vague recollections.

The main thread involves my nephew who is obsessed with Godzilla, and has some kind of weird video or game that involves "Classic Godzilla," "90's Godzilla," and "Godzilla 2000."

As is typical of five-year-olds, my nephew has an active imagination, and so he is prone to whispering things like "there are a thousand Godzilla 2000's outside right now" in my ear, in the middle of Thanksgiving dinner.

I found this somewhat alarming, but initially just tried to ignore it. Then, about five-minutes later he leaned over, and in a very heated tone, whispered "now there are a million Godzilla 2000's outside."

"Jesus, those fu... - pigs - are breeding fast," I said, "we better do something."

As soon as we finished are food we went out to the garage to stock up on weaponry for our Godzilla hunt. I gave him a cheap water gun, and took a nice Super Soaker for myself, and then grabbed a crow bar just in case.

"What do you need that for?"

"In case any of these yellow-bellied swine try to mutiny," I replied.

"What's a mutiny?"

"Never mind. This is my secret weapon against Classic Godzilla, just in case he tries to make a sneak attack."

And so went Thanksgiving.

I am on the verge of getting another job now, so my life is about to take a turn for the suckier, but the upside is that I should have a solid budget for Christmas, which is fast approaching, and should be just as interesting.

Jesus! What is this world coming to?

2004-11-27T15:52:00.000-08:00

Wife and kids went to Grandmas...cum over and fuck!! - m4w - 35

I faked like I was sick today. So the wife and kids drove down to Eugene today by themselves to have Thanksgiving with her parents. So any ladies that are interested in some hot sex come on over. We can fuck all day! Fuck on the living room floor, on the pool table, in the kitchen. Try on my wifes clothes and I can fuck you as well. We can drink wine and watch movies all day also. Must be done and out of the house by 6pm tonight. I am 6' tall, 185 lbs and hot. Email with a response and I will give you my number and address.

2004-11-24T02:48:00.000-08:00

when it's four a.m. and mister you can't sleep
'cause your blood's still rushing at cocaine speed
and you know all that you need's a little baby to say
ah mister cool down won't you let me fade those blues away
and it's a long way down

Thrill of the Chase: Trailer

2004-11-23T18:45:00.000-08:00

I received a package today, not in the mail, but on my doorstep. Inside was a CD-Rom and a nearly illegible handwritten note, signed by Jurgen Johansen.

From what I could read, the note stated that his beleagured "monkey hunting" documentary was finally moving forward, and he demanded that I post the trailer, which was on the CD, on my website.

Well, what the hell. I'm not doing much else these days, so why not post the trailer for this film, which promises to be a masterwork of perversion, lunacy, and ego-mania.

The trailer states that the film will be "Shocking," "Disturbing," and that it will be release in the "Summer of 2005." I'm holding my breath.

Thrill of the Chase - Teaser (7.68MB - XviD)

I Love Clearchannel

2004-11-22T13:15:00.000-08:00

Who even needs a Minister of Propaganda and National Enlightenment these days? What with neo-fascist CEOs who are willing to spread the glorious message for you.

From the Archives: Ashcroft, OPB & Tweak

2004-11-22T01:11:00.000-08:00

I wrote this little piece about six months ago, directly after smoking up the last fat chunk of crystal that I had. I think the whole thing took me about 20 minutes to write, which is shocking. I have tried to keep as much of it intact as possible while correcting the numerous errors in spelling and grammar that existed in the original draft. Sadly, the general drift of the piece is somewhat precient given the recent election, but at least the big A (hole) is gone.

What follows is a very strange story, one that I stumbled on only by luck, or providence, and one that will surely be denied by all of the principles involved, if they are ever asked about it now.

At exactly midnight Monday morning I was laying awake when the eerie blue glow of my silently ringing cell phone caught my eye. I picked it up, and looked at the caller ID, which was displaying a number I didn't recognize. Normally I would not have answered, but something told my I should.

"Who is this?" I asked.

"It's Bruce," came the reply, and I immediately recognized the twisted voice on the other end.

"How did you get this number?" I asked.

"I'll tell you later, I don't have much time now." He said.

"Well, what are you calling about?" I asked, the impatience rising in my voice, as I began to think this was some kind of cheap fuck off.

"I'm not sure what it is," he said, "but I picked up some bad vibrations, and I think something very heavy is coming into town. I don't have all the information yet, but I want to get the word out." He paused, and the asked, "Do you know anything?"

I understood what he was saying immediately, and I was quite alert now. "No, but believe me, I'm onto it. Let me know if you find out anything more."

"I will," he replied, "and you do the same. I won't be at this number, but leave a message - I'll get it."

The line was dead, but it didn't matter. There was nothing more to say or hear. If Bruce felt something in the air, I knew it was big. I don't know how he does it, but if an administration official is in town, the Republican Party is holding a fundraiser, or any other group worth protesting against - or demonstrating for - is going to meet, then Bruce will know about it, and be there. If he had contacted me, it meant something, and I was damn well going to find out what.

I lay still again for a moment, considering my next move, and then I picked up the phone, and placed a call to a local "extras" casting director I knew. It was late. But I was sure he would be up.

At first Rubin (not his real name) tried to plead ignorance, but I knew he was lying to me. It may have been the frantic desperation on the edge of his otherwise confident speech, or maybe it was the continual sniffling - that he claimed was due to "horrible allergies," but something told me that he was a man with a price. After some petty haggling, he told me everything.

At 8:00pm the night before he had received a call from a man, claiming to represent the Justice Department, who had a rather extraordinary request. He said he would need 20-25 individuals of mixed age and sex, but all Caucasian for a "special" acting assignment. He needed about 15 relatively clean cut persons, who would be playing journalists, and 10 more scruffy looking "pothead" types for camera men and assistants. The man on the phone said they would meet at an airport motel at 10:00am Monday for costume and prep, and then would need to provide their own transportation downtown to the Hilton, where they would complete the assignment.

Rubin had asked what the contract was worth, but the man on the phone only laughed mockingly, and made some dark references to an underage sex liaison Rubin had been hooked into a year before. "Do your duty Rubin - as an American Citizen," the man had said. Then the phone went dead.

Luckily for my man, actors willing to work for "in-kind" compensation are not a hard thing to come by on a Monday morning, and he already had most of the spots locked up. I told him to count me in, and he said as long as I could pull off a journalist, it was mine. I said it wouldn't be a problem, because, after all, I am a professional.

At that point, I had some time to kill, so after leaving a message for Bruce, telling him that it was on for the Hilton at noon, I drew a bath, and lay, soaking in the dark for about two hours, trying to focus, and calm my nerves.

At the hotel they had us separated into groups of about five, with each group lead by a suited drone. My drone didn't give us a name, and nobody asked. The people with me acted like they were used to this sort of thing, and I did by best to play along. Each of us was provided with a few questions, written in a notebook, and told that if we were called on, we were to read the question EXACTLY as they appeared on the page. This was repeatedly emphasized by our handler, and she had each of us read back questions a few times - just to be sure. We were then given our press passes and, told to drive directly to the Hilton, stopping nowhere in-between. My pass identified me as William Schmidt, of the Seattle Free Press.

As I sped down I-84 toward the city center, I still didn't know who would be at the press conference, but all the signs pointed to only one man - Ashcroft himself.

Outside of the Hilton, at the Sixth street entrance, I had to walk through a cluster of about 15 ragged protestors. I saw Bruce at the forefront, holding a sign showing a mug shot of Ashcroft, with the words "Wanted - Violating Your Constitutional Rights." It wasn't the uneven syntax that interested me. Obviously Bruce had sensed that Ashcroft was the one as well, so it had to be true. I walked past him with confidence, making no sign of recognition, and he didn't either.

In the conference room an expertly lit stage sat at one end, and at the back, a table laid out with coffee, herbal tea, and bagels was set up. A woman at the door was handing out press releases to us as we walked in. I immediately recognized one of the "handlers" from the airport hotel, except that now he Was carrying a large HD television camera with a Fox News logo on the side of it. "Sweet Jesus," I thought, these people have no shame.

Using an old trick I learned during a forced interrogation, I began committing the Press Release to memory. Earlier I had held it up to the light, and as I suspected, it was watermarked with what looked like a unique serial number. Obviously these press releases would be collected at the exits, and if any were missing - well, we wouldn't want it to come to that.

-------For Immediate Release---------

United States Department of Justice

Attorney General John Ashcroft convened a press conference today to announce a sinister new threat to America's children. Still relatively unnoticed to the general public, it has come to the attention of the Department that children are increasingly experimenting with a previously unknown drug, which is known on the street as "OPB." Currently the distribution of this drug seems to be most prevalent in the urban centers of Portland and Eugene Oregon, but it is also known to be distributed across the country, often being referred to on the street as "PBS."

Although users of this drug claim that it is harmless or even beneficial, they are very mistaken, and the public should not be mislead by their claims.

Although they have only been studying it for a short time, top scientists have already determined that the negative side effects of OPB can include but are not limited to the following.

-Delusions
-Anti-Social Behavior
-Anti-Government Actions
-Anxiety
-Depression

Withdrawal from OPB can cause users to become irritable, and they may make complaints to friends, family, and congressional representatives about how "lack of funding" for "OPB" is interfering with their ability to support their addiction. Invariably these individuals spend more and more of their own money on "OPB" only to receive less and less satisfaction from use. Desperate "OPB" users may turn to theft, from their cable companies, when they cancel their cable subscriptions, and use the money for "OPB" instead.

Although more corroboration is necessary, some informants have told the Justice Department that "OPB" distribution is linked to and supported by terrorist organizations that have the stated goal of "overthrowing the administration," and brainwashing the public with the so called "truth" about their government.

In particular, "OPB" seems to be a tool that these groups are seeking to utilize in their attempt to cripple the war on terror by convincing the public that laws such as the "PATRIOT Act," infringe on their civil liberties, and that Department of Justice initiatives, such as the mass incarceration of Arabs, are not in the best interest of all Americans.

Most disturbing of all is information, from informants, that "OPB" is being distributed IN CLASSROOMS, directly to unsuspecting children, whose parents are completely unaware of what is taking place.

Even though "OPB" has not been classified as a Schedule Substance yet, and it is not an analogue of any scheduled substance, the Attorney General is acting now, both to bring about an Emergency Scheduling, and to immediately begin surveillance of all those involved in the manufacturing and distribution of this dangerous drug, so that when it is classified, they can be quickly swept off of the streets.

For additional information, please contact:

Lynn Woodward
Public Relations
U.S. Department of Justice

-------End Release---------

I read, and memorized the demented language in shocked horror. Had Ashcroft finally flipped off the rails? Was he trying to classify political free speech as a controlled substance, or was he so hopelessly inept that he actually believed OPB was some rare chemical substance? Who could know, but in either case, the ramifications of this move were staggering.

My musings were interrupted when Ashcroft swept through a side door. He walked with purpose, and confidence - his face fixed with a mask of grim determination. He mounted the stage in one stride, and made his way to the center where he swung sharply toward the gathered "reporters," then violently thrust his fists high above his head, and with a terrible leer on his face, shouted out the word "victory."

The assemble crowd stood frozen in dazed shock. The image was simply too disturbing for one us, who I recognized from my prep group, and he staggered to the side of the room, where he fell to his knees on top of a gold plated ash tray, and retched into the shallow pan with a quavering scream. Two men in dark blue suits were on him instantly, and they carried him out the rear door, holding him up by his arms, dragging his limp bumbling feet along the floor behind him.

My own vision began to go grey, but I took a deep breath and held my ground as Ashcroft launched into his speech, which was essentially a regurgitation of the press release.

Ashcroft delivered each line with the kind scorching intensity that can only be born of deep, nay-religious, conviction. His face seemed to swell, and he pounded the podium with his fist, shaking the entire stage with each of his hand-falls as he drilled home each point. When he was finished he looked up and grinned at out at the room - smugly surveying us as we stood cowering like whipped dogs. His face suddenly relaxed into a warm smile, which seemed even more grotesque, and he asked for questions.

After an uncomfortable pause a grey suited man in the front row drew up the courage to read his first question. He started with confidence, but then half way through he began stuttering, and was forced to stop. Somehow he got a grip on himself, and finished it off - reciting the remainder in a high pitched monotone.

Ashcroft stared at him intently for a moment, as if he were pondering whether to strike him down with lightning, or answer the question. But before he could make up his mind, things got really weird.

The room went dark, and at the same instant I heard the unmistakable sound of a battering ram tearing through the door at the front of the room. Wretched blood-curdling screams and teeth-gnashing wails began to rise in the room. I suddenly felt someone clawing at my ankles, clutching desperately in their terror at the first thing they could find. I was trying to kick them free when the flashbangs went off, and I fell to the floor as well.

I was still at the fringes of consciousness then, and I could see dark shapes moving at the front of room. Then I heard the hair-raising crackle of a tazer being discharged, and the arcing electricity provided enough light for me to see two men, wearing SWAT style gear and night-vision goggles, dragging the enormous hulk of Ashcroft toward the door. One of them yelled for help, gasping with fatigue, and two others grabbed the body - which looked like the carcass of an enormous swine - by its fat ankles, and together, they all disappeared out the front-side door. It was over, and I collapsed into oblivion.

I awoke with no concept of time, lying in my own bedroom, with my clock showing 5:30pm. When I staggered upstairs, and picked up the newspaper, it read Tuesday, which meant that I had lost an entire day. That realization hit me low in the stomach, and I felt weak again, so quickly filled a glass with water, which I drained along with two Advil.

Before any more time passed, I wrote down everything I could, exactly the way I remembered it.

Postscript:

Apparently someone in the Bush administration decided that Ashcroft had crossed the line, and this time they took action, before he could finish another one of his cowboy press conferences and get his warped shit out onto the airwaves. He was stopped, for now, but how long will it be before he tries again? How long will it be before Karl Rove decides that the American People are ready to accept the classification of Free Speech as a Dangerous Drug? Naturally it will be classified as Schedule I - because it has no medical purpose - and anyone involved in its distribution will face a mandatory minimum sentence of no less than twenty years, without the possibility of parole. I don't know the time table, but credible sources say that six-months is the number being batted around in the oval office.

I Don't Like the Drugs - But the Drugs Like Me

2004-11-21T16:20:00.000-08:00

As I have said before, I'm only sober about 12 hours a day, and I'm usually sleeping for 10 of them, so my memory can be a bit spotty from time to time, and I regularly find myself piecing through the clues left behind in the detritus of my drunken debauchery to try and figure out exactly what happened any given night before.

Inevitably, suggestive and even accusatory questions are bound to arise: Where did these blood stains come from? How did I get this person's ID? Why all the broken glass? Whose car is parked on the lawn? Etc. etc...

Today I was going through my coat pockets, looking for a bus ticket, and instead I came up with a Lifestyles condom.

This was a little surprising since my normal brand preference is Trojan Very Sensitive - or anything I can steal.

So where did this little plastic package come from? I was perplexed. Stymied. Vexed.

My bus pulled up to the stop, and I boarded with a sense of purpose in my step, swerving just slightly, trying to steady the cup of drank in my hand, as I fumbled a two-zone pass into the slot. I slumped onto a seat, casting my bag down beside me, letting it fall with the heavy thunk of a half full bottle inside.

Eureka! Halloween. That's were the condom came from. I shuddered.

The memory was not a pleasant one. Eugene - bad clubs, worse DJs, unspeakable dancing, way too much coke.

Recollections of the night are hazy. I recall four drunken youth rolling down an alley in a big black Lincoln, circa seventies, holding a Bush/Cheney sign out the window. At first I thought they might be Republicans, but no. As they screeched to a halt in front of the club they called to the bouncer who was smoking a cigarette.

"Dude, set this shit on fire," one of them yelled, waving the sign. The bouncer walked over to the window and took hold of the sign as the assembled crowd on the sidewalk gathered in closer to witness the burning. The bouncer took his lighter, and held it up to the side of the sign, trying to set it afire.

"That's plastic," I said knowingly, "it won't burn for shit, at least not without some gasoline." The man seemed to be ignoring me, but I continued, "kerosene would work too."

The driver of the black Lincoln ground it into gear, and started off slowly down the alley, drifting into a stack of liquor boxes as he drove off.

"Fuck this," I said, talking in the general direction of Mr. A, "let's get that cab." We both staggered up to the mini-van taxi, and I recognized the cowboy-hat attired driver from earlier in the night.

"Can we get a lift?" I asked.

"Are you the ones who made the call?"

"No"

"Well, they're not here, and you are, so let's go."

"Cool"

Somewhere along the ride home we discovered that we were both skint for cash, but that's another story.

Back to The Condom.

I had been sitting at a table on the edge of the dance floor, watching in abject horror as a horde of drunken UO students packed the floor to "get down" to some lame ass anthem. It may have been Tipsy or possibly Get Low - I don't remember, and it doesn't really matter.

I was watching the scene with an expression of destitute shock when some fat girl came up to me and pressed a condom into my hand, then leaned over and yelled something like "maybe this will cheer you up" in my ear.

Yes indeed. That's how I got it. But why did I still have it?

Could I have turned down a straight up offer for sex? Not bloody likely, even if this girl wasn't attractive, or was in fact - as I remember - spectacularly unattractive.

I have long held forth that I will "fuck anybody," and even if that is pushing it a bit far, I do definitely adhere to a very open set of carnal standards.

In fact, aside from underage girls, I have only turned down sex on one occasion, and that was because the girlfriend of a 300 pound crackhead wanted to fuck me on the couch in their living room, while her boyfriend was passed out in the bedroom. Given said crackhead's history of psychosis and violence, I wasn't quite up for the act, and wisely declined.

But what of Halloween? Damn these blackouts! Why doesn't my memory last past ten drinks? Why?

Maybe I did have sex with the girl, and just forgot to use the condom. Maybe the nasty shit I found dried in my pubic hair the next morning wasn't vomit...

Ha ha, just kidding. That's gross!

Truth is, I don't remember what happened, and that's probably a good thing.

So, on this occasion, I guess the drugs really did work. And it might be time to get my test on - again.

Bush Gets Served

2004-11-21T11:28:00.000-08:00

I got the advance of Xzibit's Weapons of Mass Destruction this morning, and even though I had already heard that it contained attacks on Bush I was shocked both by how cleverly they were done, and how explicitly stated the condemnations of our newly elected second-term President were.

The first track on the album is entitled State of the Union, and consist of snippets of Bush speeches, re-arranged to project a slightly different message.

Tonight I want to take a few minutes to discuss a grave threat to peace.

The dictator who is assembling the worlds most dangerous weapons is here in our own country. He's a homicidal dictator who's addicted to weapons of mass destruction. He's proven he's capable of anything.

The tyrant is me.

I've directed members of the administration to support the use of violence against all of you. I will kill thousands or hundreds of thousands of innocent people in our country and across the world.

I - uhmmm - resolve to bring sudden terror and suffering with horrible poisons, and diseases, and gases. Men and women, boys and girls - thousands of civilians - will be killed in a single day, bombed at random, and without remorse.

My ultimate ambitions are to control the people of the United States, and to blackmail the rest of the world with weapons of mass terror - weapons of mass destruction.

Shit, I guess Hip Hop is nothing but sampling these days.

Respect Copyrights?

2004-11-18T10:05:00.000-08:00

It's a good thing I found the MPAA's new website www.respectcopyrights.org. It has been a Damascus experience for me, and I am now filled with nothing but love and appreciation for huge American media conglomerates.

But now that I have renounced my evil illegal movie trafficking ways, what's next?

I guess its back to smuggling tar from Thailand. I Better stock up on vaseline.

My Dream Job

2004-11-18T09:58:00.000-08:00

Get plastered in Paris or you're out of a job (The Guardian)

I used to work for another PR company and they threw a party to celebrate a merger. The party was held at a top West End bar and I was shocked to walk into the toilets and see people openly snorting coke.

They don't say, but I wonder if his firm was doing PR for Emap...

Thomas Friedman Still a Lying Sack of Shit - Shock!

2004-11-13T19:34:00.000-08:00

God damn this guy is a fucking cunt.

He is on Russert right now, talking shit about how we succeeded in Afghanistan, and failed in Iraq, because we failed to convince Arabs of the righteousness of our cause.

Friedman actually used the phrase, "call me naive, but I don't think we invaded Iraq for oil."

Fuck Friedman. He is a liar, a scum bag, and an intellectually dishonest apologist for the Bush administration.

Let me make a few points:

We failed in Afghanistan just as badly as we failed in Iraq. Afghanistan was just a lot more fucked up than Iraq before we go there, so nobody in the west has noticed or cares.

If not for oil, then why? It's been three years, and I still haven't heard an answer.

Arab hatred for the U.S. and opposition to its policies has nothing to do with a failure in our public relations. In fact, it is very similar to European hatred for the U.S. and opposition to its policies.

The fact is, you can only spin evil so far, and the U.S. reached the limit a long time ago.

Guide: Computer Security Essentials

2004-11-11T14:39:00.000-08:00

In the interest of spreading the knowledge, I have completed a new guide to Computer Security that covers the most essential topics, such as anonymous web surfing, encryption, avoidance of surveillance, and permanent file deletion.

Whether you may need to use some, all, or none of these techniques depends on the type of activities you are engaged in, and how comfortable you are with the possibility of the feds showing up on your doorstep.

I do think that most people can gain at least something from being aware of the security risks that are out there, and hopefully, once equipped with the tools necessary to operate with true security and anonymity, people will find new and more creative ways to use computers and the Internet to further their goals.

This guide is definitely still a little rough around the edges, but after three days, I am getting tired of working on it, and just want to get it published. I will try to edit it further in the future when I have the time.

Computer Security Essentials

Note

2004-11-11T14:29:00.000-08:00

I have decided that it would be unwise to continue posting links to files that could possibly contain copyrighted material. For this reason, all links and posts related to audio/video files except for those created by myself have been removed. I apologize for the inconvenience.

The Only PIG I Like is Served with Eggs and Toast

2004-11-08T00:01:00.000-08:00

Following the election that just took place I have seen a lot of very intense sentiment expressed by those who were shocked, appalled, dismayed, and disillusioned by its outcome. I myself spent several days getting drunk and stoned, from wake till sleep, just to deal with the reality of the voting results on November 2.

I have seen many people, who I previously considered to be much less radical than myself, talking about and engaging in the kind of action that even I would have considered "extreme" less than a week ago.

Everyone who I have talked to is talking about action, and a shocking amount of the action that I have heard considered is either violent, illegal, or both. The second topic of conversation that I have been inundated in, is talk about how the results of the election are fraudulent, with the most often mentioned source of fraud being electronic voting machines.

Now, while I am not actively seeking to dissuade anyone from immediately engaging in revolutionary action, or trying to convince anybody that Bush's victory was won freely and fairly, I feel that I should make some explanation as to why I am not out in the streets throwing bombs myself, or standing up and decrying the vote fraud that took place on November 2.

Starting with the allegations of fraudulent vote counting:

I don't know if the machines were rigged, or if partisan officials engaged in fraud on election night, and to me, it doesn't make a bit of difference.

I worked to support John Kerry's election. I volunteered to support John Kerry's election. But I never did it because I believed in John Kerry. To me, John Kerry is just another PIG. Now that he has failed to achieve the only function he could have ever performed for me - defeating Bush - I have no further use for him.

Fraud or no fraud - it doesn't matter. John Kerry has conceded. Which means that even if fraud did occur, John Kerry is now complicit in it, because he would rather protect his legacy, and political power, than stand up for his constituency and fight for their democratic rights.

I carried John Kerry's flag before, because it was the best chance I had to defeat Bush. I am carrying my own flag now, and for me, victory can only be achieved by defeating both George Bush and John Kerry.

Aside from my sentiments toward the respective candidates, the honest truth is that Every Election In America Is a Fraud. The results would have been just as fraudulent if Kerry had won as they are now.

Either way, there would still be a PIG in the White House. The only difference that a Kerry victory would have made is that it would be my PIG in the WH, and the other half of this poor fucked up country would feel the exact same way that I do now.

Revolution, etc:

Despite my clear dislike for Kerry, the prospect of Bush's defeat gave me a great deal of strength and hope prior to the election. For myself, the exposure of my weakness and the shattering of my hope was devastating, as I know it was for many others.

For those people who are talking about moving to Canada, or engaging in widespread civil disobedience, or simply running amok and smashing anything that they can get close to, I can't say that I haven't had the same urges. But for myself, I don't view any of those choices as solutions, only as reactions.

Reaction is a strategy of guaranteed defeat. As it is, I have just suffered a devastating loss, and I am now on the defensive. To have any hope of victory, or even survival, I have to retreat, collect my wits, and calmly plot the next offensive.

Even before the election, before I knew who would win, I was planning ways to increase the magnitude and intensity of my resistance. This planning continues now, and my efforts are only driven more forcefully by the election's result.

The focus of my resistance is our country's unjust system of courts and prisons, and the disparities in wealth and power that exist between the underclasses, and the corporations and wealthy elite.

Consider that one third of Oregon's inmates are incarcerated, not for having harmed any person, but only for offending the sensibilities of the ruling class.

The "War on Drugs" is not a metaphor, but a real war, in which the poor and dispossessed people of the United States are conscripted onto the field of battle to fight against the best funded and best equipped police force in the world.

Consider that despite the crimes that individuals commit, the numbers do not lie when they say that, by and large, our so called corrections system is really a chain of debtors prisons that punish the poor for failing to earn enough money to pay the taxes that the rich have imposed upon them.

"Class War" is not a metaphor, but a real war, in which corporations and the wealthy elite exploit their middle class armies, using them to rape and pillage the poor, and then toss them the scraps from the spoils of their conquest.

In this context, it should be clear what an "active resistance" might entail, and for myself, I view it not just as an option, but as an obligation.

I Lied...

2004-11-05T21:20:00.000-08:00

...but it was your own damn fault for trusting me in the first place.

Over the past couple of months I have made many wild and varied claims about what I would do if Bush won the election. Most oft repeated amongst these was that I would either get heavy into dope or move to Canada, neither of which I have done - at least yet.

I had also promised - on a number of occasions - that I would be in the streets, throwing bombs in the revolution, if Bush was declared the winner on Tuesday. Since I ended up passing out around 10:00pm, I guess I slid by on that one.

Tuesday was tumultuous, to say the least. By then the coke and most of the speed was gone, and we were left with nothing but booze, weed, and a handful of Vicodin. My memories of the day are vague and intermittent at best, but I do vividly recall that at one point I had a bottle of "Two-buck-Chuck" in one hand, and a plastic pint of "Black Velvet" in the other, and I was taking swigs off both with gusto, only pausing occasionally to pop another pill into my mouth.

By 5:00pm this bullshit was definitely taking a toll on me, but somehow I managed to gather myself enough to go down to some pizza place, where Mr. A's Political Science was gathered to watch the returns. I don't actually remember being there, but apparently some kind of "scene" was involved, which doesn't really surprise me.

After the pizza place, we went to the fairgrounds, which I do remember - probably because I had taken the rest of the speed.

As the night wore on I became increasingly pessimistic about the outcome, and I conceded victory to Bush long before many others were willing to take that step. However, red wine, whiskey, cheap beer, amphetamines, and downers are not a cocktail that will encourage its taker to go gently into the good night. To that point, I recall offering, quite forcefully and on multiple occasions, to "fight any Republican in the room," and I am sure that I made many other scandalous/felonious declarations before the night was through.

Wednesday dawned rotten as hell. I awoke lying in a room more closely resembling something from Fear & Loathing in Las Vegas than I have ever seen before in my life. Empty wine bottles, beer bottles, beer cans, liquor bottles, coke bottles, coke cans, about half-a-dozen pizza boxes, pizza crusts, rotting food, wet clothes, empty baggies, and all manner of other filth were pilled high around the thin mat on the dirty floor where I was sleeping, huddled - sick and shivering - under a thin blanket, like a dying animal crawled back into its nest after exposure to a disastrous chemical spill that has just destroyed everything it had ever known and held dear. For about three hours I tossed around on the floor, trying to get just a little more rest, and gather enough energy to drag myself to the toilet and vomit.

The only real highlight of the day came when a high strung neighbor stormed into the room wearing an American flag draped over his jeans like a diaper, and launched into a speech about how this symbolized his desire to "shit on the American flag," which is a sentiment that I can certainly sympathize with.

Confirmed: Bin Ladin Tape Huge Pain in My Ass

2004-10-30T23:15:00.000-07:00

I noticed the headlines on this yesterday, but I didn't even read the story, because I knew it would be an avalanche of bullshit.

The first thing that stands out about all of these recordings is that none of them can be positively verified as authentic, or repudiated as inauthentic.

Currently the only means that independant organizations have of testing the validy of any new Bin Ladin tape is by comparing it to other Bin Ladin tapes, with the underlying assumption being that the other tapes are valid.

In the case of one proported Bin Ladin audio recording, which was aired on 11/13/2002, an independent review by a Swiss research institute concluded that the voice on the tape did not match the voice profile created from computer analysis of twenty other Bin Ladin tapes. (Bin Laden tape 'created by impostor', The Guardian)

The second thing worth noting is that irregardless of whether or not these tapes are actually the recorded voice of Usama Bin Ladin, he doesn't control when, how, or if they ever get aired.

For instance, in the case of a tape that was aired of 2/12/03, it was widely reported in American as well as European press that Colin Powell made a reference to the Bin Ladin tape before Al Jazeera ever aired it. When reporters called Al Jazeera to try and find out what Powell was talking about, their representatives denied having a Bin Ladin tape, but then it ended up going on the air a short time later. The next day, The Guardian reported that the U.S. government had been given the tape by the government of Quatar five days before it was broadcast, and that the Quatari government had the final say on whether or not it would be broadcast. (US already knew of Bin Laden tape)

So, in the case of this tape, it is reasonable to say that not only could it possibly be a fake, but it is also almost certain that the government of Quatar made the final decision to put it on the air, and it is quite possible that the Bush administration knew it was going on before it was aired.

My question, and the question of many, is who would gain from the release of this tape, and why would they choose to release it so close to the U.S. election? Given the close proximity to the election, it is possible that the tape is meant to affect the vote, but how?

One analysis is that the tape will have no effect on the election result at all.

The other analysis would be that the tape will affect the vote by causing a last minute shift toward Bush as voters are reminded that the issue they view Bush as being the strongest on - terrorism - is the one they should focus on when they go to the polls.

What is missing here, is any obvious way that the release of this tape could be viewed as a positive for Kerry.

Now, assuming that the tape was made by Bin Ladin, he obviously benefits no matter what, because he is getting his message out. But why would Bin Ladin choose to release a video tape now, targeted at Americans, when many events of much greater importance to the middle east have come and gone without a video address by him to his muslim followers?

What about the government of Quatar, which reportedly has veto authority over Al-Jazeera? Why would they choose to air the video now? How long was it in their possession before they aired it? When did they inform the administration of its contents, and their intent to air it?

And this is about where I throw my hands up, and say "Fuck It," because nobody knows the answers to those questions, and I doubt anybody will be finding out any time soon.

Reference Previous Quote

2004-10-28T19:30:00.000-07:00

-------Edit-------

Hey, hey. I get to do my first correction. A reader was kind enough to write and tell me that Eagleton was actually on the McGovern ticket, not McCarthy, which would make sense since McCarthy never got the Democratic nomination. Luckily this is buried off the front page now, so nobody will notice the mistake.

I guess blogging isn't such a revolutionary medium after all.

------------------

CNN just put Thomas Eagleton on the air to analyze trends in the electorate.

Yes. This is the same Tom Eagleton who sank Eugene McCarthy's bid for the presidency when it was revealed - after Eagleton was named as the ticket's VP - that Eagleton had a history of depression and mental illness that had been treated with hospitilization, and even electro-shock therapy.

How the FUCK does this geriatric shit-sack - who was a fucking rusty anchor on the Democratic party even in his youth - get anywhere near a microphone and TV camera, and what kind of sick, twisted network would put him on the air to unleash his demented ravings on the innocent public.

Holy God, I hate cable news.

I better take some aspirin, or cook some junk, because my heart can't take this strain much longer.

The End is Near

2004-10-28T10:57:00.000-07:00

Journalism is not a profession or a trade. It is a cheap catch-all for fuckoffs and misfits - a false doorway to the backside of life, a filthy piss-ridden little hole nailed off by the building inspector, but just deep enough for a wino to curl up from the sidewalk and masturbate like a chimp in a zoo-cage.

[I don't even have to give an attribution for that]

Thank god this election cycle is almost over. I think that I finally understand why so many Americans don't vote. They secretly hope that by refusing to join in playing the election's game, that it may eventually go away, to never bother them again.

This year - they say - is different. People are excited, eager, and frothing at the mouth like rabid beasts for their opportunity to descend upon the polls and cast their vote. The reason for this, I suspect, has something to do with the roll voting actually plays in our political system.

The Vote, by nature, is not a mechanism for elevating individuals to power. People are quite motivated and capable of seeking power through means other than the dull trappings of democracy. What voting is then, at its core, is a mechanism for removing people from power. And by that reasoning, any surge in voter interest in an election is almost certain to bode ill for whoever happens to be holding office come election day.

This simplistic musing is just one of the reasons why I am now more confident than Terry Mcauliffe that John Kerry is simply counting down the days till victory. Another reason may be this new supply of speed that I have just tapped into, but who really knows these days.

Now, getting back to the quote that I lead with. I felt it was appropriate, because the level of bullshit in the press is hitting new highs almost as frequently as I am.

Hawaii, and Arkansas are in contention... There are 31.2 scenarios that could lead to an electoral college tie - to be broken by Tom Delay's HoRs... Massive Republican disenfranchisement efforts... coordinated breakins of Republican offices... A demented Republican-hater attempting to run over Kathleen Harris in his Cadillac... (that is true actually)

I have said it before, many a time, and I will say it again: Bush lost in 2000, and there is no good reason to believe - based on his record - that he will win this time.

I also occurs to me that I once made the claim that "If Rumsfeld is still Secretary of Defense on election day, then GWB will be our next President."

Now, I won't go so far as to say that those two statements don't have a somewhat contradictory theme, but they are not necessarily mutually exlusive.

As history has shown, winning an election does not make one president, and it may turn out that losing two elections doesn't necessarily disqualify you from at least beginning your second term in office. Despite my supreme confidence that Kerry will win, I am somewhat less sure that he will be our next president.

The greatest weight on my confidence in a Kerry presidency is Florida. Regardless of polling that is favorable to Kerry, and what I believe will be a massive Democratic turn out, my gut instinct is that Florida will go for Bush - by any means necessary.

If the President really does have Florida locked down, then he is playing the rest of the electoral college game with the same cooked odds as a gambler holding an ace up his sleeve. The simple fact is that any way you stir the pot the EC is very favorable to Bush, if you take Florida out of contention.

All that remains now is the agonizing wait. I try not to think about all of the evil schemes and plots that may come to fruition on election day, or of the possibility of nightmarish court wranglings over voter eligibility that result in months of indecision, and culminate with the elevation of the losing candidate to America's highest elected office for the second consecutive time.

If any of those things do happen, don't expect me to write about them. Because if Kerry isn't the decisive winner by early Wednesday morning, I will either flee the country, or spend at least the next three weeks shooting smack in the basement of a condemned house.

Reservists Face Discipline After Refusing "Suicide Mission"

2004-10-15T23:44:00.000-07:00

This is a surreal story, which I'm sure will make the NYT tommorow.

The Army is investigating members of a Reserve unit in Iraq who refused to deliver a fuel shipment north of Baghdad under conditions they considered unsafe, the Pentagon and relatives of the soldiers said Friday. Several soldiers called it a "suicide mission," relatives said.

The article quotes one of the soldiers who was ordered on this mission as saying that "We had broken-down trucks, nonarmored vehicles. [And] We were carrying contaminated fuel." Apparently they were being ordered to deliver this useless fuel, without an armed escort, to a base located in the infamous "Sunni Triangle," which has been widely reported to be the most dangerous part of Iraq.

Full Story (N.Y. Times)

I Wrote That?

2004-10-14T13:04:00.000-07:00

Hahahahahaha...

It is always nice to get up in the morning, and find some funny-ass-shit [at least I think it's funny] that you had totally forgoten posting the night before.

I guess this is what happens when half a fifth of rum (blended in a nice rum-punch) is only one part in a nice three-way downer cocktail.

Cult of the Dancing Chicken

2004-10-13T20:08:00.000-07:00

THIS IS YOUR GOD NOW!

All must kneel before the dancing chicken.

The wrath of the dancing chicken will know no limits, and unbelievers will fall beneath his sword like sheep in a slaughterhouse when the day of peckoning comes.

Total Randomness™ - Now in quote form

2004-10-08T20:57:00.000-07:00

Snap, yeah RiKeR =)

MY IDEA INVOLVES MIDGETS AND PORN (I WILL GIVE MORE INFORMATION UPON REQUEST)

Maaaaaan allmost weekend but not quite yet, but but soon soon soon soon, and then it's home to watch my MrRiker dl.

-_-

Remember kids, your supposed to take your Ritalin before posting on forums.

From the Archives: Suggestions for improving workplace productivity

2004-10-04T18:24:00.000-07:00

[Like most companies, one of my former employers - an inbound customer service call center - had a "suggestion box," where employees could drop off whatever they had that they wanted "management" to receive and consider for adoption as company policy.

Now, my hunch would be that management will never see or read a word that goes into that shabby little box on the wall, and whenever necessary, it is emptied into the nearest rubbish bin.

There are good reasons to believe this. A) given the quality of your average call center employee, most of the "suggestions" will be total crap, or will have been already implemented, and fully explained, in the manual that no one bothers to read. B) The remainder of the "suggestions" will simply be verbal abuse, un-verifiable claims against low-level supervisors, and slanderous charges of bestiality against the companies executive officers. C) The final type of suggestion that might appear, if anyone in management were to actual read any of them, is the most feared of all, not for its literary content, but for its mysterious "wet suprise," which is bound to turn the stomach of even most hardened middle-manager.

The following "suggestion" can be classified somewhere inbetween categories A, and B. I have never personally followed through on a Category C suggestion, but I am umemployed, and may end up working in another call-center, so hope shines eternal that someday I may move into the upper-echelon of workplace malfeasance that is defined by behavior such as the Category C suggestion.]

Subject: Suggestions for improving work place productivity

I believe that the overall productivity of CSRs could be dramatically improved by instituting an IVR [interactive voice response] "Basic Aptitude Test" for ALL inbound callers.

The details would have to be worked out, but in theory, it would work something like the following:

Customer calls in

[IVR] - For each of the following questions please press the number that corresponds to the answer.

[IVR] - Please enter the answer to the mathematical question: 2 + 2

-Wait for response. If it is accurate, move on, if it is inacurate, explain to the customer again what they are supposed to do, and give them another different question of similar difficulty.

[IVR] - If you were to count the letters in the alphabet, which letter would "A" be?

etc...

Implementing a system like this would almost certainly cut call volume in half, and possibly by as much as 60-70%. Additionally, stress levels amongst employees would be dramatically reduced. Stress related phenomenon, such as broken keyboards, and employee altercations resulting in violence, would almost certainly be reduce if not completely removed. Finally, the company would also see reductions in their premiums for dental insurance, as they would no longer have legions of employees requiring dental reconstructive surgery due to the incessant gnashing of teeth that is the result of having to deal with exactly the type of customers that said system would weed out.

I thank you for your time, and hope that you will seriously consider this proposal as a means for improving both your bottom line, and the working conditions for your employees.

News Flash: I still can't gamble for shit!

2004-10-04T18:02:00.001-07:00

For reasons that can only be explained in terms of dangerous scheduled substances, and massive amounts of alcohol, I managed to get into another orgy of gambling on Saturday night, and once again got my ass beat like a red-headed step-child.

Total losses were around $15, (I tend to gamble very low-ball given my current avg. monthly income of $0.00) and they would have probably been greater, except that after 2:00 am we were all to smashed to keep track, and so all of the action from those hours was set aside.

These damn cards - they have it out for me. I swear!!! It's all the cards...

Good Morning Vietnam

2004-10-01T21:32:00.000-07:00

Aided by Iraqis, U.S. Seizes Part of Rebel Town

SAMARRA, Iraq, Oct. 1 - American and Iraqi forces battled their way into the center of this insurgent-ridden city on Friday, claiming that they had taken control of more than half the town and that they had killed more than 100 guerrillas, in what is shaping up to be one of the largest military operations since the war began.

Does anybody else remember that at the beginning of the war in Iraq we never released numbers for enemy body counts?

It was only when our casualties got out of control that we began releasing numbers for enemy casualties that put ours in a more positive light.

Does anyone else remember the fact that we have already declared victory, or declared that we have "turned the corner" in Iraq at least half-a-dozen times already?

Wake up and smell the napalm. It smells like "victory."

Media Self-Perception

2004-10-01T13:12:00.000-07:00

Tens of millions of Americans will watch the first of three Bush-Kerry debates and draw their own tentative conclusions as to who got the best of it. But perceptions can shift as commentators, analysts and spinners chew things over and selected sound bites are endlessly replayed on television, creating "moments" that may not have seemed particularly dramatic at the time.

Howard Kurtz of the Washington Post wrote that a couple days ago, before the debate.

I was talking to Mr. A before the debate, and he essentially brought up the same thing - talking about Gore's sighing, and how it had been heavily covered in 2000.

Well first off, let me just mention - yet again - that Gore WON the election in 2000 by 500,000 votes, and that was with a left-wing third-party candidate taking a couple million more off his pile, so despite what people on cable news talk shows might be saying, the American People didn't seem to have that big of a problem with Gore's infamous sighs.

Am I trying to say that when the cable news shows go 24/7 on some inane bullshit that people aren't affected by the overwhelming onslaught, and don't just accept it as conventional wisdom? No, not exactly. People are affected by what the cable news outlets put out, (polls of how viewers receiving their news solely from FNC view the world provide some good anecdotal evidence of this) but the fact is that the number of people actually watching cable news is tiny, and so no matter how loud O'Reilly and Scarborough shout, or how much slant FNC has in its coverage, most people will never hear or see it.

You want numbers? Oh, believe me baby, I got numbers.

All numbers of viewers - not ratings* - ratings are from August.

[*Nielsen ratings are percentage points of the total audience, which is close to a 100 million anyway, so it can be easy to confuse the rating with the viewership, since the numbers are on the same order.]

Primetime Cable News Ratings:
Fox - 2.1m
CNN - 730,000
MSNBC - 360,000
CNBC - 180,000

Cable News Personality Shows:
O'Reilly - 2.7m
Hannity - 1.8m
Scarborough - 330,000

Not that stellar. In fact, O'Reilly, who has the highest rated show on a cable news channel, is still losing in the ratings war to Spongebob Squarepants.

Now, let's see what happens when we compare cable news to another type of show that drives public perceptions, and also covers current evens - the late night talk shows.

Tonight Show (Leno) - 5.1m
Late Show (Letterman) - 4.9m
Late Night (Conan) - 2.2m
Late LateShow (Kilborn) - 1.6m
Last Call (Carson) - 1.4m
Jimmy Kimmel - 1.4m

Here we see that the two flagship shows both get almost double the audience of O'Reilly, and although I don't have the numbers, I would be willing to bet that it is a much more diverse, middle of the road audience. The rest of the late night shows, some of which come on at 1 and 2 in the morning, still get larger audiences than the likes of Hannity, and Scarborough, and still get a larger audience than the primetime audience for cable news. It should also be added that Saturday Night Live generally draws an audience of 6-7 million viewers, which is once again, a larger audience by far than any audience for any cable news show. While I'm on the subject, the one late night network news program, Nightline, had an audience of 3.4 million.

And where are most Americans really getting their news from? The networks. Let's have a look at those numbers.

NBC - 8.2m
ABC - 8m
CBS - 6.7m

That's right. 23 million people watch one of the primetime network news casts every night. Which would be, oh, roughly 7 times the audience for the cable news outlets combined.

So, is there an "echo-chamber" (probably mostly right-wing) that exists on the cable news networks? Maybe, but who really cares? The cold hard fact is that nobody is paying attention anyway except for diehard conservative O'Reilly fans, political geeks, and other members of the media. As a result, anytime somebody claims that this "echo-chamber" has the ability to affect public perceptions - let alone elections - they should probably be tarred and feathered, or at the very least, taken with a grain of salt.

Meanwhile, what a candidate really needs to do, if they're worried about how the public perceives them, is try to avoid doing anything thing that can be relentlessly mocked on the late-night talk shows, and SNL, because that audience is a massively larger segment of the American People than all of the cable news shows.

Saddam May Run for National Assembly

2004-09-30T22:58:00.000-07:00

These elections are parliamentary, so Hussein would not have to run nationwide, only from a district, presumably Tikrit. Makes television ads and fundraising a lot easier. Even nationwide, Hussein seems to be making something of a comeback. Di Stefano cited a recent Gallup poll that he said indicates that 42 percent of the Iraqi people want their former leader back.

In the Loop (The Washington Post)

Memory Lane 2

2004-09-30T22:31:00.000-07:00

One thing is FOR SURE - JK isn't The Candidate because of his vision, leadership, policies, or his ability to Turn People On. In fact, JK has an almost magical ability to Turn People OFF, while at the same time convincing EVEN DEMOCRATS that he is nothing more than a self-serving Flip-Flopper, who would sell his soul to Satan, or whoever else was the highest-bidder, for the opportunity to ascend those last few steps to the Oval Office.

Yes, I wrote that back in June.

I definitely have to admit that I have warmed to Kerry a bit over time. Especially now, after seeing him debate Bush. Compared to Bush he seems to have practically preternatural political instincs, and tome like intelect.

Something Kerry did well tonight was that he stood up and made blatantly false statements with the self assurance of a devoutly religous person quoting scripture.

Maybe half-a-dozen times Kerry stated with total absolution that "he has had one position on Iraq." This is so blatantly false that Bush seem genuinely taken aback by it, and one can only assume that it must have left a bitter taste in Bush's mouth to have his favorite campaign tactic - simply lying about anything inconvenient to your story line - turned back against him.

Presidential Debate Pix

2004-09-30T20:47:00.000-07:00

BTW. I corrected the images, so that they accurately reflect each participants actual height. In the original C-SPAN broadcast, the candidates were framed in a way that actually showed Bush as being taller than Kerry most of the time.

If you want debate analysis, you can get all you want on the various cable news channels, so I won't bother you with any of my own.

Show Me The Money

2004-09-29T14:09:00.000-07:00

Generally speaking, I try to limit my posts to wild speculation, totally unfounded rumor, prejudicial observation, and drunken rambling. But every once in a while even I give in, and am forced to actually create a hypothesis, do some research, analyze the facts, and draw well founded conclusions. You know, like, the Scientific Method.

In this case, I decided to investigate whether or not there is a correlation between how much money people have, and how they vote. The "conventional wisdom" on this question is, to state it grossly, that rich people vote Republican, and poor people vote Democrat, and that was the hypothesis that I set out to test.

My first task in carrying out this test, was to chose indicating criteria for how people vote, and how much money they have. In order to make this as simple as possible, I chose to use the 2000 Presidential election as an indicator of voting habits, and Median Household Income as an indicator of how much money each voter group had. Both of these indicators are extremely broad, and so, any conclusions based upon them really need to be tested further in order to verify their veracity.

So what does the data show?

I'm gonna bust this mojo on you Perry Mason style, starting with Exhibit A, and Exhibit B.

Notice any similarities?

Exhibit A shows, in typical red/blue fashion, states that went for Bush (red) and Gore (blue) in the 2000 presidential election. Exhibit B shows states with a Median Household Income above the national average in Green, and states with Median Household Income below the national average in Red.

This is about the point where the "conventional wisdom" breaks down in tears on the stand and confesses that it was guilty of being wrong all along. I guess the "conventional wisdom" better get ready for some hard time in the booty house, because its chances on appeal aren't looking too good.

What I found was that in 39 of the 50 states, and the District of Columbia, a median household income below the national average indicated a majority, or plurality for Bush, or a median household income above the national average indicated a majority or plurality for Gore.

It should be noted that because 2000 was a three way race, the absence of Nader in the election would have probably led to Gore winning Florida, which has a median household income below the national average. It should also be noted that the District of Columbia is an urban metropolitan area, not a state, and so, even though it has electoral votes, it is very different from the other states in terms of the makeup of its population. Likewise, Alaska and Hawaii have unique features that make them quite different from the continental states. Those exceptions aside, let's move on, and try to sort out what this relationship between income, and voting preference actually means.

Firstly it should be said that there is clearly no causal relationship between these two indicators. Or, to put it plainly, voting Democratic will not give families in your state a disproportionately higher income. The reason I say this is simple, most of the poorest states in the union (those in the deep south) voted consistently Democrat up until 50 years ago, and they were just as poor then as they are now.

But, what if we step outside of our society's shifting mores for a moment, and ignore the various changes that have occurred over the years in the ideologies of our nation's leading parties, and consider states on the basis of whether or not they have mostly supported progressive or conservative political ideologies. In this case, the model of progressive political ideology leading to an increase in median income for the residents of a state would seem to be a better fit. This most certainly cannot proved by the data that I have looked at, but it is possible that it could explain my data.

My theory would go a little something like this:

Conservative ideology is basically devoted to maintaining a system where an elite class holds a disproportionate share of the money and power, while a vast poor underclass is subservient to it. Progressive ideology is centered around the idea that freedom and equality for everyone is the true goal of a healthy society. Thus, progressive political action would seek to reduce the disparity in income between rich and poor, while conservative political action would seek to increase that disparity.

I make the assumption that large disparities in the distribution of income will affect the overall prosperity of a social group. My reasoning is that, if a few people are very rich, then by definition, a great many people must be poor. The most reasonable explanation for why this situation would occur is that the few rich are receiving a greater share of their society's wealth than they deserve, and the many poor are not receiving the share of their society's wealth that they deserve. If this happens, the link between work and reward (which is essential for a labor market to function) is broken, and so the many poor - who perform most of the labor - will work less, because they know that they will not be fairly compensated for their work, and as a result, overall prosperity is decreased. It is also likely that this income disparity, and lack of fairness in the distribution of wealth, would decrease the incentives for an individual to pursue higher education, and increase the incentives for an individual to engage in criminal activity.

The most extreme example of the above would be a society where most of the labor is performed by slaves, while a very small wealthy elite controls the vast majority of all of the assets, and receives a majority of the income, and a small class of impoverished free persons have almost no assets, and receive only a subsistence income. That doesn't sound at all familiar - does it?

Let's take a look at the ten states with the lowest median household incomes, raked by the percentage by which they deviate from the national average.

Rank:	State:	Deviation: (median income)	Margin Victory for Bush: (points)
1	West Virginia	-29%	6
2	Mississippi	-25%	17
3	Arkansas	-23%
4	Louisiana	-22%	8
5	Montana	-21%	25
6	Oklahoma	-20%	25
7	Kentucky	-19%	15
8	Alabama	-18%	15
9	New Mexico	-18%	Gore by 366 votes
10	North Dakota	-17%	27

Oh my GOD! Holy Shit!

That's a fucking shocker. Six of the ten are deep south states that historically have had economies heavily based on slave labor. Nine of these states went heavily for Bush in 2000, and all of those nine are predicted to go for Bush again.

In conclusion, there does seem to be a very definite relationship in between conservative/Republican ideology and median income. The relationship is that being conservative is a drag on a social group's median income. Obviously, many other factors other than political orientation do affect income, but political orientation does seem to be a contributing factor.

This is something that I do intend to explore further, and in greater depth. Hopefully I will get down to the level of state-by-state analysis, and be able to use other factors, such as measures of the distribution of wealth, and demographic makeup of the population to control for error. But for now, this is something for people to chew on, and hopefully something that will provoke people to start think a little more about how class and wealth affect politics in America.

**P.S.**
I don't know why that table is breaking the template and adding all that whitespace, but I don't really care enough to fix it, so just deal with it.

A few updates...

2004-09-28T16:50:00.000-07:00

As you can see, I have now prominently positioned a truely fantastic image on my sidebar. BTW, that isn't me. Unfortunately I lack the creativity to dress myself up as death and carry around a sign that says "Bush is my Bitch."

Also, I have added some permanent media links, which may or may not change over time. Be sure to check out "Donkey Kick'n Fun," which is a sort of techish-house/crap tune I produced a few months ago.

In the links section I have added "Johasen Hunt Monkeys," which is the now dormant site of my monkey hunting friend Jürgen Jöhansen. Jürgen does claim to be working on a new video entitled "Thrill of the Chase," but this effort has apparently been set back because his slated director, Edward Caraballo, is no longer available for the project. Jürgen does assure me, however, that he is very close to signing another documentary film-maker to take over the helm of what Jürgen calls "the first ever in-depth look at the dangerous and deadly world of professional monkey hunting."

Another link that I have given prominence to, is SullyWatch, a blog devoted to ridiculing Andrew Sullivan. Objectively speaking, the writers on SullyWatch have what is probably the worlds easiest job (making a mockery of AS), but I have to give them credit for taking on the supremely masochistic task of acutally reading the inane garbage that AS churns out at a seemingly super-human pace. If you don't know who AS is you aren't missing much, but you can view his site here. To save you the trouble, I'll just say that he is the world's biggest twat, and a fucking moron to boot.

The Real Presidential Race

2004-09-28T13:07:00.000-07:00

With the first presidential debate only two days away the bullshit flowing from the political press is reaching feverish heights in both volume and inaccuracy.

A recurring theme of late, which is being espoused by both right-wing drones and democratic naysayers, is that Kerry is somehow already sunk. Seemingly before his ship ever left the dock. This, my friends, is totally absurd.

Let us review the facts. Before the Democratic Convention Kerry was consistently ahead in the national polls, and leading in most of the battleground states. If the election had been held then - according to the polls - he would have won, both popularly and electorally. [I said "orally"] This is the reason that he didn't get much of a bump in the polls from the convention. Simply put, if your numbers already reflect the support of your base, plus a majority of swing voters, there simply is nowhere else you can get points from except for the other candidate's base, which in this case happens to be rabidly pro-bush, and totally unassailable.

Yet, despite the obvious fact that the only way Kerry could get a substantial gain in the polls coming out of Boston would be if he revealed in his acceptance speech that he was in fact the embodiment of the second-coming of the risen savior, the political punditry dwelled on this non-event for some time, acting all along as if it was an indicator of some massive failure of the Democratic Convention. It wasn't. The Democratic Convention may have been as boring as Vanilla Ice Cream, but it was still Ice Cream, not the shit-popsicle that all of the hand-wringing in the press would make you believe.

Following the convention, Kerry - now the official nominee of the Democratic Party - was for the first time bound by the statutory spending limits that came with his acceptance of public financing for his presidential campaign. Until the Republican Convention a month later, Bush was still free to spend as much money as he pleased. This is a story that was covered pretty well before the Democratic Convention, but was never mentioned (that I heard) during the month that followed, despite the fact that the reduction in the Kerry campaign's spending must have surely affected its ability to operate as before.

Meanwhile the Kerry campaign spent the entire month facing airwaves that were saturated with both official "I'm President Bush, and I approved this Message" attack ads, and unpaid media coverage of a Texas hatchet group called "Swift Boat Veterans for Truth." Why the media gave the coverage that it did to these people is beyond the scope of this article, but the fact that they did it was a disgrace.

Against this backdrop of a campaign operating with reduced spending capacity, fighting off both an opposing campaign not confined by the same financial strictures, and an onslaught of negative press coverage, you saw Bush gain a few points in some national polls, and an increase in negative perceptions of Kerry. But if the election had been held then - according to the polls - Kerry still would have won, both popularly and electorally.

Now, given this situation where Kerry is leading Bush in the polls, Bush obviously has the opportunity - if he gives a successful performance at his convention - to get more of a bounce from it then Kerry did at his. Bush, like Kerry, did a reasonably good job, and the convention, while bland, was basically a success, and Bush did exactly that. He got a good bounce, one that was never even a possibility for Kerry, and as a result pundits started asking whether or not the race was already over. WTF?!?

Nothing of any import has really happened since the Republican convention, and as a result the two candidates have drifted back to within the margin of error in national polls, with Bush still leading, and Bush also leading electorally. These numbers, like the numbers 1-2 months ago that showed Kerry in the same position Bush is now, are meaningless. The election isn't today, its in November, which may seem like a weirdly simplistic and rhetorical thing to say, but it is apparently something that you have to forget, if anything being said by so called political experts is going to make any sense to you.

What the numbers do show is that we are in a close race, and that there are no demonstrable trends within those numbers that give any conclusive evidence as to how the vote will actually come down on November 2. And the numbers have been showing that exact same thing for about half-a-year now, so it shouldn't be a supprise to people. Kerry isn't losing, Bush isn't winning, the race isn't over. For most of the people in the country all of the occurrences along the campaign trail during the past months have gone in one ear and out the other, with the exception of the party conventions, and for a few, the public appearances of John Kerry, or John Edwards. For most people, their final voting decision will be based, first and foremost on party affiliation, and secondly on the performances of the candidates in the presidential debates.

All of the TV ads, sideshows, talking heads, and even the war in Iraq and the state of the Economy, are essentially subordinate to the simple fact that for a majority of voters party affiliation is the only thing that affects their voting decision. For the rest of the voters, those who do actively make decisions without regard to party affiliation, the way they will make that decision is by watching the two candidates stand side-by-side on stage, and make their case for why they should be president. And so, in reality, the Real Presidential Race is only just about to begin.

I Love the CPD

2004-09-27T21:55:00.000-07:00

Here is the contract between the two campaigns concerning the terms of their 4 (3 presidential and 1 vice-presidential) debates. It is definitely worth reading. I mean, shit, the riders in this baby put J-Lo to shame.

Crazy Chris Matthews vs. Krazy "Ted" Kennedy

2004-09-27T21:25:00.000-07:00

People who don't watch Hardball regularly definitely missed a good one tonight as the titans of red faced rage, and spit spraying speechifying, sat down face-to-face for an interview.

Before I go on, I must state as a disclaimer that I basically view Edward M. Kennedy as a god who walks among men. In my book, anybody who can act that crazy and drunk on a regular basis, and still enjoy the power of a totally locked in senate seat for life, has reached the pinacle of human achievement.

As it happens, Krazy K (not to be confused with Special K) is one of the few people who can acutally shut Chris Matthews up.

Similar to the SNL skit where Matthews sits dumbfounded while Sharpton makes up words, the real Chris Matthews simply leaned back and watched the madness unfold as Kennedy ran totally wild, spouting out an almost nonstop stream of extreme claims, hypocritical accusations, and maniacle malapropisms that would put Bush to shame.

Among these, Kennedy decried Bush for running a "campaign of anger and insult," something he should know well from experience. He accused Dick Cheney of "McCarthyism," which is about as vague and as putrid of an insult as "facism," but one more easily digested by the listener and the media. Finally, and ironically, Kennedy said, about Kerry, that he was "convinced that people will say he's the man for us to lead."

So there you have it - even Teddy doesn't think Kerry is a strong leader. Him and everyone else.

Memory Lane

2004-09-24T11:25:00.000-07:00

Two months ago I posted a rant about the horrible Iraq coverage in the N.Y. Times.

Liberal Media Watch:
The N.Y. TIMES gives front-page prominence to yet another totally unfounded Iraq Story

I just wanted to point out that I was dead right at the time, and that two months on not many people are talking about any "internal rifts" in the Iraqi resistance.

In particular I think that Mr. A should take note of this, since he expressed considerable skepticism about my credibility when I originally wrote the piece.

That's right. Eat it bitch.

And let this be a lesson. Just because someone is smoking meth, and drinking wine out of gallon jugs, doesn't mean they can't get it right - Not that I was ever doing either of those things.

On How to Lose the (Information) War

2004-09-23T19:20:00.000-07:00

Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall,
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall.
All the King's horses, And all the King's men
Couldn't put Humpty together again!

Since I am too drunk to write, I have decided that I will simply quote the headlines from Al Jazeera - they say it better than I could (sober) anyway.

Allawi's Congress speech draws flak
US now wants more troops in Iraq
Gorbachev decries Iraq invasion
Blair urged to act on Iraq captive
No new Ethiopia-Eritrea war, says UN
Allawi: No release of female prisoner
Italian hostages probably alive
US troops seal off Samarra*
Car bombs cause more Baghdad carnage

*Samarra, according to one internet source, is the "largest ancient city in the world," and one of Iraq's "four Islamic holy cities." The Great Mosque - built in 852 - which still stands in Samarra, was the largest mosque in the world before the modern era. So, I guess it's a good thing that we have sealed the city off, and we're bombing the shit out of it.

There's no such thing as paranoia

2004-09-21T19:49:00.000-07:00

Umhhh - yeah. When I got up this morning, this is what I found in a flourescent light fixture outside my door in the hallway.

From what I can tell, it is a radio that has been wired into the light fixture to provide power. God knows who put it there, or for what reason.

Right now I'm torn between calling the police, and reporting it as "suspicious," or just taking it for myself.

I don't mind if I do...

2004-09-21T13:33:00.000-07:00

Click the link, and you can also play the ever so exciting "Oxy Rocks!" game.

Pentagon Announces Deployment of "Mother of All Microwave Rays"

2004-09-20T14:05:00.000-07:00

The Telegraph, and Stars and Stripes have both recently reported that the Pentagon is currently readying an experimental Energy Beam Weapons System, knows as the “Active Denial System,” for deployment in Iraq by August of next year. The stated intent of the Pentagon is to use this weapon against civilian non-combatants, supposedly for the purpose of “crowd control.” Naturally, these articles raised many questions in my mind, such as “doesn’t shooting people with highly focused microwave beams seem - uh… - dangerous?

Of course not! And how can I be so sure that this system is perfectly safe? Because Rich Garcia, “a spokesman for the Air Force Research Laboratory in New Mexico” says so, that’s why. As quoted in The Telegraph, Garcia says that “when you get out of the path of the beam, or shut off the beam, everything goes back to normal. There's no residual pain." And what happens when you’re in the path of the beam? Not much really, “it just FEELS LIKE YOUR SKIN IS ON FIRE [caps added].” Oh - I see - no worries then.

Like most Pentagon statements, the answers here raise more questions than they put to rest.

When a spokesperson says that a weapon which makes you feel “like your skin is on fire” is perfectly safe, you immediately have to ask how they know that. According to an Air Force Research Laboratory “Fact Sheet,” they know the system is safe because they have been testing it on humans and animals for “several years” – sounds humane.

Another glaring question that these reports raise concerns the “experimental” status of this technology. Once again, according to the Air Force’s own “Fact Sheet,” (from 2003) an evaluation of this technology was not slated to be complete until the “end of 2005.” Now they plan to deploy this system in a combat zone for use against civilians even before the evaluation of its utility was scheduled to be finished. Either the MI Complex has made great strides in efficiency that I didn’t know about, or this system isn’t ready to be put in the field yet. My hunch would be the latter.

What happens if the “Mother of All Microwave Rays” does malfunction? What kind of injuries could be sustained by the civilians that this weapon is designed to target?

One must also consider the potential risk to our soldiers who will be relying on this experimental weapons system to defend themselves. Luckily this weapon is intended for use as a “defense” against unarmed civilians, so that risk may be limited to being forced to watch as Iraqis gather to protest the occupation policy, and exercise their human right to free speech.

While it is true that this weapon may be an improvement over the military’s current technique for dispersing crowds, which frequently seems to include firing missiles into them, it also clearly appears to be a disaster in waiting. Like the “terrorism futures market” proposed by another Pentagon research agency about a year ago, this is a Sci-Fi non-solution to a very real problem, which demonstrates how far afield our military leadership has wandered in their execution of the Occupation of Iraq. When you start thinking that Microwave Ray Guns are a good idea, isn’t seems clear – at least to me - that the time for withdrawing our troops from Iraq has come and passed.

Postscript:

-Stars and Stripes also says that “While the Pentagon is taking the lead in developing Project Sheriff, other agencies interested in the experiment’s progress include the Justice, Energy, and State departments and the FBI,” so if your lucky, you may be able to see this baby in action even if they don’t reinstate the draft.

-The Telegraph reports that the same vehicles being fitted with the MAMR, are also being equipped with “a rapid-fire gun currently under development that will detect enemy snipers and automatically fire back at them, [emphasis added]” which is known as “The Gunslinger” (And I didn’t even have to make that one up!) I wasn’t able to find any additional information on this weapon, but it sounds like a winner.

Remember 3.15.03

2004-09-11T07:13:00.000-07:00

Tha rock won't burn
if yo cash don turn

Yeah baby
shit yeah

aint that the truth

I was in an odd mood this morning - a bit jittery - so I decided to stroll on up to the friendly neighborhood Starbucks.

On the way I run into the usual assortment of early morning characters.

A man, looking in his late twenties, pimped out in a red velour sweatfit, swaggering along a little too casually on the grey early morning sidewalk.

Another man walking speedily across an intersection, a block up in front of me, wearing what looks like a leather jacket from a distance. But something in his gate tells me that up close it would be vinyl.

I stand in line wondering how there can be a line at 6:30 in the morning. I feel a little weak on my feet. A dozen-and-a-half beers will do that to you. I walk back home with my coffee in one hand and my folded over New York Times in the other. I scan the headlines on the quarter of the page that faces me, but I don't remember any more what they said.

The sun is coming up now, behind the light grey clouds that hang in the sky across the river, outside my window. Dawning dreary and depressing, which is fitting for a day like this.

As soon as I finish writing this I intend to smoke anything even vaguely narcotic that I can lay my hands on, and then pass out and sleep for at least fourteen hours.

I definitely want to make a point to miss anything and everything on television today, because I'm sure it will all be either viciously depressing, or infuriatingly insipid - in most cases, probably both.

10 days ago - labor day - I was digging through some old tapes, and I happened to run across some video that I had shot at the peace march that took place in Portland on March 15, 2003. I had almost totally forgotten about that rally, and when I sat down and watched the tape, it had a definite impact on me.

Watching all of those thousands of people, many with signs, many chanting, some just walking, and some dancing, I was struck by how far we have come from that day. Not just in days, dollars, and bodies, but also in perceptions.

Today we are faced with the inextricable problem of 140,000 of our soldiers entangled in the occupation of a foreign country that is on the verge of collapse even with their presence. In this situation few people even consider the possibility of peaceful solutions. And none of those who do are running for president as the candidate of a major party.

"I'm John Kerry and I'm Reporting for Duty"

And I am really going to vote for this guy?

After watching that tape a few more times, I decided that I had to share it, and what better day then today.

Instead of remembering death, and destruction, I encourage you to take the time to remember Peace, and remember what it was like to stand shoulder to shoulder with tens of thousands of Portlanders, and in spirit with millions around the world, and believe that Peace was possible. It may be just me, but I think that if we stand on our convictions, it still is.

This video is encoded with XviD. www.divx.com has codecs available for both Windows and Macintosh.

If you use BitTorrent, please download the torrent, so I can save my bandwidth:
Remember.3.15.03.Peace.Rally.Portland.OR.USA.xvid.avi.torrent

You can also download the file directly:
Remember.3.15.03.Peace.Rally.Portland.OR.USA.xvid.avi

WWJD?

2004-09-03T16:54:00.000-07:00

Kenya to seek extradition of 'miracle birth' pastor (The Guardian)

Police are investigating claims that the church is a front for a child-smuggling ring that steals babies from impoverished mothers in Nairobi. All of the so-called miracle mothers have gone to Nairobi to deliver the babies, though most were living in the UK.

Goddamn - I love christians.

Serious Consequences

2004-09-02T21:44:00.000-07:00

God damn. I'm up to my ears in the fucking bullshit that GWB dumped all over my television screen tonight.

Like the good German that I am, I got fucking loaded this evening, and watched The President's convention speech. I even chanted "U - S - A" along with the delegates, cheering on our great leader, or as the German's would say, Der Fuhrer.

In all actuality, I found the Republican herd to be suprisingly subdued, and unenthused about Bush's speech. While they certainly did cheer, and occasionally build up the "four more years" chant to a reasonable crescendo, the response was not the orgiastic celebration of certain victory that usually accompanies the speech of an incumbent president at their convention. One reason that the crowd may have been somewhat unawed is simply that The President's speech was so lackluster and lacking in original material. The only real policy proposals that the president made were Social Security "reform," and "simplifying the tax code," which happen to be proposals which he also made the first time he was running for President, and with considerably more detail at that time than he provided now.

To be fair, Bush couldn't spend much time proposing new policies because he had to devote large amounts of time to defending and explaining away the policies he has already instituted. Foremost amongst the blunders that Bush had to spin on was Iraq, and the terrible miscalculations that he and his advisors made about WMD. This portion of the speech was really my favorite.

Somehow it is perversely entertaining to me to watch Bush lean into the podium, squint up his beady pig eyes, drop his voice to a tone usually reserved for addressing children, and "make" his case for why it was still a good idea to invade Iraq. "In Saddam Hussein, we saw a threat. Members of both political parties, including my opponent and his running mate, saw the threat, and voted to authorize the use of force. We went to the United Nations Security Council, which passed a unanimous resolution demanding the dictator disarm, or face serious consequences." I'm sure that Evil Dick explains it to him exactly the same way.

On the economy - the most important issue to actual voters - Bush offered little more than the same hollow claims that his policies really have worked, and we just have to wait a little longer (i.e. at least till November 3) to see the results. The convention crowd, composed mostly of white-bread upper middle-class idiots, lapped up Bush's assertion that making permanent his tax giveaway to the ultra-rich would cement the "economic recovery" and spread prosperity to all.

Sadly for the Bush Campaign, poll after poll shows that a strong majority of the public is well aware that this is total horse shit. Somehow, the memory of a one-time $400 dollar tax-rebate doesn't bring nearly as much satisfaction - three years on - as having a job, or health care for you and your family. And the joy of knowing that the people who live in the hills above you have an extra one, or ten thousand dollars in their pocket come tax time, doesn't really salve the pain of knowing that most of the social security payroll tax being taken out of your already meager paycheck is being used for general government expenses, instead of being invested in a trust fund to pay for your benefits when you retire.

Serious policy (if it can be called that) critique aside, the speech also had plenty of partisan fluff, most of which was recycled, including the "Actually I voted for it, before I voted against it" crowd-pleaser. The one gem, which I believe was new, (at least I hadn't heard it before) was a quote from a New York Times editorial that Bush read.

In 1946, 18 months after the fall of Berlin to allied forces, a journalist wrote in the New York Times, "Germany is a land in an acute stage of economic, political and moral crisis. [European] capitals are frightened. In every [military] headquarters, one meets alarmed officials doing their utmost to deal with the consequences of the occupation policy that they admit has failed." End quote. Maybe that same person's still around, writing editorials.

The selection of this quote is really hilarious because it is so fucking a-historical, and assumes that the listener knows absolutely nothing about the aftermath of World War II.

Now, I am a little drunk right now, but let me do my best. At the end of the war our "occupation policy" was to split Berlin and consequently Germany into occupation zones controlled by the United States, France, Russia, (and Britain I think). The result of this policy was the blockade of Berlin by the Russians, and ultimately the institution of a communist government in East Germany that took another 45 years to get rid of. This is something that GWB should know something about because he just announced a plan to realign our armed forces by dramatically reducing our troop levels in Germany. When that rotation takes place we will have been in Germany for sixty years. Hopefully we can get our troops out of Iraq a little more quickly.

I QUIT!

2004-08-26T20:55:00.000-07:00

Can I get my own reality show now? That could be my catch phrase.

What am I going to do now that I have rejoined the ranks of the unemployed? Well, find another job hopefully, but in the meantime I can sit around downloading tv episodes and movies.

In that spirit I have decided to put up some quick links to my favorite sites for snatching great stuff.

Bittorrent Clients:
You will need to install one of these before downloading files with torrents.
BitComet (Windows) - I prefer this client, but it is currently windows only

Azureus (Java/multi-platform) - This is probably the most popular torrent client, and it works on any platform supported by java (Mac, Windows, Linux, etc...)

BitTornado (Python/multi-platform) - This client is very similar to the original, but support bandwidth throtling. BitTornado can be easily installed on Windows, or run on any system with Python.

Torrent Sites:
These sites provide links to torrent files, which allow you to connect and actually download files.

SuprNova - Large site that posts torrents served by other sites. Since this site does not require registration it tends to be lower quality, but it has a huge number and variety of listed torrents, and it can help lead you to better quality sites.

TorrentBits *Registration Required* - This site focuses on 0-day group releases. It is the best place to get the latest movies, games, and apps. (AFAK the membership limit has been reached, so it is impossible to get membership at this time, but old accounts are periodically deleted, so new spots will open up.)

FileList *Registration Required* - A TB Clone, which is pretty damn good, and has membership slots available.

MySpleen *Registration Required* - TV site featuring mainly Cartoon Network, and Comedy Central. Good place to find Sealab, ATHF, Chappelle, etc. Only so-so seeder/leecher ratio, so not as fast as TB/FL.

So there you go. If you want to be as lazy as me, I have just drawn you a god damn maps, which means that you are actually even lazier than me.

Come along and ride on a ... fantastic voyage

2004-08-24T21:16:00.000-07:00

slide slide slippity-slide

Ahhhh... Who doesn't love a little Coolio now and then?

I need to take a fucking voyage, one that gets me far away from my lame-ass fucking job. Working gets worse and worse everyday, and my permanent partner is fucking annoying. Luckily I have the option of getting stoned and watching Sealab 2021 all day, as opposed to actually doing any work.

On a side note, working isn't made any easier by getting text messages from my sister at noon saying that she is in Ibiza and high off her tits.

Apparently my good friend Mr. A isn't enjoying the JO too much either. If Weve Been Had were a bitching festival, it would be three days long with five stages and headliners from three continents.

Hey Mr. A: maybe you should get a new name to go with the new look - I was thinking that "The Princess Diaries" might work. [cue crazed laughter]

AvP v ME

2004-08-21T11:08:00.000-07:00

Somewhere in my cracked-out haze yesterday I decided it would be a good idea to watch "Alien vs. Predator." In retrospect I was wrong - very, very wrong.

Even with my brain functioning at just slighly above coma level, with my only physical motion pretty much limited to sniffling and lifting the beer bottle to my mouth, AvP is a revelation in stupidity and simple-minded sci-fi garbage. If you took all the worst parts of its predecessors and edited them together along with some fresh music and even worse dialouge, the result would achieve the same effect.

Luckily, I am the worlds biggest geek, and I just got a Laserdisc player, and the Star Wars Definitive Collection laserdisc set. After AvP I mustered the energy to hook up the LD player, and watched Star Wars, and Empire before going to bed at about 9:00pm and sleeping for fourteen hours.

I still feel like shit, and I have to go to work in two hours. I think I may need to call in.

All Aboard the Short Bus

2004-08-18T00:22:00.000-07:00

I was gonna go to court
before i got high
i was gonna pay my child support
but then i got high
they took my whole paycheck
and i know why
cause i got high
because i got high
because i got high

Where to start, where to start...

I was sitting around last night, (monday I think) drunk and high, and watching C-SPAN, which happened to be airing the Senate hearings on the reorganization of the intelligence community. I took some notes on the names of the witnesses, but I don't have those now, so, to make it short, the three witnesses were a bunch of fogey hacks who had served as Secretary of Defense during past administrations (Nixon, Reagan, and Clinton respectively).

In short, most of the testimony was bullshit, and the senators present - McCaine, Lieberman, Clinton, Kennedy, etc, etc - only really showed up for the photo op, then promptly left, probably to smoke some rock and solicit prostitutes. [clearly, this is speculation, and is not meant to imply or state that any of the said individuals actually engaged in the illegal activities of "smoking rock" or "soliciting prostitutes."]

The "five-minutes-of-fame" absurdity reached its peak when Susan Collins (is that her name?) of Maine, who speaks in extremely halting tones, reminiscent of a person recovering from a terrible speech defect or mental impairment, took up her questioning. Not once, but twice, she referred to former Secretary of Defense Frank Carlucci, as Mr. Salucci!. Fuck! I mean - jesus people, come-the-fuck on - at least get the fucking name right! Even I can do that.

In conclusion: rest easy my friends. Our national security is safe in the hands of a pack of media-whore dunces. And that's just the senate. Don't get me started on the executive branch.

Crazy Time!

2004-08-13T12:51:00.000-07:00

For the past week or so this whole "Swift Boat Captains [yada, yada...]" thing has been going on, and I have just been trying to block it out - with a great deal of success actually.

Well now I have been turned on to Who is Jerome Corsi, co-author of Swift Boat Vets attack book? @ Media Matters, and this shit is just too fucked up to ignore.

This little expose has a stack of gems, revealing that this Corsi guy is A) an idiot, B) wildly racist, C) obsessed with sodomy, and young boys, and D) obsessed with communism (didn't that go out of style a couple decades ago?) - in other words, typical Republican.